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 Posted: Wed Oct 10, 2007 7:02 pm
Alright peoples... Here's the deal:
I'm a writer. I write stuff. Stories, poems, essays, articles; you name it, we've got it. But my problem is, I'm rarely very happy with the way my works turn out.
Now, I'm sure I'm not the only one like this. Many of you - in fact, most of you probably also write, and while you may not be quite so critical of your own work, I'm sure you sometimes look for someone to go over your piece for you. Or something like that.
Sooo...based on my current predicament and the fact that I'm sure many of you share in my plight, I've come to the conclusion that we need a place to post our literary works that are either seriously in need of some criticism, or that we just want to share with other people.
Please feel free to post whatever written works you want here. I'll more than gladly edit them for you if that's what you want, and I'm willing to give feedback and, of course, praise (I'm really good at that).
Try not to post your epics and novels if you can help it. I'm thinking shorter things here. Poems, articles, paragraphs, short things like that.
And don't worry about criticizing someone else's work. That's what this is here for. Be brutal, be honest. I want you to rip apart my stuff especially. And if you're too sensitive to have someone rip apart your stuff, just don't post it here. This is about helping us to become better writers, and - possibly - editors.
I think this can really work out if we all post stuff and go over other peoples' works. I hope - and not only for my sake - that is thread does go somewhere. I think it'd be really great...
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Posted: Wed Oct 10, 2007 7:05 pm
I'll go first.
So I'm taking this course at school called Writer's Craft, and for my ISP I have to write a story. In this story I have to have full character descriptions every time a new character is introduced. I've written the ones for my four main characters already, but to tell you the truth, I'm not too pleased with them. (Surprise, surprise...)
Now, I have four of them, but I'm not going to post them all at once. If all goes well, I can post them one at a time and get separate opinions for each of them.
Here's number one:
She was sitting on the floor and leaning back against the old, chocolate-coloured couch. Her short skinny legs in their faded denim jeans were stretched out in front of her and crossed at the ankles, left over right. Her left foot, clad in an orange sock (her right in a green one), tapped against the air, to a beat that played only in her head. She was slender and poised, like a dancer, though she never claimed grace and often said it eluded her. She came across as strong, with set shoulders and muscled-toned arms under her bright green fitted t-shirt. It matched perfectly with her intensely green eyes, under gently arching eyebrows that were slightly darker than her long, fiery red hair – she maintained it well and it was always so soft and shiny – that she was now braiding into pigtails. Freckles danced across her nose, though they were now faded because of the tan that remained from the summer, a nice change from her usually pale complexion. Other than the freckles, not one thing marred the flawless, tan-darkened porcelain of her skin. She had a claddagh on her thumb, homemade bracelets covering her wrists, strange symbols drawn on her left arm in henna, the word "courage" on her left hand, and a shamrock on a chain around her neck. She was Irish to a T – minus the accent – and proud of it.
Alright, go for it. Rip it to shreds.
I want feedback, people!!
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Posted: Thu Oct 11, 2007 2:04 pm
wow eek
that was very descriptive
awesome
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Posted: Thu Oct 11, 2007 2:42 pm
>.<
That's all you have to say?!
Come on... What don't you like about it? What would you change about it? Is there something I could have written a little better? Help me out here!
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Posted: Fri Oct 12, 2007 6:57 pm
Rika Shay >.<
That's all you have to say?!
Come on... What don't you like about it? What would you change about it? Is there something I could have written a little better? Help me out here! what helped me write better was reading very well written books Have you ever heard of HITCH HIKER'S GUIDE TO THE GALAXY by Douglas Adams this book helped me so much 3nodding
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Posted: Sat Oct 13, 2007 7:06 am
i dont think "her right in orange' should be in brackets. ps could i draw this?? and could you write other cool things i could draw? i love the detail you put into yur words. pps. http://thingsnotseen.deviantart.com
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Posted: Sat Oct 13, 2007 7:01 pm
THANK-YOU! That's exactly what I'm looking for! I'll change that RIGHT now.
And if you want to draw it, by all means! Please feel free! When I post my other descriptions, you can draw them too if you want. I'd love that. =)
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Posted: Mon Oct 15, 2007 3:06 pm
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Posted: Tue Oct 16, 2007 1:28 pm
Post the picture here when you're done.
I can't wait to see it!!
Ready for more stuff, guys?
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Posted: Sun Oct 21, 2007 7:13 pm
Description number two:
She carefully uncurled and settled herself more comfortably in the old, patched armchair in her friend’s basement. She threw her legs across the arm and sat sideways with her back leaning up against the other arm of the chair, the right side of her body pressed against the back of the chair. She rarely, if ever, sat in a chair normally. She stretched out her legs and smoothed out her black jeans. They had bunched uncomfortably under her bent knees and she now wished that she had thought to move sooner. Aside from the pants, she also wore a silver-studded black leather belt, a fitted white t-shirt with a black number one on it, and red-and-black striped socks. Her black skater shoes with mismatched laces (the left one bearing green laces and the right one bearing orange ones) lay discarded next to the chair, as did a large, black, hooded zip sweater. She had two necklaces; one a black beaded one that was shorter, and the other a longer, silver chain that had a dragon on the end of it. There was a plain black wrist band on her right arm and a bright blue watch on her left arm, the same bright blue as her eyes – which were surrounded by dark eyeliner – and bangs. Only her bangs, though; the rest of her hair was its natural light brown colour, and it was always tied back a ponytail.
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Posted: Mon Oct 22, 2007 5:21 pm
OMG stop being so good
the descriptive qualities of your writings are by far the greatest I have come to read
maybe we could see some short stories as well mrgreen
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Posted: Tue Oct 23, 2007 1:38 pm
Oh, come off it! You flatter me.
It can't be THAT good.
These descriptions are going to be part of the short story that I have to write for a course I'm taking at school. I't probably going to be pretty long, but I can post it if you absolutely want.
I have a few short stories I might be willing to post in the meantime. If you can persuade me, that is... XD
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Posted: Tue Oct 23, 2007 2:45 pm
Rika Shay Oh, come off it! You flatter me.
It can't be THAT good.
These descriptions are going to be part of the short story that I have to write for a course I'm taking at school. I't probably going to be pretty long, but I can post it if you absolutely want.
I have a few short stories I might be willing to post in the meantime. If you can persuade me, that is... XD lol xp you're very talented, I'm sure everybody would love to see your work not jk wink
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Posted: Tue Oct 23, 2007 3:35 pm
Awwwwwww... Thanks, BB... You're so sweet! =)
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Posted: Tue Oct 23, 2007 4:44 pm
Rika Shay Awwwwwww... Thanks, BB... You're so sweet! =) It's a gift redface
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