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 Posted: Mon Aug 13, 2007 1:16 pm
"The only good is knowledge and the only evil is ignorance" came from a fortune cookie.
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Posted: Mon Aug 13, 2007 1:19 pm
I fired this to jaden earlier, who suggested that it should wind up here...storytime! Byaggha Oh, you might find this fun. I explained the concept of the Great Rite to my husband last night, then pointed out that one of our favorite questions of wannabe Wiccans around the forum was 'How do you perform the Great Rite alone?' His response? "Sounds like you've discovered a great euphamism for go ******** yourself - Go perform a solitary Great Rite." xd
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Posted: Fri Aug 24, 2007 3:35 pm
Heathen should mean any person with a lick of brains who does not worship the Abrahamic God.
And let us not forget:
Where/How in the nine hells of DMJ's all you can eat buffet did you come up with that one?
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Posted: Tue Feb 26, 2008 7:39 pm
So this guy gets on a plane, sits down, and then he does a double take. In the seat right across the aisle from him is a parrot. So he's like "Whatever, the flight attendants don't seem to care about it," and forgets about it.
A little later, he feels thirsty so he stops a flight attendent and starts to say, "I'd like a coffee, I'm feeling kinda thirsty. But he only makes it to "feeling" before the parrot loudly interrupts with "Hey girl! Get me a whiskey!" So she hurries off and quickly returns with a full shot glass, but no coffee. He points this out to her, but the parrot, who quickly finished his whiskey says, "Gimme another whiskey." She turns to the guy again and starts to say something but the parrot cuts her off with, "I said now, b***h, or else I'll make a scene and you really don't want that." So she runs back to the kitchen and returns with whiskey but still no coffee.
By now, the guy is understandably getting pissed. So, he decides to try the parrot's way. As the flight attendant turns to go, he shouts, "YOU! GET ME SOME COFFEE OR I'LL MAKE A SCENE THAT MAKES HIS SCENE LOOK LIKE A BUDDHIST TEMPLE!"
Seconds later, both he and the parrot are grabbed by a burly security guard and thrown out the emergency exit. In the minutes before he reaches the ground the parrot says to him, "You're a pretty cheeky b*****d for someone who can't fly."
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Posted: Sun Mar 02, 2008 4:31 pm
Once there was this old man sitting on the porch of an old gas station rocking back and forth in a chair. He was pretty much minding his own business when this 13 yr old boy with a multicolor mohawk came running by the old man. He stopped in his chair and waited for the boy to come out then he waved to him. The old man looked at the boy and said "Son have you ever done anything that you might of regret in this life." The boy shook his head. The old man leaned back and replied "Well son when I was younger I had an affair with a peacock and thought you were my son."
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Posted: Sun Mar 02, 2008 4:34 pm
Never hold anything against a man that he may say when in grieving~ Jewish Proverb
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Posted: Wed Nov 04, 2009 8:33 pm
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Posted: Sun Jan 23, 2011 7:50 pm
I couldn't stop laughing after I heard this:
How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two. One to screw in the bulb, and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality, in a netherworld of endless absurdity, reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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Posted: Sun Jan 23, 2011 8:03 pm
DeutscheElfie I couldn't stop laughing after I heard this: How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two. One to screw in the bulb, and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality, in a netherworld of endless absurdity, reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.oops...somebody got me on lightbulb jokes.
How many Feminist lesbians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
That's not funny.
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Posted: Sun Jan 23, 2011 8:10 pm
* How many Gardernians does it take to change a light bulb?
Sorry, that's a Third Degree secret.
* How many Alexandrians does it take to change a light bulb?
How is it the Gardnerians do it again?
*How many traditional Witches does it take to change a light bulb?
Candle light was good enough for our ancestors, it's good enough for us!
* How many Thelemites does it take to change a light bulb?
93.
* How many Frost "School of Wicca" or "Correllian" Witches does it take to change a light bulb?
"Just you! That's right, YOU! And for only $195 we'll send you our complete "Witches Magic Power of Light Bulb Changing Course" with real knowledge that you can apply this to ANY light bulb ANYwhere!
Listen to the testimony of a young couple from Wisconsin who..."
* How many Proteans does it take to change a light bulb?
I can't tell you--we never change a light bulb the same way twice!
* How many ADF druids does it take to change a light bulb?
Six. One to change the bulb, one to write a song about how much better
the old bulb was, and four to write conflicting parodies of the second
Druid's song.
* How many Ceremonial Magicians does it take to change a light bulb?
1) One. They hold it up, and the world revolves around them.
2) Only one, but he has to do it on the 3rd friday of a month
when the Moon is in Taurus and it's the fifth planetary hour...
and it's *not* funny
* How many Astrologers does it take to change a light bulb?
"Don't ask me now, Mercury's retrograde!"
* How many Asatruar does it take to change a light bulb?
1) Nine - one to hold the bulb, and eight to drink until the room spins.
2) None, there is plenty of light coming from the burning monestary
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Posted: Sun Jan 23, 2011 8:14 pm
Militant Christian DeutscheElfie I couldn't stop laughing after I heard this: How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two. One to screw in the bulb, and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality, in a netherworld of endless absurdity, reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.oops...somebody got me on lightbulb jokes.
How many Feminist lesbians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
That's not funny. HAHAHAHA!! My tea came out my nose! Hilarity!
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Posted: Sun Jan 23, 2011 8:15 pm
scorplett * How many Gardernians does it take to change a light bulb? Sorry, that's a Third Degree secret. * How many Alexandrians does it take to change a light bulb? How is it the Gardnerians do it again? *How many traditional Witches does it take to change a light bulb? Candle light was good enough for our ancestors, it's good enough for us! * How many Thelemites does it take to change a light bulb? 93. * How many Frost "School of Wicca" or "Correllian" Witches does it take to change a light bulb? "Just you! That's right, YOU! And for only $195 we'll send you our complete "Witches Magic Power of Light Bulb Changing Course" with real knowledge that you can apply this to ANY light bulb ANYwhere! Listen to the testimony of a young couple from Wisconsin who..." * How many Proteans does it take to change a light bulb? I can't tell you--we never change a light bulb the same way twice! * How many ADF druids does it take to change a light bulb? Six. One to change the bulb, one to write a song about how much better the old bulb was, and four to write conflicting parodies of the second Druid's song. * How many Ceremonial Magicians does it take to change a light bulb? 1) One. They hold it up, and the world revolves around them. 2) Only one, but he has to do it on the 3rd friday of a month when the Moon is in Taurus and it's the fifth planetary hour... and it's *not* funny * How many Astrologers does it take to change a light bulb? "Don't ask me now, Mercury's retrograde!" * How many Asatruar does it take to change a light bulb? 1) Nine - one to hold the bulb, and eight to drink until the room spins. 2) None, there is plenty of light coming from the burning monestary This is hilarious! By the way...I love your Cow c'thulhu. I am a fan.
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Posted: Sun Jan 23, 2011 8:22 pm
I'm hooked on science jokes...
"A neutrino walks into a bar and the bar tender says, 'We do not serve neutrinos here.' The neutrino says, "Hey, I was just passing through."
Or...
A mushroom tries to get into a bar, but the boucer woun't let him in.
"No mushrooms allowed" said the bartender.
"But c'mon," the mushroom said "I'm a fungi!"
*ba-dum-tssh*
Also...A biochemist eats some D-dextrose and then tries some L-dextrose. Since he didn't get sick he assumes he's ambidextrose.
heeeheee...
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Posted: Sun Jan 23, 2011 8:50 pm
More Lightbulb jokes! Had to look into the far past of my facebook to find these, but Boxy gave me the win and candy award for the Bush one, so I figured they were worth sharing. Last is from Jaden.
Q. How many Frenchmen does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A. It doesn't matter; if you're depending on the French to do the job, it's already screwed.
Q. how many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A. blondes don't screw in lightbulbs, they screw in hot tubs!
Q: How many libertarians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: None. If it needed doing, the free market would've done it by now.
Q: How many economists does it take to change a light bulb? A: According to this regression analysis, approximately 0.732
(Bonus economist joke: How can you tell if an economist has a sense of humor? He uses a decimal point.)
Q: How many Bush Administration officials does it take to screw in a
light bulb?
A: None. There is nothing wrong with the light bulb; it's condition is
improving every day. Any reports of it's lack of incandescence are
totally unfounded, and the result of delusional "spin" assaults from the
fanatic, elitist, liberal media. That light bulb has served honorably,
and anything you say undermines the lighting effect and dims it's ego.
Why do you hate freedom?
Q. how many tea partiers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. None...the goverment does it for them so they can later b***h how the goverment doesnt help them and they dont want it running their lives.
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Posted: Mon Jan 24, 2011 3:35 pm
Militant Christian More Lightbulb jokes! Had to look into the far past of my facebook to find these, but Boxy gave me the win and candy award for the Bush one, so I figured they were worth sharing. Last is from Jaden.
Q. How many Frenchmen does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A. It doesn't matter; if you're depending on the French to do the job, it's already screwed.
Q. how many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A. blondes don't screw in lightbulbs, they screw in hot tubs!
Q: How many libertarians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: None. If it needed doing, the free market would've done it by now.
Q: How many economists does it take to change a light bulb? A: According to this regression analysis, approximately 0.732
(Bonus economist joke: How can you tell if an economist has a sense of humor? He uses a decimal point.)
Q: How many Bush Administration officials does it take to screw in a
light bulb?
A: None. There is nothing wrong with the light bulb; it's condition is
improving every day. Any reports of it's lack of incandescence are
totally unfounded, and the result of delusional "spin" assaults from the
fanatic, elitist, liberal media. That light bulb has served honorably,
and anything you say undermines the lighting effect and dims it's ego.
Why do you hate freedom?
Q. how many tea partiers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. None...the goverment does it for them so they can later b***h how the goverment doesnt help them and they dont want it running their lives. Love the political ones!!! Boxy does have taste in humor though. He certainly uses a decimal point XD
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