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Posted: Thu Aug 16, 2007 11:12 am
AUTHOR'S NOTE: I wrote this story about 3 years ago,and it is currentley going thru re-editing. With a little help from my friend and beta,Stace,this story shall be better then the original. Anyways,like I previously said,this story is going thru re-editing. The story's old tittle was "Averion's Journey" But I've decided that I should re-name it to a more,fitting tittle. This story is Fiction,and none of it is true. If it wasn't,then were would the fun be in that? I'll post chapter one for now,and if you like it so far,I'll post more. The story starts out slow,but progresses later on. Enjoy!
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Posted: Fri Sep 28, 2007 4:40 pm
+Introduction
Somewhere is a vast meadow, wildflowers and birds twittered and blew in the summer's newfound breeze.
However, there was only one thing that ruined this perfect meadow's image.
It was a giant stone slab, that lay tilted to the side, in the middle of the meadow.
On the slab, words were carved into it. It read:
"Every Millenia,a Winged One shall be born.
He or She,will either inhabit the Kingdom, or rule it.
The tribe they shall reside in depends on the color of the wings.
If no Winged One is born into the human world after a melinia ,then one shall be born into the Kingdom.
A Winged One can not tell his or her's friends or relatives, about thier ability. If a human is told about said ability, then the winged one shall lose his or her ability, and the human shall have a memory gap.
There shall be many great Winged Ones, all heroes, but only one shall be the most heroic of all.
This destined King or Queen, shall lead the Kingdom to ever-lasting truimphant."
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Posted: Fri Sep 28, 2007 4:42 pm
+Chapter One: Beginnings
It was a very hot mid-morning. The Sun's scorching hot rays made it seem as if though the town was the Sahara Desert.
However, it wasn't a desert at all. Instead, it was the quiet little town of Daehel Central.
But this story isn't about hot weather, or a quiet little town named Daehel Central. This, is the story about Averion.
Who is this Averion you ask? Well some would describe him as a typical 15 year old teenager. Those of who just met him would say differently.
However Averion being normal was a far cry from home. He had many odd, attributes. But two of them simply stuck out the most.
These two "odd" attributes would have to be his hair, and eyes.
Most people who were asked would say that Averion's snowy white hair would stand out in the summer, but often blended in during the winter. Despie the fact that having white hair was sometimes "normal," Averion's just was completely...different.
Now his eyes. His eyes were a piercing shade of yellow, almost like a cat's. The fact that Averion's yellow eyes are abnormal, it is also an unexpected, and strange oddity. Averion was also known to have a slight temper. So whenever he is angered, he would often glare at people. Those of who have witnessed this glare say that Averion's yellow eyes would almost give off a slight "glow."
Even though Averion was abnormal, he still was an honest, and courageous teenage boy.
But because of these things, Averion would often stick out more in corwds amongst people.
For instance, Averion was now standing in the courtyard of his new school that he would be attending for the rest of his life in Daehel. Well not exactly for the rest of his life, more like until graduation.
As Averion stood there, other students around him, began to take notice of him.
He began walking in a quick stride across the courtyard, towards the school's front steps. But for some reason, he stopped half-way.
Nervously, he turned around in order to face the opposite direction of the steps, and glanced at his mother through her car window.
Realizing he was looking at her, she simply stared at him and mouthed the words "Go on," before speeding away in her Volvo.
Averion sighed, and grasped at the only choice he had left, to walk back towards the steps again.
The walk wasn't long, but he could here his hearting beat against his ribcage, and feel the sweat on his forehead.
Once inside, Averion noticed that the Main Hall of the Jr.High was somewhat bleak. It was pretty obvious that the school did not spend alot of money on decorating.
After searching around the bleak hallway, Averion managed to find a glass door with the sign "MAIN OFFICE," which was plastered above it.
As Averion walked into the office, he let out a sigh of relief, realizing that this truly was the Main office. 'There's one thing off my to do list,' thought Averion.
While walking into the room, Averion noticed a plump looking woman with red hair sitting behind a desk. Ontop of the desk, a name plate read "Maine Office Secretary" was perched next to a half eaten apple, along with some paperwork.
Averion apporoached the desk and asked nervously. "Um,hello? Could you possibly help me?"
The lady stopped mid-way while writting a staff memo, and looked up to see where the voic had come from.
"Oh, hello dear. Sure I can help. How may I be of assistance?" asked the lady.
"I'm new here, so I was wondering if you could possibly give me a schdeule..or something?"
"Well, if you tell me your name I'll probably be able to help you, "or something." The last part of her sentence was obviously full of humor.
"Oh,I almost forgot..Heh..my name is Averion Tribuane."
Without haste, the lady pulled out a list labeled "New Students" from a nearby folder.
"Ah, here you are. Well Mr.Tribuane, it seems that you are in homeroom 35, Mr.Smith, 8th Grade, and up on the 3rd floor."
The lady paused in order to pull out a yellow slip from a cabinet, and handed it to Averion.
"I just need you to get that slip signed by all your teachers and return it to me by the end of the day. Now just wait a minute while the printer finishes printing out your schedule and a school map."
The printer let out one final beep, and produced two piecies of paper.
The lady then garbbed them,and handed them both over to Averion.
"Thank you Mrs.."
"Figg, Mrs.Figg. Now, you should head towards your homeroom. Period one starts in 6 minutes. Don't worry, I'll let Mr.Smith know that you're on your way. If you need anything just come back and see me."
Averion gave a quick 'Thank you' to mrs.Figg ebfore stepping out of the office and heading on his way to find his classroom.
******
After many failed attempts, Averion finally managed to find Homeroom 35.
As he entered the room, all eyes landed on him. He heard some students whispering things such as 'Hey, who's he?' and 'Woa, look at his hair.'
Realizing this, Mr.Smith got up from behind his desk and said direclty to Averion "Please take a seat near Ms.Bromwell, Mr.Averion." As Mr.Smith said that,he pointed to a vacant seat near a girl who appeared to be a brunette.
As Averion sat down, he dumped his messenger bag besides him on the floor, and was startled when the brunette next to him outstreched her hand towards him.
"Hi my name's Rebecca. What's yours?"
"Averion." And with that he grasped Rebecca's hand and shook it.
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Posted: Sat Sep 29, 2007 4:02 am
Well, it certainly sounds very interesting. I would like to point out, though, that there are a few misplaced commas. For example,
"an unexpected, and strange oddity"
Unless you have more than two qualities, you don't need the comma there. Also in some of the sentences there are commas that you probably don't need. In my opinion, anyway, it can disrupt the flow. (But then again, I could just be a dipstick for it rolleyes ) I would also suggest adding a little more description. Maybe... what did Mr. Smith look like? A little description about the room? Bits like that.
Otherwise, I like it. Good job! ^^
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Posted: Sat Sep 29, 2007 7:41 am
thanks, I'll keep those tips in mind ^^
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