This is a proto-type beginning for a story I'm in the process of writing.
Please, give me an honest opinion on it, I'd really appreciate it.^_^
A soft, yet firm breeze christened the wide-spread wings, ruffled the proud crown of feathers, and sent the eagle soaring off into the gathering eve.
It had been a strange week for the animal, who was ever sensative to it's surroundings, to the very workings of nature itself. The Nights had grown colder. It's normally life-enriched hunting grounds of the forest had, of late, been devoid of it's favorite pick of small, succulent morsels, field mice and Amoeba Toads, and even the occasional stray Fowling Racker that had fallen from it's parent's nest.
The proud bird, usually the king of it's domain, had awakened from a night's slumber earlier that evening......
And it had been running ever since, fear driving it to the one safe haven it had left.
Over wide fields and sprawling lakes it flew, until, in the far distance, loomed a castle, it's powder-blue roof-tops and sheer-white marble walls, it's turrets and balconies waving the ensignia of the Kingdom of Air proudly above all else, as the town floated above the hard Earth for several miles, truly at one with the element it took it's name from.
It almost made those glistening white walls. Almost made it to the safety of the barrier surrounding the peaceful town, even now turning in for the night.
But the Crimson Crystal stopped it's hurried flight.
Glistening a sinister red, it's thousands of facets catching the remains of the day's light for the briefest of instants before the sun dissapeared, it hovered before the stunned animal, who screeched in terror and dove.
The Crystal appeared again, blocking the Hawks path.
A sharp turn towards the spreading night, and the hawk veered yet again, as the Crimson Eye yet again blocked the flight of the bird.
Indignant, and a little more than afraid, surely angered, the animal flapped backward slightly, then lunged at the Crystal with it's beak....
*****************************
It was the briefest of sounds, merely a sharp note hanging on the evening air. Had the Darkness of night not been so much more dense in that part of the sky, the woman standing on a balcony of the castle, looking out to the sky above, to the sunset, would have merely dismissed it as one of the nights many creatures. Her waist-length pink hair, tied back into an elegant pony-tail, turned with her emerald-green eyes to scan the horizon, along with the rest of her five-foot-nine frame, clothed in a green dress, which matched her eyes, emblazoned with white and gold symbols depicting the flowing air, and slit down both sides to allow her slender legs freedom of movement.
A small gasp escaped her lips as she spotted the hawk. One moment, it was seeming to attack the sky itself.
The next, a black blot engulfed the poor creature, rent the night air with a sharp crack, and turned a sickly color of black and red swirls.
The Hawk's bare bones fell from the sky.
The creature turned it's eye towards the girl.
And she ran for her father, tears of fear flowing unchecked.....
I'm still working on this story, so it won't be perfect, but please let me know what you think of it so far, okay?^_^ [ The first part is short because I'm short on time nowadays. ]
Please, give me an honest opinion on it, I'd really appreciate it.^_^
Prologue: Shadow of the "Nitemair", Reborn. {Part One}
A soft, yet firm breeze christened the wide-spread wings, ruffled the proud crown of feathers, and sent the eagle soaring off into the gathering eve.
It had been a strange week for the animal, who was ever sensative to it's surroundings, to the very workings of nature itself. The Nights had grown colder. It's normally life-enriched hunting grounds of the forest had, of late, been devoid of it's favorite pick of small, succulent morsels, field mice and Amoeba Toads, and even the occasional stray Fowling Racker that had fallen from it's parent's nest.
The proud bird, usually the king of it's domain, had awakened from a night's slumber earlier that evening......
And it had been running ever since, fear driving it to the one safe haven it had left.
Over wide fields and sprawling lakes it flew, until, in the far distance, loomed a castle, it's powder-blue roof-tops and sheer-white marble walls, it's turrets and balconies waving the ensignia of the Kingdom of Air proudly above all else, as the town floated above the hard Earth for several miles, truly at one with the element it took it's name from.
It almost made those glistening white walls. Almost made it to the safety of the barrier surrounding the peaceful town, even now turning in for the night.
But the Crimson Crystal stopped it's hurried flight.
Glistening a sinister red, it's thousands of facets catching the remains of the day's light for the briefest of instants before the sun dissapeared, it hovered before the stunned animal, who screeched in terror and dove.
The Crystal appeared again, blocking the Hawks path.
A sharp turn towards the spreading night, and the hawk veered yet again, as the Crimson Eye yet again blocked the flight of the bird.
Indignant, and a little more than afraid, surely angered, the animal flapped backward slightly, then lunged at the Crystal with it's beak....
*****************************
It was the briefest of sounds, merely a sharp note hanging on the evening air. Had the Darkness of night not been so much more dense in that part of the sky, the woman standing on a balcony of the castle, looking out to the sky above, to the sunset, would have merely dismissed it as one of the nights many creatures. Her waist-length pink hair, tied back into an elegant pony-tail, turned with her emerald-green eyes to scan the horizon, along with the rest of her five-foot-nine frame, clothed in a green dress, which matched her eyes, emblazoned with white and gold symbols depicting the flowing air, and slit down both sides to allow her slender legs freedom of movement.
A small gasp escaped her lips as she spotted the hawk. One moment, it was seeming to attack the sky itself.
The next, a black blot engulfed the poor creature, rent the night air with a sharp crack, and turned a sickly color of black and red swirls.
The Hawk's bare bones fell from the sky.
The creature turned it's eye towards the girl.
And she ran for her father, tears of fear flowing unchecked.....
I'm still working on this story, so it won't be perfect, but please let me know what you think of it so far, okay?^_^ [ The first part is short because I'm short on time nowadays. ]
