Welcome to Gaia! ::

(Heeheeh! I figured out the dice thing! *never noticed how to do it*)
Series: xxxHOLiC
Pairings: Doumeki and Watanuki, of course!
Rating: T
Author's Note: This is the first time I've actually posted this story, and so I want feedback on it, because I'm writing it for a friend, who helped my plot it out, and she's an UBER good writer, so I want this story to be the best! *determined look* So PM me (or you can even put it in post) your reactions and how I can make this story better.

WARNING: This story will have a really angsty, really sucky ending. I'm letting you know before hand, and now I'm telling you the light. There will be a sequel called "Rehab for the Heart".

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Prologue: The Doll that Feels and the Truest Dreams

If my feelings are enough to cause these wounds, then they will be enough to remove them. If absence of the heart is what is needed, I will cut it out myself and sell it away just to keep you near... so please understand...

Watanuki curled under the covers, shivering. It had been months since he had shared his apartment, yet he still expected for Doumeki's strong arms to hold him close and keep him warm like the heater could not.

Hot tears rolled down the teen's cheeks, but quickly dried in the eyes...

Heartless dolls did not cry.

He had given it up; given it all up. But it had been worth it, just to keep him alive.

But he sometimes wondered if he really had paid what he thought he had.

Sometimes, he would double up as something so heart-wrenchingly painful would shoot through his body, igniting a yearning that he no longer had a name for. Pain was the only thing left in Watanuki's bare heart...

What had he really paid?
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Doumeki rubbed his eyes, frowning slightly in the dark. He looked around; trying to find what had awoken him.

Seeing nothing, he closed his eyes, trying to recall the dream, but details slid away, like water through fingers.

This was not the first unsettling dream he had experienced these last few months... But as unnerving as they were, he preferred them to reality, and welcomed their coming.

They all had to do with Watanuki. Doumeki learned things from these dreams that he never thought he'd ever want to know; Watanuki crying, laughing, smiling in earnest... the sound of his name as their bodies melded together in heated passion...

These dreams seemed like memories, so close to the heart that sometimes Doumeki would wake almost in tears as he realized what he had lost by going back into wakefulness.

He would give almost anything for those dreams to be real, because the Watanuki of his world unnerved him.

Watanuki would never say a thing anymore, he wouldn't fawn over Himawari like an idiot, he wouldn't get mad... there was nothing to him anymore...

It made Doumeki want to shake him until something broke inside, until Watanuki screamed or cried or begged... but then something inside told him that it would never happen, because somehow, Watanuki no longer felt a thing.

Doumeki could almost remember Yuuko's voice giving that price; the price of emotions... but...

That was in a dream, wasn't it?
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Yuuko sighed softly, exhaling smoke across the clear night air. "I hope that those children will be happy in the end..." she murmured, fingering a long strand of woven, silver strings. "From pain... blooms happiness..."


Pain was the only thing left for Watanuki to feel.

Yes, actually that was the idea that sparked the entire story, really.
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Chapter One: Empathy/ I Get the Strangest Feeling /Trust

“You look pale,” Doumeki stated as he leaned against the wall, waiting for Watanuki.

Watanuki scowled. “I don’t see how that’s any of your business! And besides, don’t ask things like that as if you’re bored!” he snapped, walking straight past the taller boy, nose stuck into the air.

“Oi,” Doumeki called, grabbing Watanuki’s wrist.

“My name isn’t oi! Since we’re going out, one would think that you would be considerate enough to at least call my last name like a normal person, but, no!” Watanuki shouted, flailing about at Doumeki who rolled his eyes and shut the boy up by pressing a kiss to his cheek.

A light, cheerful giggle came from behind them. “Watanuki-kun and Doumeki-kun are so close! It’s very cute!” Himawari Kunogi said, smiling.

Behind her was a petite girl with long brown hair. It was an odd haircut, short locks in the front and long in the back; it looked like she was growing out her bangs. She also had two buns, one on either side of her head. Her eyes were large and blank, her skin pale with lightly rosy cheeks.

“Who’s that?” Doumeki asked, pointing to the girl; he hadn’t seen her before. Watanuki elbowed him in the side, hissing something about 'manners' and 'rude'-- Doumeki paid no attention.

“Oh! This is Kieran-chan! She’s a transfer student!” Himawari-chan said brightly. “I was asked to show her around the school.”

“Oh! I know you!” Watanuki blurted, pointing at the girl. “I bumped into you at the library yesterday afternoon! I’m sorry about that!”

Kieran smiled, an eerie glow flickering off her eyes. “It’s fine. It is flattering that Watanuki-san’s feelings are so… strong. We just weren’t paying any attention,” she said slowly, her voice sweet and kind.

Watanuki smiled. “That’s reliving. I was afraid you were mad yesterday because you didn’t say anything back.”

Kieran smile widened into a grin. “It’s no problem, Watanuki-kun. I just got over a cold, and my voice was still sore.”

Doumeki frowned. There was something odd about this girl. He grabbed Watanuki by the wrist. “We’re going to be late,” he stated, pulling the boy away from the two girls.

“Unhand me, you b*****d!” Watanuki shrieked, following helplessly behind Doumeki.

“Bye Watanuki-kun, Doumeki-kun!” Himawari called after the departing boys, waving goodbye.

“You didn’t have to grab me like that,” Watanuki whined, rubbing his sore wrist. “It hurt!” the slim teen gave a huff as he regarded the red skin.

“If you hadn’t struggled so much, then it wouldn’t have hurt.”

Watanuki banged his palm against Doumeki’s shoulders. “No, you’re just a barbarian! You didn’t have to drag me either!”

“There was something wrong with that girl, Kimihiro.”

Watanuki stopped and blushed, wide-eyed at the use of his first name. “I didn’t sense anything wrong,” he said softly after a long moment.

Doumeki turned to face his lover. “… There was something about the way her eyes lit up when she was talking about your feelings. It wasn’t right.”

“I think you’re just jealous,” Watanuki huffed, stalking off.

Doumeki caught the bespectacled boy and pulled him into a harsh, lip-bruising kiss. “So if I am?” he breathed after pulling away a long while later.

Watanuki blushed. “We’re going to be late,” he mumbled.

Doumeki smirked. “Hn.”

“Don’t ‘hn’ me, you blank-faced fool! Yuuko-san said that it was very important that we be on time! I don’t want to find out what the punishment is for being late,” snapped the smaller boy. Watanuki then turned on his heel and strode purposely off.

Doumeki followed, quickly catching up to the boy.

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“And my informant tells me that this particular empath is not of the... normal sort,” Yuuko said, placing her pipe to blood-red lips, drawing in her breath.

“And the normal sort are?…” Watanuki asked, cocking an eyebrow.

Yuuko eyed Watanuki carefully for a long moment, almost as if deciding whether to tell him or not. With a sigh of billowing smoke, she stood. “There are those, who are humans and are born with the power to tell people's emotions, their pasts, by just a touch. Like you and your sight.” The witch strode over to the table on the other side of the sitting room, pouring herself a glass of sake`. “Then there are those who are born with the power, and they abuse it. Eventually, with the abuse, malevolent spirits take over the body, killing the soul inside of the heart. These spirits now have corporeal form, and they feed on people’s emotions.”

Doumeki scowled as Watanuki asked another question. He didn’t like this feeling that was tickling the back of his mind. Something bad was going to happen, and he knew it.

“Is this safe?” He finally asked, glaring at Watanuki’s employer, almost challenging her judgment.

“Nothing she sends us on is safe, idiot,” Watanuki hissed.

Doumeki ignored the boy, staring intently at Yuuko’s contemplating face.

“Well,” she drawled after a long moment. “This empath is new in birth. They are very choosey about who they feed from, the bad ones. If you are lucky, they will be weak.”

Watanuki paled. Luck had never been a strong point for him. “Will we, Yuuko-san?”

“I would not send you if I did not feel as if you could not do this job.”

The smaller teen nodded; as much as he disliked Yuuko at times, he trusted her. “Let’s go,” he whispered, nudging Doumeki softly.

The archer grunted.

Yuuko had never said one-hundred percent that they would be fine. He was uneasy.

*giggles gleefully* Good guess, but nyen~!

You'll just have to wonder and wait for the next chapter! Which is a about done... expect it soon... Maybe... I'm going to see Cyrano de Berdgerat (sp???) ENITRELY in French tomorrow, so... Definately NOT tomorrow.

Uhhm... Soon? Uhmmm... I got caught up with writing teh prequel of how they got together, school, and a major fight with my significant other... Soo... Um...

*bows and spazzes* SORRY! I SHOULD HAVE IT SOON! gonk crying

OMFG. I'm back. The story's back. I am so so so sorry. Things came up, I changed accounts, and I finally just motivated my lazy butt to stay on for a long enough time to submit a request. So I'm back, and the story returns, and all the remaining chapters will be posted in a post-blast. I apologize. One. More. Time!!!!
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The air reeked of the supernatural; there was no wind, but the errant leaves rustled, creating ominous whispers in the quiet park.

The air felt hot and heavy, even though it was fall.

“I don’t like it here, no one’s here, let’s go!” Watanuki whispered, tugging on Doumeki’s sleeve.

Doumeki hushed the boy, drawing him to his side. He understood why Watanuki wanted to leave; even he was freaked out with this atmosphere. But he felt that they had to stay.

“C’mon,” the bespectacled boy whined, stomping his foot into the dirt. “I feel like someone’s watching us.”

“From which direction?”

Watanuki’s face screwed up in concentration. “I don’t know,” he finally admitted. “Everywhere…”

“I don’t like this…”

“You have every reason to.”

Watanuki gave a start, clinging to the archer’s arm. Doumeki scowled. That voice… he had heard it somewhere…

“Are you afraid, Kimihiro-chan?” A spiritual wind began to howl, and the rustling leaves flew into a whirl-wind, out of which a young girl stepped.

Doumeki’s scowl deepened as Watanuki gave a start of recognition.

“I-it’s y-you!” Watanuki shrieked, raising an accusing finger to point at the girl. “Kieran-chan! F-from school!” At that moment, a shudder ran through the bespectacled boy’s body as the ramifications of this revelation burst into his mind.

The small empath smirked delicately, taking high pleasure in Watanuki’s shock.

“Hi-Himawari-chan! Is she who you started to feed off of?!”

Doumeki reached up and covered Watanuki’s mouth with his hand as Kieran began to laugh. “Kimihiro, I want you to run,” he whispered softly. Watanuki gave a deft shake of his head, waiting for Kieran’s answer.

The girl gave a disapproving click of her tongue. “Her? All that dreariness and unluckiness?” Kieran shook her head, her wicked smirk spreading. She spread her fingers and raised her stiffened hand, a miasmic shadow spreading out from under Watanuki’s feet as she did so. “If I was as stupid as to feed from her, why, I’d be no threat at all!”

As she spoke, the shadow wrapped it’s tendrils around Watanuki’s legs, slowly making their way up to the boy’s waist. At the exact moment that the spirit-haunted boy noticed, Kieran closed her hand, and Watanuki flew away from Doumeki’s grasp.

The slight teen gave a yelp of surprised terror and Doumeki instantly drew his bow. The archer took aim, and fired straight at Kieran.

The girl merely laughed, something that was really irritating Doumeki—why did the bad guys always laugh?—, and flicked her wrist, sending the spirited arrow directly towards Doumeki.

The weapon hit its mark, sinking into the flesh of the archer’s shoulder. The arrow quickly dissolved, leaving Doumeki bleeding and stunned.

“Shizuka!” Watanuki shrieked, struggling to get free.

Kieran licked her lips. “Panicked, Kimihiro-chan?” she teased. “Oh, well! No harm’s going to come to you at all,” she soothed, clicking her fingers. Instantly, the leaves in the park rose, swirling around the archer, their edges suddenly blade-sharp, shredding the sleeves of Doumeki’s uniform, and tearing his skin.

“No, no, no, no! Stop it!” the bespectacled teen protested, screwing his eyes shut.

Kieran drifted towards him, her cold fingers finding their way upon Watanuki’s cheek. “But I enjoy this game, why should I stop playing it?”

Doumeki struggled upright, his teeth grit in pain. “It’s him you’re feeding off of, isn’t it?” he grunted, staggering towards Kieran and the shadow-bound Watanuki.

Kieran smirked smugly. “You’ve found out my secret, Shizuka-chan!” she giggled. “Your lover’s emotions are exquisite, so lovely. I couldn’t help but want to feed off of them!”

Watanuki grew faint, swaying in the shadow’s grasp. “No,” he gasped. He was afraid now, even more so than he was when Kieran began to attack. He was scared that he would actually kill Doumeki with his feelings. He was already bleeding so much! “Run! Please! Get away from here, Shizuka! You’ll be killed!” Tears were streaming down Watanuki’s face. He was scared, afraid for Doumeki, and afraid for himself.

The archer wobblingly stood, using his bow for support. He stared intensely at Watanuki, scowling. “I won’t leave you.”

Watanuki whimpered. “But I’m scared!”

“All the more reason not to leave.”

Kieran smirked. “What a deep bond you two have,” she chimed, clapping her hands like an over-excited fangirl. “All the more reason to have you killed,” she hissed happily. She pointed her staff at the archer, and he suddenly was there, right next to Kieran, in front of Watanuki. “And you will have the best place to watch him die, Kimi-chan!”

The shadow began to bubble around Watanuki, and it split in two, the new half wrapping around Doumeki. The archer struggled for a moment, then was bound completely.

The empath grinned evilly, her teeth gleaming between her parted lips. She raised her staff and…

All Watanuki could do was watch. Everything seemed to become like the slow motion scenes in a movie, and he could see so vividly as everything was colored red…

And then it was over, still in slow motion, and the haunted boy was aware that he was screaming, he was choking, and Shizuka—his Shizuka, his protector, his lover—was on the ground, shadows receding, showing him broken and bloody…

With the staff going straight through his heart…

And time sped up.

Doumeki awoke, sighing. He had another one of those dreams again.

A dream of the other Watanuki; the one that seemed to still have energy. The one that yelled and laughed; smiled and pointed.

This was the Watanuki that he kissed and held in his dreams. While he preferred the cheerful boy to the one he knew, it was the fragile, sullen boy that he wanted. In fact, every time he had one of those dreams, and heard Himawari say how Watanuki just wasn’t the same; his desire to help the boy grew.

Doumeki stared at the ceiling, letting that last dream resurface in his mind. There had been something odd about it… A girl with brown hair and a staff… Watanuki begging Yuuko for help… And a terrible price… Again, and again, and again. There had to be meaning. But…

Then there was the real Watanuki. He was suddenly very cool, he still got irritated and snapped, but even that was fake. There was something wrong. He was going to talk to Yuuko about it later, Doumeki decided, standing from his bed. After all, there had to be something up after three months of the same dreams.

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Watanuki sat in his kitchen, head in his hands. He wanted to move. His apartment… was unbearable. Memories swirled around the doors and rooms, haunting him like vengeful spirits. Worse, because these, he had just tossed aside.

He’d still wake in the night, calling out to Doumeki after spirits haunted him in his sleep. He still longed for the warmth next to him, and his heart constantly ached. Then there were the nights like the last one; sleepless and cold. The pain through his heart was worse if he was awake.

He was emotionless, for heavens sake! Why was he crying just thinking about it?!

“He’s gone,” Watanuki mumbled, drying his eyes. For the third time that week, he decided to go to Yuuko’s shop instead of school.

He left the apartment, locking away the memories with a key.

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They waited as long as they could without being late, and still Watanuki did not show up. His visits to school were becoming more and more infrequent.

“Oh, I wonder where Watanuki-kun is… I hope he’s not sick,” Himawari said softly.

“He probably went to that woman’s shop…” The older boy grumbled.

Himawari frowned softly, biting her lip. “Yes… I’m sure that’s where he would go now… being here must be hard on him…”

“What do you mean by that?” Doumeki asked sharply.

Himawari gasped, covering her mouth with her hand. “It’s nothing,” she whispered.

“Do you know what happened to him?”

The girl slowly nodded her head. “But I promised Watanuki-kun that I’d not tell. He was just so sad… I had to promise. He doesn’t want you to know, Doumeki-kun. I’m also sure that it’s best that way.”

Doumeki was angry; he’d only been this mad once before, when Watanuki had sacrificed his eye to the spider. “Tell me, now!” he said through grit teeth. “This is something to do with me, I know. Otherwise I’d not be having such odd dreams!”

Himawari glanced up at the school building. “School is starting,” she murmured, setting off towards the steps.

Doumeki reached out and grabbed her hand. “Please, tell me.”

The girl looked sadly at him, then sighed. “Watanuki-kun and Doumeki-kun were always very close. These dreams… do they involve you and Watanuki-kun dating?” she whispered.

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“I’m sure they are worried about you.”

Watanuki sighed, staring down at the floor. “…maybe,” he whispered.

“Himawari-chan most of all… You have told her everything, have you not?” Yuuko inquired, exhaling smoke from her pipe.

“Yes. Everything,” Watanuki murmured, looking up at Yuuko with blank eyes.

“… Doumeki, I believe, is worried too.”

Watanuki gave a small wince, his eyes darkening at the mention of his once lover. After a long moment, he nodded. “He’s said something similar to that, yes.” The words barely slipped from his lips, quiet and small, and the pain radiating from the small statement was undeniable.

Yuuko gazed at her employee, sighing. “Watanuki, I am sorry I had to extract that price upon you. If there was another way available at the time, rest assured I would have taken it,” the witch said gently.

The raven haired boy gave a listless smile, shaking his head. “I know that, Yuuko-san. He’s still alive… and I am… glad,” he mumbled, the word falling clumsily from his lips, like a small child trying to use a word they don’t know the meaning of.

Taking a breath from her pipe, Yuuko shifted on her perch, silk rustling heavily as she reached for the pitcher of drink that lay on the table in front of her. She poured a cup, and stared at it, contemplating for a long moment. “Have a glass of sake, then go home and rest, I will take away your restlessness tonight. Tomorrow, for payment, you will make me what I choose,” she said finally, taking the cup in her long-nailed fingers, passing it along to the haunted teen.

Watanuki nodded, obeying the witch.

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Doumeki leaned against the street corner, waiting for Watanuki to disappear the other way. He fought the urge to go after the lithe boy, knowing now what he was. But the archer stopped himself, knowing that nothing he could do could change Kimihiro Watanuki’s mind; he knew that from the new-old memories that swam heavily in his mind. However, as he stepped forward, he hoped he could still see the shop; he needed it this time.

As he advanced to the fence, he gave a small sigh of relief, finding that Yuuko’s store was entirely whole, and visible. He made his way to the small house, hugged by the wooden fence and skyscrapers.

He opened the front door, to find Yuuko waiting for him, arms crossed.

For a moment, the archer was tempted to roll his eyes at the expectation of his visit, but then the anger flared once again in him. Of course she knew that he’d eventually come back; she probably planned for this anyway, was all that he reminded himself.

So he stood, defiantly facing the woman, fists balled at his sides, face set deep in a scowl, shoulders set back, and anger pouring from all angles. If she was expecting him, then she must know what he wanted…

“Shizuka Doumeki,” she said softly. “I think you should leave; I cannot grant your wish.”

“Then at least tell me the truth,” he said, golden eyes glinting dangerously.

“Didn’t Himawari Kunogi-chan tell you?”

“She told me that you would know more than she,” Doumeki countered.

The witch stared at him for a long time; the archer met the glare and returned it ten-fold.

Finally, Yuuko sighed wearily. “Fine. I will tell you. I will, however, extract payment.” As she turned to enter deeper into her home, she couldn’t help but give a relieved chuckle, a sad, knowing smile crossing her features. Doumeki really could, and would, be the one to reverse Watanuki’s payment, and that—that was a job that she had trusted that Doumeki would be able to do those months ago, under the full moon.

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Watanuki blearily sat up, wondering why the blissful sanctuary of sleep he fled him. He gave a soft yawn, realizing that someone was knocking on his door. “How… odd,” he mumbled blankly, untangling himself from the sheets.

He trudged over, reluctantly opening it. “Yes?” His face set into a frown upon seeing Doumeki at his door. “What do you want?”

Doumeki stood, seething silently, glaring all the while at Watanuki.

“Well, as you have nothing to say, I’m going back to sleep,” the bespectacled boy said coolly.

Watanuki suddenly found himself pinned against the door. He stared up at Doumeki for a long time, watching as the archer worked his jaw, feeling as the larger boy worked his fists, the muscles in his arm contracting against Watanuki’s neck.

“Why did you do it?!” Doumeki finally hissed, his rage far beyond the point of yelling.

Watanuki did not miss a beat; he was not confused, nor would he ever be. “It was the best option.”

“There should have been another way! You could have—”

Watanuki pushed Doumeki’s hand off of his chest. He knew this route; they had taken it the year before —the only other time Doumeki had been even close to this mad.

“I could have let you die… that was the other one… Or are you suggesting that I, someone with little to none physical capabilities go try to kill that empath? …No, this was the only alternative that Yuuko gave… and I trust her.”

“How could you trust her after that?! She said it was safe!”

Here, Watanuki would normally roll his eyes, and Doumeki was waiting for that cue. It never came. Instead the bespectacled teen tipped his head. “She apologized. Not even Yuuko-san knows everything,” he said flatly.

Doumeki shook his head; this was too much at once. “Why take away my memories?”

Watanuki shook his head, laying a hand on Doumeki’s cheek. “So it wouldn’t hurt… Right now you’re mad, and you’re hurt… but…” He shook his head again and leaned up, pressing his lips gently to Doumeki’s. “I don’t love you anymore, nor do I hate you… I don’t feel anything at all towards you... Goodbye, Shizuka,” he whispered, almost sadly.

Doumeki stood, at loss for words as he watched Watanuki slip into his apartment. He heard the lock click solidly.

He had the feeling that Watanuki wouldn’t come back to school anymore.

And that was the last of his worries.

END

Uhm... It's the end of this part. There's a sequel to it, because I'm full aware that the ending basically sucks on ice. I'm actually trying to make sense of the plot, because there's so much that has to happen in the sequel, and I'm trying to incorporate it all in an easy to understand manner. Right now, it's for like, fourteen chapters, so look out for it, kay? ^____^

No problem. I'll post it as soon as I can get the first chapter written to my satisfaction. I'll post it here before Fanfiction, kayz? ^_^ ((The story's kicking my a**, Wata-chan's screaming in my ear, Yuuko's tutting that she can make it work better for a price, Mokona's singing along to Paramore, and Doumeki... well, he's just reading my manga, so he, I can deal with...)