Welcome to Gaia! ::

I didn't realize how long I've been inactive until today. People I used to know were talking about things I didn't know about- things that apparently happened 2 months ago. I've also never gotten into this guild, despite it's being around for quite sometime. I kept telling myself I'd post when I'm active. I can't promise that, but I'm going to at least acknowledge myself as part of this community ^^. It was nice seeing some of you guys again after so long, and I look forward to getting on more often when school starts.

Date: August 12, recapping When I Became Inactive Through Now
Mood: nostalgic, selfish, deservedly abandoned
Song: Underneath Your Clothes (Shakira)


Not too much of interest. I stopped getting on at all when school ended on June 22. For the three weeks following, I had 9 hours of summer school 5 days a week. During the time I wasn't at school, I was hanging out with friends and generally trying to enjoy my summer to its fullest. After that, I asked out my best friend, so we've been dating about a month now =). Following that, I went to California for 9 days. I then spent about a week and a half just hanging out with friends and partying (no drugs involved!), and then I went to Church camp. I went to Seattle afterwards, and now I'm back home! So, a basic summary of why I've been completely inactive all summer.

Other Points of interest:

My girlfriend's (Alexy) mom's wedding:
This was way fun! I got to hang out in a Casino for two days with the wedding group, which was exclusively family and close friends. I somehow managed to go, and I'm glad I did. at the wedding reception, I hung out with my friends until late. At about 10 PM, there were only 40 people there. Everyone was totally drunk except for me, Alexy, and her two brothers, so it was hilarious. There was a karaoke machine which just made things better. I sang Toxic!! Then I left =P.

My totalled car!!:
When I got back from California, I was going to see a movie with Alexy, but I hydroplaned at 65 mph on the freeway. My car is totally ruined, but somehow I managed to get away completely unharmed. I still have my lisence somehow, but no car to drive ;.; . My social life is kind of hacked for the rest of the summer...

Yep, the thing I wondered about was "if you'd rather not have people know, why put it on the internet?"

Hm. Not much of interested happened in the last two days. I went to friends' houses, watched movies, played more games.

I spent about 2 hours re-doing my myspace page. I don't really go on there, but I've been surprised how many old friends find my page so I like to keep it nice. I hadn't updated the pictures for almost 2 years, so I reaaaally needed to do that. Plus my personal information wasn't even true anymore xD.

Speaking of which, here are some pictures. I realized most people don't know what I look like anymore, and I know no one has seen me since my hair cut. Here are a few:

Me & Friends at Church Camp


Hott Models ;D


Me and Alexy at Hood Canal


Kerah fell in the water... a lot



Charles, the guy I went up to Seattle to see, hasn't been returning my texts/e-mails/etc. It's only been a couple of days but normally he responds quickly. He works construction and all, but this is still unusual for him. I'm probably overreacting, but this has made me realize how much I'm going to miss him. He's going to be an exchange student in Canada for a year, so when he does visit Washington it will be his closer friends and immediate family. I had a hunch this thing would be short lived from the start, but it still hurts =(

My friend came back from Japan yesterday. She loved it there, and it was so interesting hearing about the culture. Apparently Japophiles don't know what they're doing, because people there aren't really as obsessed with Anime as people think. Like we have more goth-anime dress-ups here than there apparently. Partly because of school dresscodes, but still.

Mood: Nothing
Song: Give Unto Me (Evanescence)

So this has probably been the hardest week of my life...
indentI apologize for spending the majority of my time on towns whining about life, but this really has been a rough spot for me. I told Alexy about everything about 3 days ago, and she broke down crying. It really hurt to watch my best friend suffer so much because of me. In the end we decided to stay dating, but after a night's sleep I realized I couldn't do it. I'm not wild enough about her romantically, I don't want to lead her on. I've been such a jackass to her lately, I feel this will be the last straw, but I'd rather deal with everything now than later. As her best friend, I wouldn't let her date me.
indentI've given Charles over 5 days to reach me. 5 days. I managed to talk to him for 3 minutes on Sunday, but he told me he'd call me back at 9 that night. He still hasn't called me. I suppose deep down I knew he didn't care so much about me anymore, but this has been really really hard on me... staying up to 2 in the morning for 5 nights straight, slowly watching as any hope I had for him died away. THAT is painful. It wasn't just a slap on the face that I could get over. It was 120 hours of waiting for a call, every passing hour further more strangling my hope and confirming my fears. I accepted things as they are this morning, but it still hurts.
indentI feel empty... I have no one to talk to right now. The two people I'd first consider are part of the problem, and my sister hasn't been around the house lately. I talked to Kerah about it, but she got really upset and broke down crying too. I'd tell another friend about it but I don't want to watch more people cry because of me. I'm supposed to go to Silverwood theme park with Alexy, Kerah, and another friend for 2 days, but I almost want to decline. That's pretty bad.
Basically, I feel like no one in real life cares much about me any more. I know it isn't true, and that a lot of this is my fault anyways, but I feel unwanted regardless. You guys have been my only supportive crowd, which is why I've been on so much lately. I guess I used you guys too...

Mood: Philosophical/absent-minded
Song: Love Me Like That (Michelle Branch)


indentThank you ^^. Short version, it was a nasty love triangle. I asked my best friend Alexy out July 14, but I didn't really develop romantic feelings for her like I thought I would. A guy I know who lives in Seattle, Charles, told me that he was interested in me, so I went on a date with him that got pretty intimate. I felt bad about cheating on Alexy, so I told her afterwards. I still really like Charles, but everytime I try to talk to him he says he's really busy and that he'll call me right back. And then he doesn't. The last time this happened was Thursday, when I asked him if he wanted to do something and he said 'sure sounds fun! I'll call you back when I know a good time, my calendar's at home.' and he hasn't called back. He leaves Wednesday for Canada for a year so I doubt he's interested in me anymore, so right now I'm pretty much just trying to clean up the mess this whole thing has created.

indentWell, things are looking like they're getting better. Alexy and I broke up mutually on Wednesday, and it since both of us are cried out on the subject it was pretty painless. We were awkward around each other for a couple of days but now we're good (for the most part... as long as I don't mention anything about Charles or dating in general).
indentIn the end I decided to go to Silverwood with Alexy, Kerah, and our good friend Megan for Kerah's sweet sixteen party. I'm really glad I did. I was debating staying home so that I could go to a church volunteer meeting that I really needed and wanted to go to on Saturday and then go out to dinner with my sister for her birthday on Sunday, but deep down I knew I just wanted to stay in case Charles called and said he was open to do something. He didn't end up calling, but I was so busy and in such a good mood that I didn't particularly care.
indentWe had tons of fun... we went on a lot of rides, played a lot of games in the lines, grabbed some good food, and had a number of interesting experiences that I'm glad I didn't miss. My weekend rocked =).
indentI also had to go to a work meeting for my new childcare position this morning, from 9 to 4. It was interesting, but really awkward... me and my friend Beth are the two Childcare supervisors, but everyone else at the meeting was an actual teacher of some sort; so, me and Beth were the youngest at 16 each followed by a 21 year-old chaplain and then a 25 year-old teacher. It didn't help that me and Beth both went to that school, so we had to sit around with all our old teachers who were now our co-workers xD. Not only that, my mom is the principal there now, so of course that made it even more awkward. It was actually ok except that pretty much nothing applied to my position. Buh... one of my co-workers in childcare reminds me of Professor Umbridge, I hope it's just a bad first impression. I'll leave you on that note :3

Mood: Strangely Carefree
Song: Written In The Stars (Aida Soundtrack)

indentSo I went to youth group last night and things were kind of crazy... as some of you know I run the lights at the youth service on Wednesday and the very very contemperary service on Sundays. I actually get to run them like a low budget concert for the song portions, and set up the audience lighting and stage lighting for the sermon; I do this with my good 13-year-old friend and the projector is run by either her sister or Alexy, so we have lots of fun up there. Well, the tech leader left for Pastor college a couple of days ago and the technical guy was on vacation, so the thing was a mess. Me and the 13-year-old had the lights covered well, but they were slightly off-centered and we're not allowed to mess with them because they cost a bunch of money. The sound thing freaked out a couple of times because a new guy was trying to take over for the old tech leader, and the projection was an absolute mess. Like, the sermon and all the songs weren't there. And of the 5 or so projectionists only one was at the service and she was in the bathroom. So for two songs nothing showed, and we barely found the sermon in time. It was really funny and stressful at the same time, but the youth pastor got kind of ticked. Hehe, not my fault...
inAfter church me and Kerah spent the night at Alexy's house. Pretty much all we did was run to top foods and buy some Velveeta and Mission chips to make nachos, and then we watched 3 episodes of Rock of Love on Demand. We stayed up until 2:30 which sucked because I had to get up at 7.

indentWell I got to my First Aid and CPR Certification class way early because I had to drop my car off at the dealership for a belt replacement, so me and my awesome coworker Beth (the girl on the far right in the Church Camp picture above) went out to breakfast at this new restraunt across the street from the school. Well, we both got meals and were shocked when they came. We both spent 9 dollars on omelette meals, and they gave us 3 egg omelettes stuffed with meat and cheese, a huge pile of hash brown, and this giant biscuit. I was hungry when I came, but half my food was left afterwards and I was stuffed to the point of feeling sick. I ate most of the rest of it for lunch, and the rest is for dinner. It's pretty bad when the portions are so large that one meal has been sufficient for a day's worth of eating...
indentThe CPR class was pretty ridiculous. The video was cheesy, and most of it was stuff like "when someone's bleeding, make them stop bleeding." Like, literally, the speaker said "If you think someone is choking, ask them 'are you choking?" if they nod yes, then call 911 and do the heimlich maneuver." I was like "uh... what? 911 for someone choking on a SANDWHICH?" It was really easy and I spent the time joking with Beth and the only other teenager on staff there. Afterwards we had an after school care meeting. Basically, me and Umbridge- er, I mean Gerry- talked about how we wanted to plan stuff. She totally is like Umbridge! So like, she went into great detail about how she wanted all these strict rules and how she was going to enforce them... for God's sake, they're only 5-7 years old!! xD You're right Anon, I'm gonna have fun messing with her...

indentWell I got fed up with Charles. So I sent him a message on myspace that pretty much said "I feel like you're leading me on... I still like you so this hurts. I'm guessing you don't like me so have a nice life in Canada." He replied saying that he felt really bad, and that he did like me but he didn't think we could work out because we live 4-5 hours apart now and he has no money. I am good at making time for things I want to do and have tons of extra money now, so I replied saying that I could try to make things work if he was up to it... I talked about some other stuff too so it was kind of lengthy. He replied yesterday at 7 PM saying that he read my message but he had a college thing to go to. "I'll reply as soon as I get back!" Well, still no reply... back where we started. Eh. I'll be fine if he ignores me now, but I'd still really like it if things actually worked out. I'll stay posted.

Mood: Tired but Hopeful
Song: The Small Print (Muse)

indentHm, school started Wednesday... craziness! Things went a lot better than I thought they would, I have more friends in my classes than I first thought. My classes are as follows:

1st: Honors English -Lots of friends. Looks fun.
2nd: Honors Biology - I know one person, the rest are all of the honors elitists who feel they are better than everyone else. This is going to be my third year straight of just whining about science class and the people in it with one person, I'm guessing... more fun than it sounds ;D
3rd: Honors Japanese III -Best class ever. This is the class's 3rd year together so we're pretty much a family.
4th: Weights -Lol... I'm gonna be buff ;o!! I was totally alone at first, but two good friends transferred in.
5th: Honors American History -This is probably gonna suck the most... lots of jerks in here.
6th: Honors Precalculus -Ok. I like math and I'm with a good friend.

indentToday was madness! So, last night I was watching Kinsey but there was a power outage. I just got to a really big part of the movie and it just shut off! Kinsey goes "I used to think I was a one or two (straight)... but now I think I'm a three (bi)." Student/friend guy: "Have you ever acted on it? ... Have you wanted to?" And then it shuts off xD. It's not a porno or anything but the movie's based on Kinsey so it's very sexual (it's also really good and interesting. I recommend it). So basically I decide to set my alarm early so that I can watch it. Well, I do that, but when it finishes I realize it's already 7:30 (school starts at 8 ). It was picture day, so I ran through the shower, picked out an outfit, and was running out the door until I couldn't find my keys. Well, it's 8 and I still haven't found them. SO I call my mom, and she's like "I swear I saw them on the counter..." I scour it and realize my brother buried it under the newspaper. I was SOOOO mad... so I leave, spill my precious Diet Coke in my car, and get to class ten minutes late. Not a great start to the day.
indentThings get better but I have to go now. I'll finish later.

Mood: Overworked
Song: Gimme More (Britney Spears)

indentSo. Muse Concert. WAAAY fun. Me and Alexy went and thouroughly enjoyed ourselves. Here's a myspace blog I wrote on it:

Yeah, way fun! It was possibly my best concert experience yet, just because I love the band so much and they sounded AMAZING live...

So my dad drives me over to Alexy's house to pick her up. At first we were going to have me and Alexy go alone, but I would have had to drive and both sets of parents know my directionality is VERY lacking... so they decided it would be better for my dad to take us rather than have me meander Seattle for 2 hours. It was for the best. So, we get Alexy and drive up to Key Arena. We pretty much just talk about random stuff the whole way up, and we played Black Holes and Revelations in the car so my dad knew who we were listening to.

Well, we got there with only 20 minutes to spare, which didn't really matter because we had seated tickets anyways (which SUCKS... we got the tickets a week before the concert so general admission went for $160 at the lowest). We went straight to the T-shirt stand so we didn't have a repeat of the Panic! at the Disco concert, where all the really cool stuff sold out quick. Just like always, we set our eyes on the same thing and decided we'd just both get it. It's kind of sad... we've gotten 5 articles of clothing at concerts together, and we've always gotten the same thing without trying. We just have similar [good] taste I suppose ;D ! We go in to our seats and find them rather lacking. I mean, they were ok, but at this weird angle and surrounded by all these people who just wanted to sit. The opening band came out and was kind of obnoxious... the lead singer looked and sounded like a 37 year old woman trying to stay young. She was wearing these gross tight white pants two... blegh! We decided to just sit in the empty seats straight across from the band, which were farther back but had a better general view of things.

Well, the opening band wasn't doing much for us and was just drowning out our discussions, so we decided to walk around outside. She got a water and I got some skittles. We went back inside when they were done and waited for the band. It was wonderful! They opened with Knights of Cedonia, which I'm not a big fan of but they pulled it off so well with the room accoustics and the lighting that it was amazing. The next three songs were some more of my favorites, like Hysteria, Map of the Problematique, and some other song I love. Well the guy next to us was getting really excited, and he finally just ran down the stairs, jumped over the tape blocking the bottom two rows, and ran into the mosh pit. the guards tried to stop him but he got in there safely. I had been discussing doing that with Lexy, so when he got away with it I tried unsuccessfully to convince her to do the same. Well, about 5 songs later another guy near us jumps the barrier and tries to run into the moshpit- but fails. The guard grabbed his arm and escorted him out.

Well, obviously Lexy wasn't interested in going in anymore. I told her that I wouldn't leave her and go by myself unless they played Stockholm Syndrome, which is seriously one of my favorite songs EVER- right up there with Toxic and Going Under. Well, the next hour or so I just sing loudly to everything they play and dance around in my seat because no one's really around us. Well, near the end of the concert, I hear them start the first few notes of the opening riff of Stockholm Syndrome. I let Lexy know I was going and went for it! I sort of jogged down the stairs, stepped over the tape, put my foot on the barrier, launched off and started running for the moshpit. These two guards started going for me, but I dodged them and started shoving my way into the moshpit. Once I was safely in, I enjoyed rocking out to one of the best songs EVER. Sadly I was only in the moshpit for like 2 or 3 songs, but it was still really fun! Alexy apparently wanted to get down too, but the guard watching our area knew we were together so he watched her like a hawk for the last few songs.

Yeah, fun fun fun! I lost my voice for the night, and my only regret was not jumping in the moshpit sooner! That could have been, like, another hour of fun if we went at the beginning! And then Lexy could have found time to get in too. Next time we get stuck in the seats, we're gonna make a dash for it together at the beginning. Yeah, Muse ROCKS live! It's going to be sad just hearing them on CD now! The lights and video screens were done beautifully, they had lots of fun ideas like flashing up that chorus part of Knights of Cedonia one word at a time. It was cooler than it sounds. It was just a wonderfully done concert, I recommend you guys try to get tickets to their Portland show before it's too late!

indentSo yeah, I didn't think any concerts were coming up that I cared about after this, but it turns out Kelly Clarkson is coming to Seattle November 12. Hell-uh! I'm already stoked! Evanescence is gonna be in Los Angeles in November... but once again their tour misses Washington by a long shot (last time they passed by 8 hours north in Canada). Ah Well.
indentSchool is getting me way overworked. It's not like I'm getting heaps of work so much as I'm used to doing whatever I want with friends. So it's really hard to get back in a routine. I'm staying up late tonight doing homework, and my body's hating it (I've only stayed up late watching mediocre movies, going to concerts, and playing Tales of the Abyss this summer >> ...). Things seem like they're getting better but right now they still suck.

indentWork is in the same boat. It started out really rough, with a kid getting hit on the head with a tetherball pole on Thursday and a 1st grade boy showing a 1st grade girl his p***s on Friday... not to mention staff drama between my Umbridge lady and the other two coworkers on Monday e.e ... today was the first completely normal day, and I hope they stay like this.
indentEh, still feeling overworked, slightly depressed, guilty, and pissed off at Charles, but things are getting better. Nothing's as intense as it once was, so I think I'll be in a good mood come Saturday ^^. Kerah is having a volleyball game on Saturday and the guy she's had a major crush on for months who she thinks might feel the same is gonna be there so me and Alexy are going to try to set them up some how xD...

Speaking of which, I kind of forget that you guys don't really remember all of the people I mention (I don't blame you or anything, just saying)... here's kind of a quick breakdown if anyone wants to know.
Alexy- My best friend for the past 3 years or so. We pretty much do everything together and her mom jokes the two of us were separated at birth because we act a lot the same and have a ton of inside things without trying.
Kerah- A close friend of me and Lexy who goes to a Christian HS in the area. She comes off as preppy and shallow to some, but she's really fun and can be smart/serious when she has to be. She's good for me because she's so spontanious and crazy.
Emily- My sister. We were best friends for a decent amount of time, but her senior year she started drifting. We're still really close, but she's getting more distant all the time.
Gerry- Crazy coworker. "Umbridge".
Beth- Cool coworker.
So yeah anyone else I can specify. Sorry I'm just kind of lazy that way... this is starting to sound like a drama with characters or something x3.
Well, love the new avi Clear! And Pillow, I haven't seen you in ages.