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 Posted: Sat Nov 03, 2007 10:34 pm
11.3.2007
So yeah. I had a fairly laid back day. Got up, hung out a little, went to the store...Man, it was sooooo cold outside. I lounged around until around noon...Then my friend Ray came over to hang out. Poor guy's bein' kicked out of his house.
Then Austin came over, and like...We all hung out and had a good time. I paid daddy's rent, and came home to clean my room. Now, it's beautifully clean. But anyways. That passed a lot of time. Daddy came home, and my friends scattered (like always. They fear daddy, cuz he's 6'4", 250 pounds.) So, daddy and I went to the store, and I got to drive around for awhile.
Then, we came home, and I went over to Austin's house, and we played Ace Combat for about an hour, before I came home. Daddy and I finally talked...About my transgender issues. It's a first for us, cuz...Like...Daddy feels guilty, cuz he thinks that he went wrong somewhere down the road, and that's not the case...But I can't seem to convince him of that.
Samantha, my sister, told mom about me. Mom and Daddy got divorced about seven years ago, and my little brother stays with her during the school year. Mom...Mom's homophobic/transphobic/closed minded...As are many parents. So now, I'm not allowed to call my little brother, cuz she thinks that I'm having a negative impact on my brother (he's only 10.)
I miss him. I miss my little brother. It hurts not talking to him. It's been nearly 3 months since I got to talk to him. Now, I wonder if Samantha told mom cuz she wants mom to accept her, and wants mom to push me further away. Samantha's done s**t like that for many, many years. I dunno. So much to think about, such a small amount of sanity left. I'm just afraid that daddy won't want anything to do with me once I make my transition...I'm afraid...That my mom will brainwash David into thinking that she's not the bad guy, but I am, cuz I'm not a normal boy who wants to get married to a woman and have three kids, a rifle, two dogs, and a huge truck...
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Posted: Mon Nov 05, 2007 7:28 pm
11.5.2007
So yeah.....I noticed something today. I'm transgender, and I haven't undergone any treatment whatsoever, yet...o-O; I have curves! Like...My hips and my waist are like...Very feminine. It's strange, yet comforting. =)
Now if only I could get rid of this facial hair....;-; I hate it. My face itches, and that stupid shadow is there! ;-;
And I wish that my arms weren't so well toned...Like...It's handy, being able to lift half my body weight off the ground, but at the same time I hate it, cuz my blood veins pop out, and my muscles get all....Masculine...*shudders*
But yeah. Had a shitty day. I'm quitting smoking though, so I seriously think that's a good part of why I had a shitty day. I'll be fine.
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Posted: Mon Nov 05, 2007 8:36 pm
I'm sorry that your mom isn't more accepting of you. I really hope that your dad will be. And maybe once your brother has grown up enough (or even now if you're lucky) he'll decide that he can choose who he wants to talk to, whether your mom likes it or not. *hug*
Also, yay for quiting smoking. ^^ *cheers*
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