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My Inner Desires for "Him"

I'll be loud and obnoxious occasionally on the outside,
But no one knows I want "him" to catch my cries.
"He" would hold them too close to my face,
Helping me to force them out of my personal space.
No one sees when I want to cry in the corner;
"He" would, and tell me to be no mourner.
I don't want "him" to support my whole life;
To function, I need to throw myself to strife.
It's too bad "he" is only a figment;
Of course, "he" is also not malignant.
For so long, "he" can be my fnatasy.
I await the day I grow up and love a reality.

What's Wrong With Me?!

It makes no difference, whatever I do;
Eventually my feelings get through.
I live through a dellusion with a happy view
Before I accept what I already knew.

It's no matter who I have feelings for;
I never share love with those I adore.
I do not know if I can take much more
Of all those who are slamming the door.

I can't tell what I'm not doing right.
Those I love don't see my line of sight,
So I end up almost crying at night.
Then I face rejection at day's light.

I probably do too little too late;
In the beginning, I should get my feelings straight.
I know it's their response I'll hate;
At least I won't fool myself with ideas of a date.

I guess I wish I was the right one,
Though it seems I'll be loved by none.
My selfishness is really no fun.
I'll just spit it out and be done.

(Anti)Love Life

She has none, had none, cries for one.
No one has a heart for her; they all run.
She too now runs, and there is no chase;
She hopes to hide her heart and face.
Far away, she can love in silnce
Until comes the heartbreaking violence.
She fears such rejection, though it's all she hears.
Her heart has only been broken over the years.

A man falls in love after only a glance;
She knows, and thinks of the chance.
Soon, he becomes her pet peeve
Rather than a good dream.
Her mind has a flat rejection of some fashion,
But her heart begs pity and compassion.
She goes with him for a little while
Before snapping out of her smile.

A new man appears in her life;
Now her heart faces strife.
Those she once loved poisoned her with pain;
She fears this man's love, she cannot gain.
For one man, her heart may be a puppet.
The other is whom she covets.
She faces the hardest part;
The dreadful question in her heart:

To be given love, but not give back;
Or to quietly love who sees her as a friendly sack?

I don't want sex. And I haven't had a boy/girlfriend, so I want one.... I don't have to pick, though. Just saying that if I did.

I had five people vote that I needed a boyfriend. They left out girlfriend for some reason...Oh, I told them afterwards....