Welcome to Gaia! ::

Just a little something I wrote a while back - a set of myths from a different world. In need of concrit. Posting in two parts to hold updates over your head avoid overwhelming you with walls of text.


There is a world where humans walk with dragons. Life is different there, for all its inhabitants. I know, because I was one. But I was banished for daring to look upon the Dragons’ Archives. Ah… the legendary Archives, holding the truth behind all the stories my people tell. I risked everything for the merest glimpse. My home. My life. My love. But I stray from my purpose. That is, to record all I have seen (And there is a lot of it, for all the shallow depths of my dive) on this primitive typewriter. Though it is a foolish hope, perhaps, one day, one of my kind will find these words.

There is only one way to start.

With the beginning….


In the beginning, there was chaos, all things drifting together. Then, the Chaos spit forth earth, air, water, and fire, and each was separate from the other, but none had a shape of its own. And then, chaos spit forth Tiamat, mother dragon, and Bahamut, father dragon. Together, Tiamat and Bahamut shaped the world of earth and water, and set fire running through its veins, and enveloped it with a blanket of air.

When this was done, Tiamat and Bahamut mated, and from their mating came four eggs. One, they buried deep inside a mountain. From it, Thrun hatched, and he was the earth dragon. The second was hung from a cloud. Fehyx hatched from it, and he was the air dragon. Another, they set at the ocean’s bottom. When Celmwi hatched, she was the water dragon. The last was nestled in a volcano. Siphthe hatched from it, and she was the fire dragon.

While the hatchlings grew, Tiamat and Bahamut created the creatures that dwell in the world. Bahamut fashioned them out of each of the four elements, and Tiamat gave them life with a spark of the Chaos from which everything comes. But when humans were created, Tiamat let a drop of her blood fall on their foreheads, and they were gifted with a measure of the wisdom of the dragons.

When Bahamut learned of this, he grew angry, since he knew that humans, being only part wise, could destroy everything that had been made. So the mother dragon and the father dragon fought, and their battles shook the foundations of the world. Seeing this, they decided that lest all return to Chaos, they should take their war to Chaos. Entrusting the care of the world to their hatchlings, they entered back into the Chaos that still nestled the world. Tiamat became the sun, and Bahamut became the moon, chasing each other across the sky. There they remain to this day.

Wow, that's really cool. I can see elements of norse mythology in there, and of others. I can't really think of anything to critique, except that the beginning seems kind of cliche.

No, the meta-story could work, just present it in a less cliche way. The "I must tell my story before I die, because the world needs to know." thing is a bit over used. If you could come up with some more interesting reason for him to be telling his story right now, it could be really good.

Definitely. I'll rework it when I get the chance and post the changes. Until then, here's the second half. (Cliched metastory included)

...

So it was that the hatchlings of Tiamat and Bahamut found themselves alone on a world of sea and islands, and the humans spreading across the lands. They decided to create helpers that would watch over their domains and act as speakers between the dragons and the humans. Fehyx shaped unicorns from horses’ manes and doves’ feathers, sylphs from butterfly wings and thistledown, to watch the air. Siphthe formed the phoenix of eagle feathers and ash, salamanders from snakes’ skin and wax, as guardians of fire. Thrun carved gnomes from clay and quartz, dryads from acorns and oaks’ blood, the sentinels of the earth. Celmwi brought selkies from seals’ skins and driftwood, hippcamps from fish’s scales and ocean weed, to dwell in water.

When this was done, the Hatchlings were content. And being no longer hatchlings, but fully grown, they held the first mating flight. Celmwi and Siphthe laid their eggs on the islands of the world. From these eggs hatched the ancestors of all dragons today.

The no-longer-hatchlings, the Great Dragons, made their homes where they wished. Thrun’s den was a cave deep in the earth. Fehyx lived on a towering mountaintop. Siphthe’s lair was inside a fierce volcano. Celmwi found an underwater grotto. And the humans who were near them saw how wise and powerful the Great Dragons were, and they wished to honor them. As there were four tribes of humans, each of the Great Dragons claimed the tribe that they liked best. Thrun chose the Gerns, because they are tough and stoic. Fehyx chose the Vesh, because they are clever and adaptive. Siphthe chose the Thets for their strength and bravery. Celmwi chose the Yohl for their grace and intuition.

Soon the Great Dragons found humans of which they were fond, and grieved for their weakness. So they gave them of the gifts of the stronger animals, and called them the favored. Siphthe gave the tails and armor of scorpions to the best of the Thets, and called them Shireth. To the chosen Yohl, Celmwi gave the fins and gills of fish, and called them Merfolk. Thrun gave horses’ legs and flanks to the worthy Gerns, and they were called Centaurs. To the greatest of the Vesh, Fehyx gave eagles’ wings and talons, and they were called Birdfolk.

So it happened that at the end of the world’s creation, there were the four Great Dragons, dragonkind spread across the islands, the first and second helpers, the favored, four tribes of humans, and all the creatures of the world.


Ah, good finder, you cannot imagine my surprise when I found that this world had tales of all the Helpers and the Favored (though Birdfolk are called harpies and Shireth are forgotten). I thought that I might find a place here. Alas, if any dragons remain, they are separate, as those of my world would have been but for this story, almost forgotten, hidden for so long.

eek Total, utter coolness.

A roleplay in that world would be really fun. I just really like the world.

By the way, I posted the first chapter of my story in the Norse Novel thread if you want to check it out.