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 Posted: Thu Aug 11, 2005 2:47 pm
fireworks
crash!
the fireworks fly high,
bang!
sparks illuminate the sky.
bam!
a rainbow split apart,
boom!
now the sky's a peice of art.
wam!
the rainbow sprinkles down,
woosh!
to form a fairy's crown.
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Posted: Thu Aug 11, 2005 2:52 pm
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Posted: Thu Aug 11, 2005 5:41 pm
Aw that was cute. Honestly it reminded me of a poem that would be in a children's picture book, and I don't mean that in a bad way. My four-year-old niece would love it. Have a strong verb by itself and then describing it is what I mean when it would grab the attention of children, as well as the rhyme, because it doesn't feel forced.
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Posted: Fri Aug 12, 2005 4:09 am
This was an excellent poem. I loved it, because I love fireworks so much...it made me feel like I was watching fireworks. I love, love, LOVE the onomonopia (or however you spell it--I don't feel like looking it up). The whole poem has a definate rhythm and flow, and the rhyming is excellent.
Hah. I'm not the best poetry critic. I realise that the above paragraph is not a real cirique, but rather a gushing review. But I can't see anything to critique, so...all I can give you is a gushing review!
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Posted: Fri Aug 12, 2005 7:00 am
poetry is not my forte but...
I like the form but I wondered if the poem could be more direccted to something other then a fairies crown... that seriouisly made me feel 11 again. Also it is too simple for my taste. sweatdrop
...do fireworks crash? eek
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Posted: Fri Aug 12, 2005 8:39 am
I like it... great immagry... you should submit it to a poetry contest
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Posted: Fri Aug 12, 2005 11:40 am
I agree with Magnolia_x whee It's a seriously good poem. When I read it, it made me feel like a little kid watching fireworks!
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Posted: Fri Aug 12, 2005 12:33 pm
Queeny poetry is not my forte but...I like the form but I wondered if the poem could be more direccted to something other then a fairies crown... that seriouisly made me feel 11 again. Also it is too simple for my taste. sweatdrop ...do fireworks crash? eek well,i think that the 11 thing is justified,seeing as i am 11....
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Posted: Fri Aug 12, 2005 2:04 pm
Heseweh Queeny poetry is not my forte but...I like the form but I wondered if the poem could be more direccted to something other then a fairies crown... that seriouisly made me feel 11 again. Also it is too simple for my taste. sweatdrop ...do fireworks crash? eek well,i think that the 11 thing is justified,seeing as i am 11....
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Posted: Fri Aug 12, 2005 2:24 pm
I thought it was a very cute poem- good imagery and it does give one a light-hearted feeling, which is always a good thing. Oh, I thought that the sounds would be more emphasized if you capitalized them, but that's about all I saw that I thought needed changing. I like it! Good job!
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Posted: Fri Aug 12, 2005 3:18 pm
I like it. It made me feel like smiling. Most of my poems are dark and sometimes depressing, especially after my friend died cry , but I like poems that make me smile.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, I always say.
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