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Southern_Belle_Onyaka Captain
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 Posted: Thu Sep 27, 2007 12:21 am
This thread is for Critiquing my story, so far I only have the prologue done, but if you want to comment do it here please... I't's much appreiciated... 3nodding
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Posted: Fri Sep 28, 2007 3:48 pm
I look forward to reading more of Ash's little story.... 3nodding
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Southern_Belle_Onyaka Captain
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Posted: Sat Sep 29, 2007 7:39 pm
Well it may take longer than I had originally intended but I'm getting there, the next chapter is about Sarah Good, obviously, mostly a biograpy, and like a life history leading up to the events to come... (Anyone who's a history buff will understand what's going on, but for the historically challenged this is an original story written by me about, The Salem Witch Trials...)
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Posted: Tue Oct 02, 2007 1:10 pm
The story is well formed, and hopefully the rest will be just as good. The only thing I can say for it is that in my opinion if you aren't careful it could turn ludicrous and wouldn't have the depth and emotional appeal it starts out with. ^_^ Good Job Belle.
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Southern_Belle_Onyaka Captain
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Posted: Tue Oct 02, 2007 5:21 pm
Thank you for the feedback! I'm glad you guys like it so far, and believe me, I'll do my best to keep the emotional appeal, Infact I recently decided I had to rewrite what I have of the first chapter already, because I saw some historical incorrections, and also to keep the story flowing right...
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Posted: Tue Oct 02, 2007 7:11 pm
Yeah, I like the emotional tug it has so far, but with something like that you do have to be careful not to over-do it, and make it to the point of emotional boredom. razz Also, another point, You might take the time to replace some of the times you use the name of the character. Like there's a lot of times where it's like Ash... something... Ash... You could use a few he or other words, after a while readers get tired of the character if the name is over-used. Some people like to use their imaginations to enhance the story for themselves, and can't really put themselves in the story if they're being reminded that it's not them all the time.
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Southern_Belle_Onyaka Captain
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Posted: Tue Oct 09, 2007 6:30 pm
okay I edited the prologue, and excluded a bunch of the repetion of Ash's name... but now I feel like the word he is repeated too much. sweatdrop Eh, oh well... whee
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Posted: Sat Oct 13, 2007 1:35 pm
Actually, I feel like it flows better now. heart
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