Sorry for making two topics in one day, but this is kind of sort of different maybe a little bit. The other one was pretty much just a rambling thread.
So right now I have this internet boyfriend ( gonk I know it'll probably never lead anywhere, but. . .) who I'm totally crazy over. And it breaks my heart to think I'm lying to him about who I am when I say I'm a dude. I know on the inside I am, but still. I think if I started to transition I'd feel better about myself.
And even if he and I break up, I want to have relationships irl, and I want my partner to always know who I really am on the inside.
Even in my relationship with Cody, he didn't seem to be able to understand that I was just as much of a guy as him.
The problem is, my mom'd flip if she found out I was closet-crossdressing, much less wanting to dress and look like a guy in public. Especially in this neighborhood, where everyone's rich and preppy and perfect. No matter what I say, I'm still afraid of what people think and what they could do to me.
I'm torn. ):
So right now I have this internet boyfriend ( gonk I know it'll probably never lead anywhere, but. . .) who I'm totally crazy over. And it breaks my heart to think I'm lying to him about who I am when I say I'm a dude. I know on the inside I am, but still. I think if I started to transition I'd feel better about myself.
And even if he and I break up, I want to have relationships irl, and I want my partner to always know who I really am on the inside.
Even in my relationship with Cody, he didn't seem to be able to understand that I was just as much of a guy as him.
The problem is, my mom'd flip if she found out I was closet-crossdressing, much less wanting to dress and look like a guy in public. Especially in this neighborhood, where everyone's rich and preppy and perfect. No matter what I say, I'm still afraid of what people think and what they could do to me.
I'm torn. ):
