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 Posted: Tue Sep 25, 2007 6:57 pm
Okay, so I decided to try descriptive poem... tell me if it's any good, please?
It's color is so vivid,
And it's fall is quite expected.
It's time is over,
But no one ever cares.
It's resting place is never final.
It will soon be moved by the wind,
And not long after that,
it will be gone.
So, if you hadn't looked at the title, do you think you would know the object in this poem? Also, What can I do to make my descriptive writing better?
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Posted: Wed Oct 03, 2007 6:11 pm
I think its a very good poem, and maybe only people who dont care about fall will not know what the poem is about.
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Posted: Sun Nov 18, 2007 10:53 pm
I quite liked this poem. I really liked the first stanza in particular. I don't think I would have known exactly what the poem was about without reading the title, though. But I suppose as long as the title is there, everyone will know what it's about, anyway.
Your descriptions are good, but I think they can be improved slightly. You say "It's color is so vivid," which works, but how about describing the colours? Descriptions work best when they give the reader a mental image of the thing you're describing. I find that similes and metaphors are useful in descriptive writing.
The last couple of lines don't really seem to fit to me... The last line in particular sounds a bit weak in my opinion. Maybe add another line to the end, using a simile or something to compare to leaf being swept away by the wind to something else?
Also, should it be it's or its? I thought it should be its, but I'm not completely sure... It might be best to ask someone else about it...
Once again, I like this poem, and hope I've been able to help you =)
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Posted: Tue Nov 20, 2007 3:11 pm
Thanks for the critique. ^.^
And, yeah, you're right, it should be its, not it's. Oops. lol.
Yeah, I'm going to change the first line to 'Its color is fiery vivid,' also, I too think the last line needs work, if you have any suggestions, I'd be happy to hear them. ^.^
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Posted: Thu Jan 17, 2008 7:04 pm
In_My_Broken_Heart Okay, so I decided to try descriptive poem... tell me if it's any good, please?
It's color is so vivid,
And it's fall is quite expected.
It's time is over,
But no one ever cares.
It's resting place is never final.
It will soon be moved by the wind,
And not long after that,
it will be gone.
So, if you hadn't looked at the title, do you think you would know the object in this poem? Also, What can I do to make my descriptive writing better? Perhaps with hints. Like this. Its color is quite vivid But does anyone notice The green, the yellow, and the brown all three point to the same thing its time is short, and now its blowing away I think that would be a little more discriptive, yet I am no good at making poems like this sound kule. Overall flawless. Its supposed to make the reader wonder.
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