Welcome to Gaia! ::

Alright, this is just a couple of snippets from my original novel Love Traitor Complex. Ayixe, Fen and Rynk have just escaped with their lives, and are trying to leave the planet.

These scenes will be one whole one once I write in the gap, but this is just to see if anyone likes the banter between the main characters. Anyone think it could be better? Constructive crits are always, always welcome.


Alarms could be heard throughout the thick forest, even when they couldn’t see the giant compound the noise was coming from anymore. The trees pressed in so tight that the three suns of Etheos couldn’t make it’s rays through, leaving the area as dark as night, making it harder for them to see where they were going.

The screeching of giant skow drew closer as a young woman shoved her way as quickly as possible through the thickage, pushing an even younger girl in front of her.

“Get the hell out of here! Run! RUN!!” The young woman cried, terror etching her voice as she tried desperately to hack through the foliage with nothing but a plain walking stick.

The girl tried to turn around and look behind her. “Where are they?! I don’t see them!!”

“Don’t f*cking turn around, you little punk!” The woman barked out, on the verge of panic. The heavy pack that was slung over her shoulder began to struggle, and she had to grit her teeth and tighten her grip around the opening of the bag so her prey wouldn’t escape. “Move your d*mn feet!!” She hissed to the girl.

“Ayixe, don’t cuss at her like that!” A voice came from the woman’s wristwatch, and she let out a growl, becoming more and more annoyed.

She brought the watch up to her mouth and spoke into it. “Shut up, Rynk, you jack*ss! We can argue about this when we’re not about to die!”

“But don’t-”

“Argh!!” Ayixe pushed the little button on her holographic watch so that her communication was cut off with Rynk. She didn’t need his damn lectures at the moment. What she needed was to get back to her ship and away from this insane
asylum.

The howls of the skow became clearer still. Sharper. More defined, and another jolt of panic rushed through her. They had to almost be at the ship, she knew, they had landed close enough to where she had a good change of making it if it came down to running away from something vicious, such as the nasty, feline-like mutants that fed on human intestine and wore the skin of those they killed to eat.

Ayixe couldn’t help but let out an involuntary shudder as they finally broke through the trees and into the small clearing the Love Complex had made when it had docked, it’s silver-metalic outer covering sparkling in the triple sunlight as if it was a gigantic oddly-shaped mirror.
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“Get us the hell out of here, Rynk!” Ayixe shouted, slamming herself into the copilot seat and buckling up as fast as she could, the struggling package lying forgotten on the hard, steel floor.

“What did you do?” Rynk shouted over the noise of the ship powering up. “It was supposed to be a simple in-and-out mission! How did they detect you?!” He grabbed a bar handle and pushed it up on the ship’s panel, bringing the entire flying machine up off the ground ever so slowly.

“It sure as hell wasn’t my fault!” She pointed her finger back at Fen, who was busy holding onto her seat for dear life. “Someone thought it would be amusing to leave a little parting gift for the guards!”

“What did she leave?”

“One of her little firebombs! I didn’t even catch her sneaking them off the ship!” Ayixe inhaled sharply and waved her finger at the small child behind her. “And don’t f*cking think for a second that I won’t clear the ship of those things, you little brat! No more explosives for you! And no more going out on jobs with me, either! From now on, you’re staying in the ship with Rynk!”

A loud crash was heard, and the ship shook violently under the seats. She turned to see Rynk's knuckles go white as he gripped the controls, trying to keep steady.

“Cant this d*mned thing go any faster?!” She blurted out, angry that they still hadn’t left the atmosphere.

He rolled his eyes and shook his head. “No, because someone didn’t allow me to buy the part to fix the rudder!”

“That part was overpriced and you know it! We can get a cheaper one!”

“Not before we break down and end up drifting aimlessly into space, or get caught up in another gig like this and die by surprise ambush!!”

Thank you for your suggestions! XD not, it's not the very beginning of the story, but it is in the first chapter. You're right that it would be way strong. eek