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Posted: Mon Oct 01, 2007 3:33 pm
About a year ago I started a novel based on Norse Mythology. I haven't worked on it for a while (mostly because my laptop died), but I thought I'd tell you about it anyway.
Story Vee finds a blue book with the symbol of an eagle with a circle around it on the cover, but nothing written inside. After a showdown with Violet, she discovers that the book can talk to her. Then Loki, comes and tells her that she is the last descendant of Esor, the last great Norse hero, and she's the only one who can save the world from Ragnarok.
Vee agrees and goes to visit the Norns, who tell her that to overcome Ragnarok she has to do three things, befriend a giant, kill the world snake, and prove the Norns wrong on something. They say she will succeed on the first two, but not the third, since they are always right.
So Vee sets off with Loki, the book, and her dad in order to save the world. I know the beginning seems kind of lame, but it gets a lot cooler after that. I don't really feel like giving it all away right now, though I might some time.
Characters Vee-Main character. Twelve year-old girl with a unique fashion sense. Highly opinionated.
Violet-Vee's main enemy at the beginning, who happens to have the same name as her. (Vee is a nickname). Violet is popular, pretty, and uses enough hairspray to put a small whole in the ozone layer.
Vee's Dad-Jokes around a lot and very good with electronics. Always told Vee that if she discovered a door to another world to tell him about it right away, so Vee showed him the book she found and he came with her on her journey to save the world.
Loki-Norse God of Mischief. Loves playing practical jokes and insulting people, acts very brave but is actually careful and calculating when it comes to danger.
Esor-The last of the great Norse Heroes. Very Brave, but doesn't think much before jumping into things. Convinced everything can be solved by violence.
Book-Very cynical and sarcastic, knows everything anyone who's ever held it knows.
Norns-Basically the Norse version of the Fates. All of the Norse Gods believe they know everything and are never wrong, so when they say the world will be destroyed on the day of Ragnarok, they all believe them and decide it's not even worth fighting.
Esor and Loki are two of my favorite characters that I've ever created, and I like their story a lot better than Vee's, but it works better to tell their story through Vee's since their story doesn't really have a satisfactory convlusion until Vee comes along. They were once engaged, and worked together to defy the Norns. Unfortunately,they had a showdown and lost. If you guess what happened to them you'll get... something special. I don't know. If anyone does guess I'll decide then.
Here's a short story I wrote about Esor and Loki:
“A...are you sure about this?” asked Loki, running a hand through his mess of strawberry-blonde hair. “Of course I am, you’re just a god, I’m a warrior hero--who would know better about these things?” Esor’s rope stretched up into the middle branches of a tree. Taking off her broadsword and short sword, she attempted to jump into the tree to reach it and tie it to the branch, a difficult feat in a chain-mail shirt. “Here, let me help,” Loki said. He reached straight up into the tree and secured the rope. He was about a head taller then Esor. “No thanks.” Esor climbed into the tree, untied the rope, then retied it. Her dark-green tunic and leggings blended perfectly into the leaves. Loki, on the other hand, stuck out like a sore thumb in his flame-red clothing. When she was done, Esor jumped down, readjusted her horned helmet and strapped her weapons back on. “Besides, you should enjoy it. You love doing crazy things.” As she put on her belt, her buckle gleamed in the bright sunlight. It was made of silver and depicted a crude eagle in the middle of a perfect circle. “Oh, no,” replied Loki, looking over the edge of the cliff beside them. The rope stretched taut over it and disappeared into the trees of the dense forest. “I like making crazy things happen to other people.” “Don’t be a wimp.” Esor searched the underbrush until she found a suitably thick stick and sat down to whittle a notch out of its middle. “You do want to get to the oracle, don’t you?” Loki shrugged. “I guess. But isn’t there some other way?” he asked, a pleading look in his eye. “You know there isn’t,” Esor said, gesturing towards the drop-off. “The oracle is in the very middle of this forest, which just happens to be completely surrounded by cliffs. This is the safest and fastest way to get down there.” Loki sighed, “I know.” He once again eyed the rope. “How did you get that down there, anyway?” “What?” Esor said, looking up. “Oh, the rope. Well, I had some woodland creatures help me out. They took it down there and tied it up.” Loki eyed her questioningly. “You mean every time you stand still a bunch of tweeting little birdies come and land on your shoulders as the cute little deer eat out of your outstretched hand?” “No, nothing like that!” Esor waved him off. “I just had to inform them of the... benefits of working with a renowned hero.” Loki eyed the short sword at her side. Now that sounded more like the Esor he knew, fearless, blunt, and occasionally completely blind to the feelings of others. The stick was finished. Esor stood up and placed the notch on the rope.She grabbed either side of the stick and pulled down to make sure it was secure. “Try not to get in my way when you catch up,” Esor joked. She pushed herself off the cliff. Flashes of green and brown came rushing past Esor as she zipped along the rope. Birds erupted from the trees at her passage. She started to laugh. She hadn’t had this much fun since she battled a huge ogre with one hand tied behind her back. Suddenly a huge tree branch distinguished itself from the blurs, and it was heading straight toward her. Pain shot through her stomach and her breath left her. As she began to recover from the shock and was about to climb over the branch and get back on her way she heard a shout coming form behind her. A huge weight rammed into her back. “Ow,” said Loki. His hands loosened their grip on his stick, and he fell down into the trees. Esor groaned and mumbled, “I second that statement,” before she too lost her grip and tumbled downwards.
At age 16, Esor had gotten bored of farm life. So she set off to become a hero. Everyone knew to do so you had to have the help of the Norns, a group of three women who knew everything past, present, and future. In her search for them, Esor slew dragons, defeated ogres, and saved countless villages, making a huge name for herself, until she finally came upon the Norn’s hiding place and received her quest. One night, after many months of following his trail, she had finally caught up to her target. She was creeping through the woods when she spotted him and crept behind a tree outside his camp, broadsword at ready. Then, she had pounced, bringing down her sword with all her strength. However, the hunched, robed figure hadn’t been who she thought it was. A net fell from a tree above. She had been caught, and all she had managed to do was break open a few flour sacks. A dark figure had jumped down from the tree above. Moving into the light, it had laughed aloud and exclaimed, “Got you good that time.” The man was tall, skinny had messy, strawberry blonde hair. Loki.
Esor pulled herself up into a sitting position and clutched her throbbing stomach. She hadn’t been in this much pain since that same ogre had whacked her with his club for making fun of him. “Can you please get off me?” came the muffled voice of Loki from the direction of the ground. “Oh, sorry.” Esor climbed to her feet. “Thanks for breaking my fall.” She grabbed his hand and pulled him up. “Safest way, huh?” Loki rubbed his head. “What are we going to do now?” Loki took in their surroundings. There were trees everywhere, and they all looked the same. He took a step forward, his foot crunching on dead leaves. “I don’t know,” replied Esor, “but we have to find some way to get to the center of the forest.” Esor turned around and saw nothing to distinguish the way to go. She glanced up, and there it was-the rope, apparently undamaged by their fall. Esor determined the way they had come from and set off in the opposite direction. Loki followed. “So, what’s this oracle like?” he asked after a few minutes of walking in silence. “Nobody really knows,” replied Esor, glancing up to make sure they were on the right path. Loki stopped. “Wait a second. I just slid down a death-trap, which I fell off, by the way, and am now wandering randomly through a probably-deadly forest, just to see someone no one knows anything about?” “Stop being such a whiner!” “Well excuse me, but I don’t particularly want to die!” “You won’t!” Esor paused, “Probably. Besides, we do know something about the oracle.” “And what’s that?” asked Loki, pre-occupied by the probably. “She knows everything.” That got Loki’s attention. “Like the Norns?” he asked, raising an accusatory eyebrow. “No, not like the Norns!” yelled Esor, exasperated. “They don’t actually know anything. The oracle can probably tell us how to defeat the Norns, that’s why we’re here!” Loki shrugged. He had the perfect shoulders for shrugging. They went up and down at a perfect ninety degree angle. Sometimes Esor wondered if they were actually connected to his torso. “We slay you in the name of the Norns, that our quests may be complete!” A group of burly men, their bare muscles gleaming in the weak light, came bursting out of the shrubs. They all wore similar green tunics and swung large broadswords, standard issue for any wanna-be hero. In an instant Esor’s own broadsword was out of its sheath, blocking a blow from the one who must have been the leader of the group of about nine men. He had long blonde hair and a strong face. “Nothing personal,” he said as their swords locked. “But it’s my destiny, you know?”
“Yeah, and I bet I know who told you that!” Esor pushed him away, bringing her own sword around, but when she had been busy with the leader, another man had snuck behind her. Esor felt a p***k in her side and managed to jump to one side before she felt the full force of the blow. Esor brought her sword up and around, catching two of the men in one blow. She quickly turned and advanced on the others before she could see how much damage she had inflicted. Four more men quickly came in to take the two’s place, coming at her from all sides. Esor expertly swung her broadsword with one hand in an arc around her, catching three of the heroes. With her other hand she pulled out her short sword, thrusting it behind her to catch the fourth. Taking a moment to catch her breath, Esor leaned against a tree. A large strawberry-blonde tiger stepped out of the woods. “You look like you could use some help.” “No! This is my fight! I accept help from nobody!” she yelled. “They want to kill me too. Besides, all great heroes get help from the gods.” The tiger bared its claws. “I told you no!” she screamed, knocking him in the head with the hilt of her sword. Esor felt a sharp pain in the back of her head. Some of the men had climbed up into the trees. One of them had jumped down, using the force of gravity to deliver Esor a strong blow. She stumbled and almost fell, but caught her footing at the last second, using the force of her stumble to drive her elbow into her attacker’s stomach. As he keeled over, she, too, climbed into the trees. One man she managed to get behind and push off. As she watched him tumble to the ground, she fell for the same trick-as she realized what had happened she swung her sword, managing to do damage to the one who had pushed her before she fell. Esor landed with a thump, the breath knocked out of her. Her vision was blurry. She pulled herself up, lifting her hand to block the sun. Suddenly, something else blocked the bright rays, and she put her hand down. The world came back into focus, and above her stood the leader, his hand raised. Her hand quickly came back up to brace herself, and his hand came down. Esor slowly lowered her hand when there was no impact. The leader’s hand was stretched down in a friendly fashion. She took it, and he helped her to her feet. “I propose a temporary truce,” he said. “As you can see, you’ve injured most of my men.” He gestured around the forest to the various figures, clutching at their wounds and attempting to crawl for cover. “However, you yourself have not gone un-harmed.” Esor looked down and noticed for the first time the blood running down her leg. As she saw the blood, her carefully trained imperviousness fell away, making her wince. She took a deep breath and bit her lip, trying hard not to double up in pain. “I’m not an unfair man. I’ll give you enough time to treat your wound, then I’ll come to fight you by myself, no more helpers.” Esor took up the stance she had learned to use when dealing with fellow heroes. She made herself seem as tall and large as she could. “Why did you bring eight other men in the first place? Scared, were you?” “Never!” proclaimed the man, feeling his pride was injured. He took a similar stance to Esor’s, though his was much more impressive. “I merely did not think you worthy to truly fight me; now I see otherwise.” “Not worthy?! Not worthy?!” Nobody insulted Esor’s fighting ability. “You’re speaking to the legendary Esor the Unyielding!” “I know,” replied the man, “And you’re speaking to the legendary Heimdall the Invincible.” Esor had heard of Heimdall the Invincible. Everyone had heard of Heimdall the Invincible. He had been a Legend before Esor had even taken her first step. Sure, Esor was legendary. But Heimdall was Legendary. Named after the great white-god, he had protected the people from evil for years. Or, so everyone thought. Esor knew the truth. She backed down, and headed off to one side of the clearing. Heimdall went off towards the other. The strawberry-blonde tiger appeared again. “That blow hurt, you know.” “I told you, I don’t want help!” “Esor the Stubborn, eh?” “That’s not what Unyielding means!” Esor ripped off a strip of cloth and used it to bind the wound. The initial pain had gone down, but it was now a steady throbbing. “Then what does it mean?” The tiger stretched, and yawned. “It means that you never give in, no matter what!” exclaimed Esor, tying her make-shift bandage tight. “In other words-stubborn.” Esor said nothing. “Anyway, there’s no need to worry about those guys anymore. I took care of it.” The tiger said, raising his head with pride. “What?” Esor finished with the bandage and looked up. There was a gleam in the tiger’s eye. “Please tell me you didn’t...” A snapping sound came from the opposite side of the clearing, quickly followed by a sloshing sound such as falling tar might make, and a rustling like one that could be caused by, say, feathers. That, and the horrible scream of a bunch of outraged men who would probably kill the next thing they saw. The tiger suddenly transformed into a horse of the same color, scooping Esor onto his back and taking off through the trees. Esor wanted to protest, being perfectly capable of running herself, but the speed was such that it was all she could do to hang on. The horse veered and swerved, dodging trees and doubling back multiple times to throw off their trail. By the time he began to slow down, he had gotten them hopelessly lost. Esor jumped off immediately. “You didn’t need to do that! I could have taken him!” “But you didn’t have to,” the horse said, transforming into Loki. “You’re the one who wanted to get to the oracle as soon as possible.” “I suppose,” Esor conceded. “Come on, there’s no way they’ll catch up any time soon, let’s set up camp.” They slowly went about their duties, each of them lost in their own thoughts. When they finally sat around a blazing fire eating what food they had though to bring along, they had a lot to say. Unfortunately, neither of them knew how to say it. All was silent except for the crackling of the fire. Finally, Esor spoke up. “They’ve found me out.” Loki nodded in understanding. He lifted a necklace from where it was hidden under his tunic and studied it. It was made of silver and depicted a crude eagle in the middle of a perfect circle. After Loki had caught Esor in his net, they had had an extended conversation about things including, who she was, what she was doing, why she was doing it, and why he didn’t particularly want to be slain at the current moment. Esor told him that the Norns had told her it was her destiny to kill him, it was her quest. Loki considered this for a moment. “And do you know why they want me dead?” he eventually asked. Esor shook her head,.“It is not our place to question those things we couldn’t possibly understand.” Loki sighed and shook his head. He showed her his necklace, explaining that he was a member of a small band of misfits which opposed the Norns. None of them were particularly competent. In fact, they were more like a bunch of people who happened to kind of know each other before Loki came along. However, with him on their side they posed a small threat, no matter how small. So they wanted to get rid of him. Without him, their power was unchallenged. Esor was shocked. She couldn’t understand why anyone would oppose the Norns. “Because,” said Loki, “they don’t really know anything besides their own minds; in fact, I’m not even sure they know that. They put on airs of being powerful, all-knowing beings. When people come to them asking their future, they tell it to them. It doesn’t matter if it’s right or not, the person makes it right. If they believe they’re going to do something, they do it. The Norns use this power to bring about their own agenda; what it is I don’t full know.” At first it was still hard for Esor to swallow, but he had caught her interest. She had followed him around for a while, claiming she could kill him at any moment, but she just didn’t feel like right now. Eventually she had joined the group as well, but not telling anyone and continuing with her work as a hero in case her fame could somehow help them. And it had. She had been able to gather countless assets and allies, nearly tripling their current strength. Their forces continued to grow, creating an elaborate information network. That’s how Esor first learned of the oracle.
Sunlight seeped through the tree-tops, casting a soft glow on the remains of last night’s camp fire. Esor sat up and stretched. The pain in her side was greatly dulled, and she thought she would be able to handle that day’s travels. Loki was also stirring, but he was much less willing to wake up and just turned over in his sleeping bag. “Wake up!” Esor yelled, walking over and kicking him in the side. “Ow,” said Loki, sitting up, “Must you do that every morning?” “Yes,” said Esor, moving around and cleaning up as fast as she could without re-opening her wound. “We’re almost there, I can feel it.” “Fine, fine.” Loki stood and rolled up his sleeping bag, slinging it across his back. “Let’s go.” They headed off in a random direction. The morning passed relatively without event, Esor’s side was jarred by the movement at first, but it soon grew used to the traveling pace. “Shouldn’t we be doing something to cover our tracks?” asked Loki. “Look, the faster we go, the better. We just have to get there before they catch up to us and everything will be fine,” Esor said, brushing of his question. Loki shrugged. “But how do we know we’re even going in the right direction?” Esor paused. She looked up. They had left the rope far behind, and even then their attackers had probably broken it. “I don’t know. If we’re going the wrong way we’ll eventually run into one of the cliffs, right? Then all we need to do is move directly away from the cliff and we’ll get to the center.” “But the forest is huge, that could take days!” “Just shut up and walk!” After a few hours they came to a particularly gnarled tree. It looked like it had been dead for ages. Esor could see the remains of a rope somewhere in its upper branches. “Told you we would find it,” said Esor, matter-of-factly. “Is anybody here?!” called Esor. “Are you sure this is the right place?” asked Loki, surveying the entire area and seeing no one. “Of course I am,” replied Esor. “Hello! Oracle!” she yelled at the top of her lungs, shaking the leaves on the trees. “What do you think you’re doing, disturbing an old lady at this horrible hour?” came a voice from the tree which sounded as old as it looked. “It’s almost noon,” pointed out Loki. “What year?” “Um...” Loki thought. “The third year of Thor, I think.” “See? Who wakes up at this time of century, eh? I need sleep too, you know. What do you want?” “We were looking for an oracle,” said Loki. “Ahh, and what exactly would this oracle you’re looking for be?” The voice sounded as if it’s interest had suddenly been peaked. Loki’s eyes brightened-now this was where his expertise lay. “Oh, nothing much. I’m sure she wouldn’t be able to tell us anything anyway. She’s supposed to be able to answer any question, but I bet it’s just a story, no one could do that.” “Now, don’t you say that. I’m sure this oracle person can do a lot of things, but why would she want to help a bunch of rude little buggers interrupting her sleep?” The voice now sounded like she was positively enjoying herself. “I see you’re not just anyone, are you? Many would have fallen for that, jumping to prove their worth. But I see you’re not someone ruled by pride, you have brains.” “You’d better believe I do, sonny! Way more then you have, anyway.” He had her! “Oh, you most certainly do, and you’re such a strong, pretty tree, as well. Weathered many a storm, I bet. Have many years left of life in you.” A screeching laugh filled the forest, causing birds to desert their trees. “What a pity! And you were doing so well, too. Well, it’s to be expected, I suppose. However, I haven’t had that much fun in a while, so I’ll show you where you made your mistake.” Suddenly, an old woman as gnarled as the tree stepped out from behind the trunk. “I’m no tree.” She was skinnier than Loki, and her skin hung on her bones like loose cloth. Here face was covered in splotches. Loki punched his hand. “Dang it! I always jump to conclusions.” “Don’t worry about it, sonny, happens to the best of us,” the old woman consoled. “However, don’t think I’m going to give you anything you want, just like that. Sure, you may have won the right to see me, but you’re going to have to do better than that. Give me a reason I should help you.” “You mean, you’re the oracle?” asked Esor. “What are you, deaf?” asked the woman, turning her attention on Esor. “Of course I’m the oracle! Haven’t you been listening to our conversation?” “Ok,” said Loki, stepping back in. “What would make this worth your while?” The oracle considered this. “Got any first-born children?” “Uh... no. Not at all,” replied Loki. “Wait a second,” said the oracle, looking Loki over. “Aren’t you that god of mischief, the one whose kid is the Midgard serpent?” “That’s not true!” exclaimed Loki. “That’s an evil rumor started by those annoying little dwarves for revenge. I mean, replace all their gold with painted lead, just one time, and...” “Oh, well,” broke in the oracle. “Doesn’t matter. There’s probably something else you can pay me with. Any magical artifacts, or things of great mystical value? I’ve been thinking of redecorating my bathroom, you see, and it’s always nice to have a few extra ornaments around.” “Not really.” Loki scratched his head. “You know, we’ve just got this simple question, maybe you could give this one to us for free, you know, on account of me being a god and all? I mean, we just want to know how to defeat the Norns, and...” “Wait a second!” cut in the oracle, her eyes narrowing. “Did you just say you wanted to defeat the Norns?” “Yeah,” said Loki. “Well why didn’t you just say so!” boomed the oracle, a wide grin spreading across her face. “Can’t stand the old bags myself, think they’re so great. They’re a monopoly, I tell you, taking all my business. You guys are the first adventurers I’ve seen in almost a millennia, can you believe it? I mean, the business has gone to seeds, everyone running around thinking they’ve got a destiny! Hah!” The oracle went back around the tree and came out carrying a pair of beat-up old spectacles. “Why, back in the good old days, you were lucky if you even had a fate, let alone a destiny. And you had to work your back off for it too. Why, my father...” “We’d love to listen to you ramble all day, but can you please get to the point?” Loki broke in. Her eyes narrowed. “You’ve got no respect, you know that?” “And you’ve got no teeth,” replied Loki, it was true. The oracle burst out laughing; she slapped Loki on the back with a surprisingly strong arm for someone so feeble looking. “You may have no respect, but you’ve got guts. I like that! Anyway, on with the divination.” The woman put the spectacles on. Despite the fact that the lenses were made of clear glass, no matter how scratched up, they couldn’t see her eyes through it. “I see a book, a girl, a father, and a god. Oh, and there appears to be some snakes involved as well, possibly a Valkyrie or two.” “And the Norns?” Esor’s hopes grew. “Oh, they’re definitely there somewhere.” “And?” “And what?” “How do we beat them?” pressed Esor. The oracle took off the spectacles. “How should I know? I tell you the visions, I don’t interpret them. You’re going to have to figure it out.” “Figure it out? Figure what out? The ramblings of a senile old woman?” Esor lost her temper. “Hey, now! Rambling I can deal with, but senile?” The oracle suddenly disappeared. “I might have helped you out, seeing as getting rid of the Norns is in my best interest, but not after that crack, missy!” Esor fell on her knees. “What’s the matter?” asked Loki, kneeling next to her. “We travel all this way, and all we get out of her is random babble?” Esor asked, staring ahead in disbelief. “It’s ok, we’ll beat them, don’t worry,” Loki replied. “Let’s get back to headquarters, we can decipher it there.” They walked together out of the forest. They reached the cliff where they had started just as the sun was starting to go down, casting a golden glow on the red rocks. Esor pulled a rope out of her pack and threw it upwards, threatening another couple of woodland creatures to get them to tie it tight. Loki transformed into a bird and flapped up to the top. “You going to make it ok?” he called down when he had taken his normal form. “Yeah, I’ll be fine!” She called back up, taking a final tug on the rope to make sure it was secure. Finding it was, she started up. Esor was almost to the top when an arrow came whistling past her head, severing the rope. She began to fall. Desperately flailing, she managed to get hold of a root sticking out of the cliff face. She looked down. There, at the bottom of the cliff, was Heimdall the Invincible, his golden hair blazing in the twilight. He held a bow in his hand. “My final quest was to slay you!” he called, with an air of dignity. “I was going to go out with a bang, ridding the world of those who oppose the great Norns! I am Invincible, no wanna-be hero can defeat me! Get down here and fight me like a warrior, that you may die like one, bringing a little honor back to your honor-less life. Come down and fight!” Above her head, Loki was reaching his hand down to her. “Grab on! I’ll pull you up!” “No!” called Esor, “I can do it!” She swung herself, trying to catch hold of a rock with her free hand, but it slipped and she fell back. She felt a terrible pain in her side, and reached down with her free hand. When she brought it back up it was covered in blood.The bandages had fallen off and were tumbling toward the ground. A second arrow came zooming past her head and imbedded itself into a rock. “Coward! Traitor!” came a shout from below. “Please, there’s no shame in getting help from your friends!” Loki had a pleading look in his eye. He stretched his arm down as far as it could go, but it still came up slightly short of Esor. “I said, no!” she called, once again trying to swing herself up. Her hand was wet with blood and slipped even quicker then before. When she fell back down, the force jarred her arm and she lost grip of the branch. She was going to fall. Esor was going to fall who-knows-how-many feet to a solid rock ground, and if that didn’t kill her it would leave her sufficiently injured for Heimdall to finish her off. She was going to die. A strong weight suddenly pulled on her outstretched arm. Looking up, she saw a strawberry-blonde ape, reaching down its long arm to grab her wrist. Loki pulled her up, and transformed back into his normal form. For a moment, they sat at the top of the cliff in relative silence, apart from the accusatory calls of Heimdall, trying to catch their breaths. “See... I told you,” panted Loki. “We’ll beat them, not you, not me. We.” “Yeah,” agreed Esor, a smile crossing her lips. They pulled each other up and walked away into the forest where they had come from, planning to head straight back and report their findings to the others. Who knew, maybe something that old hag had said could be of use to them. “You didn’t really help me, though.” said Esor as they went. “You just gave me a slight nudge, the rest was all me.” “Of course it was,” said Loki, rolling his eyes, patting his friend on the back. She didn’t notice the large, “Kick me!” sign he had left there until they got back and she couldn’t figure out why everyone kept hitting her.
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Posted: Mon Oct 01, 2007 6:19 pm
Sounds pretty good from what you've got there. (And what I know of your writing style). smile
Make sure you explain why Loki would want to stop Ragnarok, given that according to myth he's currenlty chained up in a cave with an agony-inducing poison dripping into his mouth. If that's accurate, there'd better be a reason why ending that isn't a good deal for him.
I do like the idea of proving the Norns wrong about something.
Oh - and is what happened to Esor and Loki in myth, or is it something out of the depths of your own wondrous mind?
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Posted: Mon Oct 01, 2007 7:31 pm
The Gods already released him, since they figured since he was going to escape at Ragnarok anyway, they might as well let him go a few weeks before. The other Gods don't know he's trying to stop Ragnarok, and he wants to stop Ragnarok because he wants to stop the Norns. Esor isn't actually from the mythology, I made her up myself. For her name, I just wrote my sisters name backwards and it happened to sound Norse. ^_^ What happens to her is from the depths of my own mind.
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Posted: Tue Oct 02, 2007 3:06 pm
It sounds good so far! The "complete the tasks" plot is always a good one, especially for a mythology-based book. The characters sound interesting and believable. I like the fact that you're taking some stuff straight from mythology, and some stuff from your own imagination.
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Posted: Tue Oct 02, 2007 4:11 pm
Thank you! I'm thinking of posting a short story I wrote about Esor and Loki back in the day. I entered it into the Writer's of the Future contest, but I lost. Would you guys be interested in seeing it?
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Posted: Thu Oct 04, 2007 1:32 pm
That'd be great!
Too bad you didn't win, though. That would've been cool.
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Posted: Thu Oct 04, 2007 2:10 pm
Yeah. My dad won the contest a while ago, so it would be cool if we both won it. But I don't really care, I can always enter again, as it happens 4 times a year and then there's a winner overall for the year. Besides, I collect rejection slips. So far I have two. Not a very big collection, I know, but it will get bigger.
Edit: I added the story to the first post.
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Posted: Fri Oct 05, 2007 7:03 pm
It will get bigger. But there will be acceptance slips in there, too.
Ooo! Story. Oooh. Bedtime. Solution: Tomorrow. (And if that's not pushing the definition of literacy, I don't know what is.)
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Posted: Fri Oct 05, 2007 7:37 pm
True, there will probably be acceptance slips, but I find it's much more fun to hope for rejection. That way, if you get a rejection you'll be happy, and if you get an acceptance you can be pleasantly surprised.
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Posted: Fri Oct 05, 2007 7:48 pm
I'm jealous of Brrna's rejection slips. They're SOOO COOOOL...
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Posted: Sun Oct 07, 2007 8:12 am
Well, I can't argue with your expect-rejection philosophy. Have you heard of that literary magazine that only publishes stories that have been rejected at least five times? Now on to the story... Mcfeegle “Of course I am, you’re just a god, I’m a warrior hero--who would know better about these things?” Well, that's an interesting perspective. Mcfeegle “Oh, no,” replied Loki, looking over the edge of the cliff beside them. The rope stretched taut over it and disappeared into the trees of the dense forest. “I like making crazy things happen to other people.” Excellent response. Mcfeegle Loki shrugged. “I guess. But isn’t there some other way?” he asked, a pleading look in his eye. I can't see Loki sounding quite this wimpy. Mcfeegle “No, nothing like that!” Esor waved him off. “I just had to inform them of the... benefits of working with a renowned hero.” Like not getting clobbered? Mcfeegle Loki eyed the short sword at her side. Now that sounded more like the Esor he knew, fearless, blunt, and occasionally completely blind to the feelings of others. Nice characterization. Mcfeegle Pain shot through her stomach and her breath left her. As she began to recover from the shock and was about to climb over the branch and get back on her way she heard a shout coming form behind her. A huge weight rammed into her back. Clunky sentence. You could rephrase it to, say, "She had almost recovered from the shock and was about to climb over the branch and get back on her way when she heard..." Using "as" stretches the sentence n a way that makes it hard to follow. "When" is usually better in complex sentences. Mcfeegle Esor groaned and mumbled, “I second that statement,” before she too lost her grip and tumbled downwards. What sort of a Viking talks like this? (Yes, I get the comedic effect. But it is strange. As expected.) Mcfeegle At age 16, Esor had gotten bored of farm life. So she set off to become a hero. Everyone knew to do so you had to have the help of the Norns, a group of three women who knew everything past, present, and future. In her search for them, Esor slew dragons, defeated ogres, and saved countless villages, making a huge name for herself, until she finally came upon the Norn’s hiding place and received her quest. You'd think that slaying dragons and defeating ogres wouldn've made her a hero with or without the Norns' blessing. Mcfeegle One night, after many months of following his trail, she had finally caught up to her target. His? I thought we were looking for the Norns. Even if it's Loki's trail she's following, she should use "her trail" to express who she meant to be following. Mcfeegle Esor pulled herself up into a sitting position and clutched her throbbing stomach. She hadn’t been in this much pain since that same ogre had whacked her with his club for making fun of him. Love the continuity. Mcfeegle "Oh, sorry.” Esor climbed to her feet. “Thanks for breaking my fall.” She grabbed his hand and pulled him up. This doesn't sound right. It's a little too expected. From what you've told us about Esor, I'd expect her to yell at him for landing on her and knocking her off the branch in the first place. Mcfeegle Loki followed. “So, what’s this oracle like?” he asked after a few minutes of walking in silence. Wouldn't Loki know? Mcfeegle “Well excuse me, but I don’t particularly want to die!” Now, I know that Balder had a date with the underworld, but it sounds really jarring to think about a god dying. Mcfeegle “You won’t!” Esor paused, “Probably. Funny. Mcfeegle That got Loki’s attention. “Like the Norns?” he asked, raising an accusatory eyebrow. I take it this is related to what happened when they tried to challenge the Norns? Mcfeegle “No, not like the Norns!” yelled Esor, exasperated. “They don’t actually know anything. I thought the Norn knew everything Past, Present, and Future. Mcfeegle Loki shrugged. He had the perfect shoulders for shrugging. They went up and down at a perfect ninety degree angle. Sometimes Esor wondered if they were actually connected to his torso. Nice image.
Mcfeegle “Yeah, and I bet I know who told you that!” Esor pushed him away, bringing her own sword around, but when she had been busy with the leader, another man had snuck behind her. In this case, the "when" is not ideal. "While" would be better. Mcfeegle Taking a moment to catch her breath, Esor leaned against a tree. I like the contrast between this and the last few paragraphs. Mcfeegle A large strawberry-blonde tiger stepped out of the woods. “You look like you could use some help.” Loki? Mcfeegle “I told you no!” she screamed, knocking him in the head with the hilt of her sword. Ouch. Mcfeegle As he keeled over, she, too, climbed into the trees. One man she managed to get behind and push off. As she watched him tumble to the ground, she fell for the same trick-as she realized what had happened she swung her sword, managing to do damage to the one who had pushed her before she fell. Awkward and hard to visualize - rephrase. Mcfeegle The world came back into focus, and above her stood the leader, his hand raised. Her hand quickly came back up to brace herself, and his hand came down. Also hard to visualize. Rephrase if possible. Mcfeegle “I’m not an unfair man. I’ll give you enough time to treat your wound, then I’ll come to fight you by myself, no more helpers.” How could this possibly be in his best interests? Even if he has a reason, Esor should wonder what's afoot. Mcfeegle “Never!” proclaimed the man, feeling his pride was injured. You've broken viewpoint here. Esor can guess that his pride has been injured, but you can't say it directly Mcfeegle “I know,” replied the man, “And you’re speaking to the legendary Heimdall the Invincible.” Oooh. Burn. Mcfeegle Esor had heard of Heimdall the Invincible. Everyone had heard of Heimdall the Invincible. He had been a Legend before Esor had even taken her first step. Sure, Esor was legendary. But Heimdall was Legendary. Named after the great white-god, he had protected the people from evil for years. Or, so everyone thought. Esor knew the truth. Oooh, foreshadowing. I know that god. Did vikings ever name people after gods? I thought it would've been seen as disrespectful. Quote: “Esor the Stubborn, eh?” “That’s not what Unyielding means!” Yes it is. Mcfeegle A snapping sound came from the opposite side of the clearing, quickly followed by a sloshing sound such as falling tar might make, and a rustling like one that could be caused by, say, feathers. That, and the horrible scream of a bunch of outraged men who would probably kill the next thing they saw. Ah... tar and feathers? How does that work, exactly? Mcfeegle When they finally sat around a blazing fire eating what food they had though to bring along, they had a lot to say. Unfortunately, neither of them knew how to say it. Nice reversal of expectations. Mcfeegle Loki nodded in understanding. He lifted a necklace from where it was hidden under his tunic and studied it. It was made of silver and depicted a crude eagle in the middle of a perfect circle. I'm assuming that we're going to find out what that means, exactly. I believe I must leave the rest of the story for another day. EDIT: Read "Friday, when Aldy will be mentally aware enough to take in what she is reading."
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Posted: Mon Oct 08, 2007 7:34 pm
Thanks for the feedback Aldorel! I'll reply to your comments tomorrow when it's not almost time for bed. ^_^
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Posted: Sat Oct 13, 2007 8:26 am
Mcfeegle After Loki had caught Esor in his net, they had had an extended conversation about things including, who she was, what she was doing, why she was doing it, and why he didn’t particularly want to be slain at the current moment. I can see why he wouldn't particularly want to be slain at that particular moment. Mcfeegle Esor told him that the Norns had told her it was her destiny to kill him, it was her quest. So she was intentionally tracking him. You might want to make that clear. Mcfeegle Esor shook her head ,.“It is not our place to question those things we couldn’t possibly understand.” Typo - double punctuation. I like the line, though. rolleyes Mcfeegle In fact, they were more like a bunch of people who happened to kind of know each other before Loki came along. Nice line, glad to know what's with the necklace. Mcfeegle It doesn’t matter if it’s right or not, the person makes it right. If they believe they’re going to do something, they do it. Ah, the self-fulfilling prophecy. Mcfeegle She had followed him around for a while, claiming she could kill him at any moment, but she just didn’t feel like right now. Nice. This segment is very info-dumpy. It's probably necessary, but you might be able to smooth it out a little. Not sure I can help you there - infodumps are one of my weak spots, and any tweaks would be highly dependent on your own writing style. Right... Mcfeegle “Yes,” said Esor, moving around and cleaning up as fast as she could without re-opening her wound. “We’re almost there, I can feel it.” I like how you're taking into account how the wound is affecting her movement, but the sentence is a little clunkly - it's not immediately clear that it's the wound that's limiting her progress rather than just a side note that she hasn't re-opened it. Maybe "without risking her wound reopening"? Mcfeegle “Look, the faster we go, the better. We just have to get there before they catch up to us and everything will be fine,” Esor said, brushing of his question. "Brushing off his question" is communicated by the content of the dialogue and is therefore unnecessary. Sort of like ""That hurt!" he screamed in pain." xd Mcfeegle “Are you sure this is the right place?” asked Loki, surveying the entire area and seeing no one. Sounds like a viewpoint break to me. We're in Esor's head, so we shouldn't know that Loki isn't seeing anyone except by what we/Esor can guess from his actions and attitudes. Then again, there was plenty of that sort of thing in our summer reading, so editors don't seem to care. stare Mcfeegle “What do you think you’re doing, disturbing an old lady at this horrible hour?” came a voice from the tree which sounded as old as it looked. The voice or the tree? Be clear about your modifiers. Quote: “Um...” Loki thought. “The third year of Thor, I think.” “See? Who wakes up at this time of century, eh? I need sleep too, you know. What do you want?” Excellent. Generally amused by the honey-tongue exchange between Loki and the Oracle. Mcfeegle He had her! “Oh, you most certainly do, and you’re such a strong, pretty tree, as well. Weathered many a storm, I bet. Have many years left of life in you.” She's a tree? (Oh, and "He had her" seems too blunt. Try turning this into Esor's reaction to the conversation or a facial expression of Loki's, or both.) Mcfeegle “I’m no tree.” She was skinnier than Loki, and her skin hung on her bones like loose cloth. Here face was covered in splotches. Oh, good. Mcfeegle Loki punched his hand. “Dang it! I always jump to conclusions.” Nice. Mcfeegle “Don’t worry about it, sonny, happens to the best of us,” the old woman consoled. “However, don’t think I’m going to give you anything you want, just like that. Sure, you may have won the right to see me, but you’re going to have to do better than that. Give me a reason I should help you.” "Consoled"? confused And "However" sounds waaay too formal for this Oracle. "But" will do just fine. Mcfeegle The oracle considered this. “Got any first-born children?” “Uh... no. Not at all,” replied Loki. Love the general mythology-fairy tale continuity. Mcfeegle “That’s not true!” exclaimed Loki. “That’s an evil rumor started by those annoying little dwarves for revenge. I mean, replace all their gold with painted lead, just one time, and...” This is utterly amusing. Mcfeegle “Oh, well,” broke in the oracle. “Doesn’t matter. There’s probably something else you can pay me with. Any magical artifacts, or things of great mystical value? I’ve been thinking of redecorating my bathroom, you see, and it’s always nice to have a few extra ornaments around.” Redecorating your bathroom with artifacts of great mystical value? I loves it. Mcfeegle “Well why didn’t you just say so!” boomed the oracle, a wide grin spreading across her face. “Can’t stand the old bags myself, think they’re so great. They’re a monopoly, I tell you, taking all my business. You guys are the first adventurers I’ve seen in almost a millennia, can you believe it? I mean, the business has gone to seeds, everyone running around thinking they’ve got a destiny! Hah!” The oracle went back around the tree and came out carrying a pair of beat-up old spectacles. “Why, back in the good old days, you were lucky if you even had a fate, let alone a destiny. And you had to work your back off for it too. Why, my father...” Oh. My. Gods. rofl Mcfeegle “We’d love to listen to you ramble all day, but can you please get to the point?” Loki broke in. Her eyes narrowed. “You’ve got no respect, you know that?” “And you’ve got no teeth,” replied Loki, it was true. This is just getting better and better. But turn the comma between "Loki" and "it" into a period. Mcfeegle The oracle took off the spectacles. “How should I know? I tell you the visions, I don’t interpret them. You’re going to have to figure it out.” Yup, that's how it works. Although usually there's a little more to go on than that... Mcfeegle “Figure it out? Figure what out? The ramblings of a senile old woman?” Esor lost her temper. Show. Show us her losing her temper, don't just say that she does. Mcfeegle Loki transformed into a bird and flapped up to the top. “You going to make it ok?” he called down when he had taken his normal form. Why didn't he just do that the first time they used the rope? The time there was "no better way"? Mcfeegle Esor was almost to the top when an arrow came whistling past her head, severing the rope. Do you have any idea how unlikely that is? At least try a throwing axe. Mcfeegle There, at the bottom of the cliff, was Heimdall the Invincible, his golden hair blazing in the twilight. He held a bow in his hand. “My final quest was to slay you!” he called, with an air of dignity. “I was going to go out with a bang, ridding the world of those who oppose the great Norns! I am Invincible, no wanna-be hero can defeat me! Get down here and fight me like a warrior, that you may die like one, bringing a little honor back to your honor-less life. Come down and fight!” This sounds really awkward. If you were going for amusingly melodramatic, you missed. For starters (and don't hate be for this) "honor-less" reminds me of Meyer's "un-annoying." "Dishonored" works. As does "despised." Mcfeegle Loki pulled her up, and transformed back into his normal form. The repetition of "form" in this sentence should be avoided. It hurts. Mcfeegle For a moment, they sat at the top of the cliff in relative silence, apart from the accusatory calls of Heimdall, trying to catch their breaths. “See... I told you,” panted Loki. “We’ll beat them, not you, not me. We.” “Yeah,” agreed Esor, a smile crossing her lips. Awww.... Bonding by near-death experience. Mcfeegle “You didn’t really help me, though.” said Esor as they went. “You just gave me a slight nudge, the rest was all me.” I was wondering if she had actually changed. Good work. Mcfeegle “Of course it was,” said Loki, rolling his eyes, patting his friend on the back. She didn’t notice the large, “Kick me!” sign he had left there until they got back and she couldn’t figure out why everyone kept hitting her. Love the idea, execution not too effective. "Couldn't figure out" implies that she doesn't ever figure ot why people are hitting her, which contradicts the fact that she eventually noticed the sign. Try replacing with something like "until they got back and she'd been hit a few times" or reversing the order of the sentence: "When they'd gotten back and everyone had hit her a few times, she noticed the "Kick me" sign he'd stuck there." It's more surprising, therefore more funny. Very nice short story. Fun characters, and funny dialogue. I'd be interested to see what goes down in the main novel. (So if it gets publlished, give me a shout and I'll pick up a copy. 3nodding )
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Posted: Sat Oct 13, 2007 9:04 am
Thanks. I'm considering actually including this story in the main novel. Like swiching off between Esor and Vee's stories every chapter or so. In that case I wouldn't need all the info-dump because I could just include it as an earlier part of the novel. I really appreciate your critique, it's really helpful.
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Posted: Wed Oct 17, 2007 3:22 pm
Yeah, that would work. It's always better to spread your exposition out. And I like the idea of switching between viewpoints - it seems particularly fitting since Vee's going to be finishing something that Esor started.
Glad my comments are helpful. I'm enjoying the chance to read your work.
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