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 Posted: Sat Jul 30, 2005 9:25 pm
[ Message temporarily off-line ]
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Posted: Sat Jul 30, 2005 9:53 pm
I like the imagery, it makes the actual verbage of the poem very powerful. But...
As you said, no meter. That's definitely a problem for poetry and since this didn't rhyme either, I really felt like I was reading prose. You didn't stick to the 9 syllables thing either, and although that would be kinda cool, it's really quite unimportant and wouldn't contribute to the poem very much. If you're trying to do something like iambic pentameter, that's only useful because it has on-beat, off-beat, it's not purely the 10-syllable thing. And anyway, Shakespeare used iambic pentameter for a very specific reasons, like denoting one's social class or causing the reader (theatregoer?) to notice specific lines.
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Posted: Sat Jul 30, 2005 10:11 pm
Thanks for that...I corrected the typos that caused me to break the nine-syllable format.
The original purpose of this style was because these poems are meant to be recited aloud. The nine-syllable format is in order to evenly space breathing and pauses throughout the poem.
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Posted: Sat Jul 30, 2005 10:14 pm
Hmm...interesting. Without any metre, it's not realy a poem, but it's built like a poem...hmmm...what is it then. Gah! The English Major is confused!!!!! Anyway, I really thought it was a cool poem(?) it's a different style I've never seen before, interesting. I bet every body feels like thier love is gone sometimes. I bet Water_Fae wants you back now...
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Posted: Wed Aug 03, 2005 7:37 am
This piece seemed to have a really weird rhythm which made me feel that I was reading prose, not poetry. However, I did really like your word choice in this piece and I found the imagery was very good. Though the rhythm could have been improved, that may have been a personal preference that it was more like prose. Overall, I thought this was a very good piece- Keep up the good work!
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Posted: Wed Aug 03, 2005 7:46 am
Cereah This piece seemed to have a really weird rhythm which made me feel that I was reading prose, not poetry. "Weird" or "practically nonexistent." Having 9 syllables per line doesn't automatically give it a steady rhythm, as you basically said at the beginning. How well the words flow, and the complexity of the words themselves, and tricks like alliteration are really what control the speed.
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Posted: Tue Aug 09, 2005 9:20 am
Actually, the structure of this piece reminded me of Edgar Allen Poe. Although the subject is getting a little redundant of what people choose to write about, there is nothing initially wrong with it. There could be a bit more depth to it though.
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