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 Posted: Sun Oct 07, 2007 4:59 am
KK, this stuff is copyrighted, even though it's not publisghes. Don;t steal my stuff please, because I alreayd have a few publishers looking at my entire 370 page book, and if you try to sell my idea as yours, I have prooof agiasnt you. Well anywho, this is the prologue of my book. I hope you'll read and comment on it, even if you can't read the whole thing, please comment on the bit you read, even if you only start then stop xD I am showing this as a preveiw! Hope you like it. ^.^ Prologue
Ordinarily, everything remained quiet among the leaves and the trees stayed still, their branches rarely swaying. The moon hung in the sky, blessed by the darkness and silence. A boy sat among the night, his orange hair flared by the darkness, his azure eyes glistening like pools amid the night. A yard away, the light scattered, an ebony stone among the soft ground. Next to the boy, a man stood, cloaked in black, his eyes hidden in the dark. Like the boy, his eyes shone brightly under his hood; unlike the boy, they were emerald green, cool malice reflecting off them. The ebony stone sat among bent grass, its lustrous surface gleaming in the scattered light that the waning moon gave off. Slowy, The man walked near the gem, murky miasma radiating off of it and killing the trees near it. Blades of grass shriveled up, curling into black crust and then shattering in the wind. Not intending to get closer, The young boy stepped away, his crimson cape flaring in the night breeze, revealing steel armor and the hilt of a fine sword that was more than just for show. The older man reached down, his hand inches from the gem that spewed darkness everywhere. The dim swirls twirled around his fingers, squeezing between gaps and into the man’s face. The man grinned; his eyes alight with want for power and bloodlust. The young boy thought nothing of the look, for though he was merely a boy, he knew much more than the cloaked man in front of him.
“We’ve finally found it...” the man laughed, his voice dark and foreboding. The boy glared at the man, foolish. He knew what was to come, and this man wouldn’t be around when the time came. Antagonism quelled inside him as he thought of how his master had rubbed fresh salt in his old wounds by picking this man to hear the voice, instead of him. His master always did that to him; rubbed salt into every wound he could, picking away scabs and cutting scars again, making blood pour anew. Regardless, the boy thought nothing of it; he was hardly a stranger to the pernicious ways of his old master; no, his current master. His master was never dead, though the thought of it had made him joyous...and slightly disappointed, too.
“Boy, come here.” the man demanded acerbically. The boy was reluctant, but if his master was making this man a vessel of his words, then he had to trust him. Once the boy was near the cloaked man, he stopped. The powerful feeling of darkness was closing in on him, tainting the air around him. He choked on the foul air, but advanced again, knowing what he had to do. Gingerly, he reached out to the stone, bracing for pain. His hand made contact with the icy stone. Immediately, the boy tried to pull his hand away, but the stone refused to let him pull away. His hand froze, but not with coldness, with inability and foreign pain of pure darkness. The boy cried out, his fear and pain leaving him crippled, yet obsessed with power. His cries scattered the birds from the trees, and the leaves cringed in kind. Shadowy wires came from the stone, winding their way up the boy’s arm. He cried out, too hurt to pull away. The shadow reached his head and wisped past his eyes, calming his pain. The boy, now released from the pain, panted with the effort to keep conscious.
“Ah...” a shadowy voice that reached from beyond another world called out, its swooning evil unmistakable. “My boy, I’d recognize your powers anywhere...so good to feel your power...” the boy cried out, falling to his knees, his chest heaving in ragged pulls. “Soon, that blasted water titan will rise, and with him, an heir. Hahaha. Victory shall be mine...I feel it.”
“Lord,” the man cloaked in black bowed, “What do you wish of us? My lord, we will serve any purpose you ask of us and carry out all your duties.”
“Hmmm?” the voice whispered through the air, snagging every branch on the tree with an aching drag. “Ahh...you, you are the man who found me in the first place? Foolish man, your desire for power has led you to evil you could only imagine. Do you know who I am? To whom do you think you’re speaking? Some mere peasant mortal like yourself!?”
“I apologize...my lord...” the man bowed, “Forgive me...”
“Lord...” the boy choked, his body ceased to quiver with pain. “Have you broken free of Sparks’ grasp?”
“Not completely.” the voice hissed, “Thousands of years drifting while being prevented by that accursed...but no matter. Boy, find a way to break me out of here. You,” the voice directed at the taller man, “you will find Aquais’ heir and kill him. Both of them pose a threat to my new body and existence. This poor planet, the one I searched for all my life, I finally found it!” the voice curdled into malevolent laughter. “Poor, poor Sparks! He gave his life for nothing! This pitiful planet now belongs to me!”
The boy bowed to the jewel.
“Who are you, exactly, malicious spirit?” the man inquired, a foot moved cautiously closer, but one kept back in case he was forced to flee.
The voice laughed, its hatred causing the trees to burn to ash and wither away, collapsing to the ground in an inferno. “My name is Dusk, lord of all odium and hatred.”
Deep in a log tavern, miles away, a man bolted awake, his forehead burning with what could almost be classified as a fever. He put his hand to his head, panting heavily. “What was that?” he stood up, his nightshirt and pants blowing against his muscular body, causing his long yellow hair to flare out against his collar. “Calm down, Yusha, it couldn’t be what it felt like.” he assured himself, slowly turning to see a glowing light burn from atop his counter. It could have been his lamp, if it was on. But his lamp was off, his books atop and beside it to keep Yusha’s eyes from being wounded by its intense light in the morning. The strange, almost enticing glow came from beside the books, calling to him. There sat a lone jewel, its lustrous yellow surface gleaming in the light. Yusha touched it and gasped, a voice hissing to him.
Yusha...it is now time. The lord of all odium and hatred has resurrected again. My soul can not hold him off forever. You must hurry, my heir, or all is lost. He must be stopped. Yusha fell to his knees, his hair disheveled. He ran his shaking hand through his hair and panted.
“It can’t be...already?” Yusha looked into the sky, “Seems only yesterday that you told me nothing would ever happened, even if the stone landed here...how sad...”
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Posted: Wed Oct 24, 2007 3:29 pm
Chapter I part 1/3
“A young girl with ruby red hair is all that stands between our life and death.” a forlorn, soft voice hissed against the muttering of the wind. A lone girl sat on a tree, her hair deep red, even darker than the painted skies near sunset. Her deep blue eyes wandered the trees around her; blood spattered the ground around her, even her hands were smeared in the scarlet liquid. Her legs hung below her, limp and quivering. She tightened her grip on the tree, the bark pressing abstract patterns into her warm, pink flesh. Her back arched and she hung for a mere moment, hand clenching the wiry uprising and knots, then dropped to the ground. The moment the soles of her feet touched it, a giant mouth the size of her body snapped through the tree beside her. Long legs propelled it forward as the jaw snapped down, inches from the maiden’s face. She didn’t cry out or scream, but there was definitely fear in her eyes as she jerked back violently from the oncoming assault.
Claws ripped the earth as the creature shoved itself forward further, its talons fastening around its pray. The girl grabbed a katana at her side and swept its ghostly white blade into the creature. It howled, blood spraying from its severed neck as the blade snapped through the spinal cord and splintered vertebrae. Throbbing pink flesh, dripping with red, leaked from its neck as its body toppled to the ground, its legs still quivering.
Two more creatures emerged from the brush, their wolf-like bodies quivering with the lust of the hunt. Large, bloodred eyes drank in the girl before the creatures bolted forward; long, gangly arms tearing through the air. The girl cried out as a claw left two bloody tears across her arm. She pulled back and grabbed it with her hand, blood seeping between her fingers. She dared not look at it, lest she go into shock. Her chest heaved as she panted, drawing her sword back. The second creature pounced onto her back, pushing her face into the mud. The girl gasped for air, writhing under its grasp. Her hands groped in the mud, searching for something, anything that could be used...
Hastily, her fingers fastened around a blunt object. She turned as best she could and swung at the beast with all the force she could muster. Pouring rain masked the smell of blood, but it carried the screech that echoed in the air. The creature on top of the girl collapsed, its arms grabbing at the empty air desperately as its eyes closed halfway. The girl cried out, pulling herself out from under the thing. The first beast didn’t mourn the death of its kin; instead, it took the opportunity to tackle the girl into the ground.
The world spun, mud pasting her vision as she felt something cold drip down from her face. She blinked away the water and blood as rain poured from above, making the beasts hard to see. She winced as its shrill, crooning howl ripped into the air, its ears folding back as it grinned at her. It stepped over its comrade, its claws landing with deafening plops in the sticky brown earth below. It stepped forward in unnaturally large strides, trailing blood and mud on its fangs and large paws. The girl stood shakily, her legs numb and resistant. She willed her hands to pull herself up as she got onto her knees and looked into the inky darkness. White, pale bodies seemed to bleed from it, more of the creatures, at least five times her size, grinned down on her with their rows of sharp, jagged teeth. Rain matted their short fur together, pasting the sides of their bodies with mud. Adrenaline pulsed through her as she struggled to her feet, trying to gain decent ground on the beasts, which was near impossible in her state. As soon as she stood they bolted toward her, their eyes showing an emotion that the girl could only guess to be pure obsession. She turned wildly around, trying to find means of escape. Her heart throbbed in her throat as she began to climb a tree.
Screaming as a claw tore into her leg, she pulled herself up desperately, fear driving away the pain. Her feet raked against the trunk, making a series of raking, snapping noises. She heaved herself onto a branch, her body shaking and her eyes swimming with tears.
Their white, almost luminous, bodies shrank into the darkness, disappearing amongst the shrubs and ferns. The green leaves rustled for a moment, then were still, masking the sight of the foul carnivores. “I smell them...” she quivered, her eyes sweeping over the gashes in her arm that pulsed with fresh blood that ran off in the pouring rain. “But I’m not gonna get out of here alive at the rate I’m going.” the scarlet-haired maiden’s arm suddenly healed up, all traces of the cut vanishing as the muscle intertwined and the skin kneaded itself together. “As a prophet, it is my job to protect him...the Chosen One, but I’m going, I’ll never find him...Only his red hair shall reveal him, and something about him is golden...but how many people have red hair? Mine is red as well, but ha! It’s such an ugly bleeding color.” the girl’s legs flexed as she jumped down, tears being washed away by the rain. She winced as she drew her blade, throwing all her weight to the right and into the face of an oncoming beast. It shrieked and crumpled, rain pattering against the body that hit the ground with a solid thump. Not waiting for the others to realize what happened, she bolted through the forest, the monsters on her heels. She stumbled, twigs snapping under her feet. Ferns and shrubs parted their leaves and leathery green stems as she tore through them with abandon. The snarling, panting beasts trialed behind her, crunching the plant leaves and stamping them into the mud as they surged forward after her.
The girl stumbled, nearly tripping over a rotting, wooden log. Her hands reached out, fingers clawing at the air for anything that could keep her from tumbling into the sodden land below. Her pupils grew wide and her mouth parted in a half scream before her fingers found a tree branch. She grabbed it, yanking her lightweight body forward. Her boots slammed against the branch as she pulled herself onto it. Snapping and groaning under the sudden fluctuation in weight, the branches swayed beneath the girl. Leaves fell as she raked her way farther up into the canopy of star-shaped leaves. Her eyes darted back to the ground, a shrill scream wailing from her parted lips as a jaw reached within inches of her ankle. She pulled it up jerkily, panting with terror and apprehension. She scrambled quickly, grabbing for any limb within reach. Once she was a good distance from the alabaster beasts, she caught her breath. She gulped the air, her hand coming to her face and wiping the matter hair from her eyes and wet face.
“As a prophet, it is my job to protect him...but how many boys have red hair?” her numb fingers wrapped around the hilt of her katana. She listened to the metal slide gallantly across the sheath’s interior. The sound was lost amid the pouring patter of the oncoming rain and wind. She pushed stray strands of her hair behind her red ears, her entire body shivering. “The stupid Prophecies don’t even specify it’ll be a boy for sure. It could be a girl, until I find out, I can’t confirm it! Ha! A girl titan under Aquais, that is a laugh!”
She cried out as a claw bound from the darkness. Sanguine eyes peered from the sparkling green leaves, aided by wide grins full of criss-crossing canines. Long, gangly limbs sprawled out, making the creatures’ bounds more than twenty feet. The creatures panted, their tongues hanging out. The girl was caught in an instant, her scream raking the air and parting the symphonic sound of rain. Her shaking fingers whipped her steel from its sheath and brought it down. She smashed it through the beast’s outstretched claw. It gave a howl of pain, recoiling for an instant, allowing her to lop its ugly head off. The decapitated body tumbled into the brush below, branches snapping under its girth. The girl jumped into another tree, branches shuddering as she did so. Her sharp fingernails dug into the wet bark to rip her up into the shelter of a pine tree. Panic struck her heart as she raked her nails against the branches to gain hold. Her fingertips grazed it and she tumbled down, her back hitting a branch and twigs snagging on her robe. At the last second she was able to pull herself up on a branch a few dozen feet down, narrowly avoiding a snapping jaw bristling with gnarled teeth only a few heartbeats away. The beasts, tired of waiting for her to drop down, sprang after her, their long claws splitting branches and breaking the tree.
The young maiden cried out again, her robes swaying behind her as she heard snapping cracks beneath her grow closer. To any extent, she had to escape. But as her narrow pupils shifted around, she knew there was nowhere left to go. They had surrounded her, boxing her in quicker than a pack of lionesses to a wounded gazelle on the lone savannah plains. She knew there was no point to cry out for help, no use bleating against the cries of the wind...she was too far for anyone to hear. She’d have to rely on her ability to climb faster than these beasts—hopefully she had enough strength and dexterity to out-climb them. A beast launched its girth at the base of the tree, snapping it in half. The tree groaned as its base splintered and tore. Fibers of wood sprayed the ground as, to the horror of the young girl, the tree began to fall. She lost her balance and fell, barely grabbing onto the branch of the tree. Sadly, the beasts were too swift, and knocked her from the tree onto the soaking ground many feet below.
Her fingers grabbed ineffectively at the falling tree as her back hit the ground, stunning her. Water and mud sprayed the air, staining girl and beast alike with chalky dirt soaked by the morbid downpour. Robbed of breath and thought, she could only stare blankly at the morbid scene before her. Her head pounded and her lungs ceased to reach for air in a futile attempt to gain her thoughts back. For a few horrible moments, she was unable to draw breath, her life seemed over. Everything stretched into a long moment of pain as jaws came around her.
Teeth sank into flesh, blood poured to the ground, snapping teeth and the sound of cracking bones lit up the air.
A cry rang out in the air, a human’s, mixed with beastly overture under the harmonious cry of the rain. Slowly, to those who listened intently, the girl screams were drowned out with that of a ferocious beast.
end chapter I part 1/3
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Posted: Mon Nov 05, 2007 2:40 pm
Okay so I givin comments on the first two paragraphs, thats all I've read so far...lol
Anyway i only have one recomendation so far, I think you should cut back on the larger words and use smaller, more detailed writing. It makes it simpler for a reader to get through the pages without pauseing to think "What does that mean?"
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Posted: Wed Nov 07, 2007 4:33 am
Yes, I thoguth of that, too. I'm going back and revising my book yet agian. xD I accidentally use bigger words. I shoudl know better, considering my friends always ask me to explain what i'm talking about when i use them ^-^
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