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De(j)en--Critique Appreciated, but not expected

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schmeddyhead

Eloquent Hunter

PostPosted: Fri Sep 07, 2007 12:06 am


Prolly officially my favorite character, and the active one in the roleplay (albeit tweaked (radically, in some ways) so I don't have to like, kill Raincrow with backstory in conversation XD)

Name: Dejen Klaer (wonky 'cause of the language) (day-yen Klair) or, Child of Ferrinjth (Fer-in-ith)

Age: Immortal (as opposed to invincible), approx. 550 in human years. On Loret, there is no means of telling time, so it is intangible there. Appears, however, to be about 21.

Appearance: (Loret only, his appearance on Earth is imitative) Dejen has straight, thin white hair that falls down to his waist, and his skin is almost equally pale. However, his skin carries a blue-grayish cast due to it's translucency and his general malnutrition. He stands at the height of seven feet, and his body is sickeningly gaunt, due to a hyperactive metabolism. While he has barely any muscle mass at all, his muscles are very prominent due to the general lack of fat. He is covered, literally from head to toe in dark green tribal designs, indicative of his mastery of magic. His arms, legs, fingers and toes are noticably longer than that of a human's. Dejen's eyes are the same deep green as the tattoos on his body. He has a generally masculine face, long, with a squared jaw, cleft chin, romanesque nose and long, thin lips.

He most often is seen wearing a long, white, loose cloak that covers the arms and extends to the floor, with the hood up, as well as white leather gloves and boots. The majority of the time, he is also wearing a dark green and black mask that would appear to be a series of hands covering his face.

Personality: Extremely introverted and soft spoken, his personality is radically underdeveloped and naive, like that of a child's, though his knowledge is far beyond that. His emotions are usually subtle and implied, often communicated only through body language. Anything beyond stoicism, in fact, seems unsure and unbalanced. He smiles like he doesn't know truly how to do so, laughs like, perhaps, he shouldn't be laughing.

He is, however, incredibly arrogant. He refuses to accept most forms of change, especially if they challenge a belief of his. He is a moral absolutist, and believes Winikonians (the race unfortunately labelled as "evil" before times changed) are inferior to Lorettans. (See: bigot). While he does have a strong belief in the freedom of choice, he tends to be selfish, and has a difficult time grappling with the idea that people may not think his path is the right one.

History: Dejen is a walking paradox. He is not a natural Lorettan, which he calls his homeland. He is, rather, a child of the very fallible Gods...for a purpose: to prevent the imbalance of the universe. He was sent down to Loret (at the time, a world of pure good), and, properly hailed as a divine child, raised to be Loret's future monarch, a throne he received immediately after his magical education ended. His first decision was to put up a magical barrier preventing the nation's enemy, Winikon, the purely evil race, from entering Loret. Granted, this took up all his magical power, but so long as Loret was safe from such an oppressive force, he did not care.

However, in the universe the God's created, good cannot exist without evil, and so various members of Loret turned insane and homicidal, becoming evil. Meanwhile, some people of Winikon were becoming less evil. One of the Lorettans afflicted with this unfortunate curse was Haedin, Dejen's best friend and military advisor. Another was his wife, and perhaps the only person Dejen ever loved, Raelleil. Haedin chose to leave Loret and join Winikon, where he soon rose to the rank opposite of Haedin: monarch. Raelleil, on the other hand, attempted to murder her and Dejen's child. In an effort to save the child from both the war and his own mother, Dejen sent it to Earth, but had to kill Raelleil in the process. Having taken the barrier down to prevent further insanity, Winikon easily overran Loret and occupied it for years.

Suffice to say, the world had become unbalanced, and Dejen was the cause of the single event he was created to prevent. Good and evil disappeared into a debateable grey line, etc.

Other:

Was created as a physical representation of the Gods

His tattoos are green because he worships his "father", Katan, despite his title being named after his "mother"

Suffers from a variety of health problems since birth: anaemic, his skin is paper-thin, and so cuts very easily, over-active metabolism, as already mentioned, he bleeds excessively, and has asthma

Is severely crippled in my story by Haedin (who was trying to cast a death spell on him, but his magical power was not great enough for it to succeed) and needs a cane for his bad leg for the entire course of the story

Has prophetic powers, because Ferrinjth is a time goddess, but they pretty much never show him anything useful

Amy (my apocalypse-bringer) is a direct descendent of his (and, creepily enough, later his lover)

Bites his lip excessively

While on Earth, drinks coffee and reads newspapers for almost all his spare time

Must wear sunglasses on Earth if he goes out, his eyes are particularly sensitive to harsh light

His Earth descendants have formed a cultish worshipping of him, which he loathes
PostPosted: Sun Sep 09, 2007 12:38 am


That is... really interesting. And not in a bad way.

In fact, I wish I'd thought of something like this. Damn!

d^.^b He's really cool!

deactivated28752859652


Raincrow
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PostPosted: Sun Sep 09, 2007 12:48 am


I like that for the offspring of gods, he's got the physical constitution of a Kleenex. xd
PostPosted: Sun Sep 09, 2007 10:44 am


Raincrow
I like that for the offspring of gods, he's got the physical constitution of a Kleenex. xd


The guy's like a magical Jeigan unit; good until you get past the first few chapters. [/Fire Emblem reference]

I want to poke him. Just for kicks. See if his skin falls off and all that.

VenusRain

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schmeddyhead

Eloquent Hunter

PostPosted: Sun Sep 09, 2007 2:40 pm


Thanks Ooare. ^^;; Took me five years to make him not a total Gary-Stu "Tall Dark Mysterious" Cliche D; *found her oldest copy of the story recently ._.*

Dem Gods haven't gotten dem test-tube bebehs right yet!

It's not very nice to poke Dejen's skin off. emo
PostPosted: Mon Sep 10, 2007 5:20 pm


I bet if he and Sabine ever met, she would hover and worry over him incessantly, constantly afraid he would, I dunno, get a paper-cut and die or something. xd

Raincrow
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Charlie_The_Bad

PostPosted: Mon Sep 10, 2007 11:58 pm


Another way to do prophecy is the "Twelve Monkeys" effect; i.e., know the future, but be unable to change it. That would make him more classically tragic, I think.
PostPosted: Thu Sep 13, 2007 3:47 pm


@Raincrow: Oh, no worries for Sabine, the Gods won't let him die until he helps fix the mess he caused. They have plans for him! >=E He just gets to be in a lot of pain. blaugh

@Charlie: 12 Monkeys is great. =]

I considered that, but it's more I didn't want his power to be too great, especially since I'm dealing with an apocalypse story, so I can't deal with him knowing the answer to the question before the story ends.

Plus, I have enough of the angst factor as it is. D; I can get around that because when the guy does talk, he's pretty much got all the vigor of a history textbook, so he doesn't talk much.

Lucky for me I decided to not write from his POV. ._.;;

His brain would prolly literally be like, "Ohhh, woe is me! My life is a mi-se-ry!"

schmeddyhead

Eloquent Hunter

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