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All Because Of You

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hospitalflowers

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PostPosted: Thu Aug 02, 2007 6:33 pm


Okay, someone accused this poem of being "emo" and I think that's ridiculous. It's simply a poem in the point of view of a girl who's husband or boyfriend killed her. Does that make it "emo"? I don't know, you tell me.

All Because Of You

I had never seen you sad,
You were Always
There beside me.
I had never seen you mad,
Not until today.

That's when you killed me.
My hopes my dreams,
My everything.
How could you do that?
I thought we were in love.

My family can't see me now,
And neither can you.
Is that what you wanted?
I'm invisible to all,
Except for the youth.

I scare them,
Not purposefully,
But I do.

Now I'm wearing black and white,
It's like a sick old movie,
I'm just a faded memory.
Fading more and more every day.
Until all that's left's the photograph.

There's nothing to do
To stop it.
This is what I've become,
And it's all because of you.
PostPosted: Mon Dec 31, 2007 8:01 pm


I liked the general idea, but it doesn't flow as well as some of your other stuff.

Maybe read it over a few more times and see what you can tweak. That usually works for me.

x-Jitty-x


27x

PostPosted: Thu Jan 17, 2008 7:00 pm


Is this beat poetry? I think so. I usually only like poems that rhyme and beat poetry. Very good, though if it's beat, I think it needs a little more rythm. Overall a good point. Solid all the way through, and never wavering.
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Poetry

 
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