|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Sun Nov 04, 2007 8:33 pm
So I have heard a number of people discussing when is the "right" age to get married.
Having researched human development myself, I know there is no "right" answer to this question. Development is unique to each person and while some people are ready to be in a committed relationship as early as 18, others need until they are in their 30s to settle down.
However, my question to start off the guild is this: In your own opinion, how young is TOO young to get married? What age is perfect for you/in your opinion? And how long should you be dating/know the man until you get married?
And I am talking about a lasting relationship...not a Britney Spears-less-than-an-hour-marriage. I mean "Till death do us part".
What age is right? What does it depend on? What are your thoughts on marriage?
If you want to know the story behind the question, ask. And read my journal. I'll be more than happy to explain!
Happy posting!
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Nov 04, 2007 9:14 pm
How young is TOO young to get married? I'd say 18 is too young.
What age is perfect for you/in your opinion? For me, I would say 23 (because that's how old I am going to be, to the day, when we get married.)
And how long should you be dating/know the man until you get married? This is a sticky question. I shall launch into my story as to why it's not cut-and-dry:
Back in high school, I met a guy I wanted to be with for the rest of my life. I loved him dearly, and he loved me too. We ended up going to college together, and while I loved him, I just couldn't SEE myself with him. He never wanted me to have other friends (even girls, but especially not guys) and would take it personally if I just wanted some alone time. After three years, I had to break it off with him.
And I knew, the entire time, that I could not not be with him forever. I saw how his father treated his mother, and I just did NOT want to be that kind of woman.
The man I am engaged to, however... The only thing about him I regret is that I didn't meet him sooner. He's p-e-r-f-e-c-t. In every single way. And you know what? We'll be going to Disneyland next week to celebrate our six-month "anniversary." This is the man I can see myself growing old with, and this is the man I *will* be marrying.
So, to make a long story even longer, the amount of time you are in a relationship with a man doesn't matter (to an extent). All that matters is your attitude and true, deep-down thoughts about being with him for the rest of your life.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Nov 04, 2007 9:18 pm
I do not take age into consideration for a second. I wrote a nice long wall of text on attraction in the ED:
http://www.gaiaonline.com/forum/extended-discussion/what-is-attraction/t.34399633_46/#56 (page 4)
Nobody old enough to understand that, and able to fulfill that, is too young to get married as far as I'm concerned. Age isn't the issue really, simply ready-ness based on certain attractions that are met.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Nov 05, 2007 8:39 am
I think the right time for an individual to be married is after they've had their chance to experiment with the opposite sex and try out everything that they may have fantasized or thought about sexually. After they've dated several people at once, had threesomes, had casual sex, had a homosexual experience, whatever it is that they feel they may be curious about.
When those things are done and over with and the person has gotten all the experience in the areas they could have been wondering about, that person is ready to look for something more stable. It is when that person can honestly tell themselves that yes, they've tried what they wanted as many times as they wanted, when they don't feel the thirst or curiosity to try more different things with more people and dated different types of people, when they don't feel the urge to check out other options and when they can say: "yeah, been there, done that" that they are ready to settle down with one partner.
And obviously each of these will be different for each person. One person may not feel curious about multiple partners or checking out what else is out there while another may have a hungrier beast to feed when it comes to experimentation and experiences with the opposite sex.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Nov 05, 2007 2:57 pm
well i think at least past 21.
and well after a couple years of dating...
just to make sure you at least lasted that long, and really do care about eachother that much or are compatable that well.
actually i dont have much deep to say other than that.... old enough to drink and have a few living years under there bealt and had enough time together to know better.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Nov 05, 2007 8:17 pm
I believe the right age is whenever both people know who they are and know the full meaning of life. It's also good if they are attracted to one another.
If there is a pair of 13 year olds who can deal with life situations better then you can, I say more power to em!
Marrage is a deep bond. You must be committed to the other when you are concidering marrage. If there are any dought, don't do it unless you can get rid of the doughts and be able to enter into bondage with only love for the other.
I will take deep concideration into whom I marry. No doughts, no regrets, just love.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Nov 06, 2007 8:24 am
Anybody over 21, whos been dating over 2 years and have lived together for some part of the relationship.
I'm 18 and I know I'm not ready for marriage even though me and my boyfriend are very commited to each other. I can't stand on my own to feet yet and still to rely on my parents. I can do most things myself I just don't have the money.
People see marriage as something people in love do, which on most part is true. But love alone doesn't make a marriage last.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Nov 06, 2007 3:25 pm
People get married when they're ready to, I think. But I really don't think anyone is truly "ready" to get married until they're 25+. Yeah, that seems old, but by that time, you're out of college, you've got a job of some kind, and you've had time to develop responsibilities and ways to fulfill them.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Nov 08, 2007 9:16 am
Interesting to see how everyone's opinion really differs on this topic.
Well, thanks for the input and keep it coming. I can turn this personal if people are curious, otherwise we can just keep it kind of a general talk.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Nov 08, 2007 10:03 am
In my opinion too young to get married are the ages of 18-25. In that age period you should look around and have fun! I think a good age to be married is around 28 because you are still in your twenties and young but your old enough to be wiser about financial situations and how to raise a family. I think in order to get married to someone, you should at least know them for a couple years, 2 years at the least. Also, marriage depends on things such as how you are doing in life and if you are stable enough and if he/she is also. I think marriage is just legal terms. I mean, my parents were together for 18 years and it was like they were married, and the legal system treated them as if they are legal, but they never were. I think marriage just makes the couple feel closer and feels like they have more of a connection.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Nov 08, 2007 3:25 pm
Well, from my perspective, I believe that there is no magical age for myself or anyone else. I'm currently in my senior year of obtaining a BA in Psychology with a minor in sociology and Human Development, not to mention a personal interest in Interpersonal communication.
I would say, first off if it were legal for me to get married (I'm a lesbian), there are a great variation of factors that come into play. There's the maturity levels of each partner, what each partner thinks they're going to obtain by moving their relationship to the 'level' of marriage and that there needs to be a lack of social influence. The common force that drives people to marry at young ages is culture, rushed relationships and social stigma's.
I do think that people should go through counseling before they're allowed to be married, perhaps not the strict religious counseling that many catholic churches insist on, but at least something to prove that you are mentally stable enough and respect each other enough to be able to co-exist with one another.
Would I like to get married? Hell yes. Am I ready for it now? No, I know I'm not on higher level of mental preprocessing and compromising abilities that it takes to have a happy healthy successful marriage. Will I ever get there? Probably. When will I get there? No freakin' clue.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Nov 08, 2007 5:50 pm
Well, in my opinion, I don't think there is an age. In my case, if my current boyfriend asked me now to marry him, I would, and I'm sixteen. I've known him for almost three years, and we've been dating for almost three months. I'd say you need to know the person really well, at at least have lived with them, or been around them for a long period of time.
Uhm... I do want to get married, but I do want to wait a few years. I can't think of anything else to say, but if I do, I'll post. :3
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Nov 08, 2007 6:09 pm
I don't care. Marry when you want. I would suggest not marrying until after you get out of college--or have a job that you can support yourself and have some extra money left over.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Nov 08, 2007 9:53 pm
As I find with sex, if you're mature enough to decide that you can commit yourself so completely to someone, you're old enough to be married. Granted, this basically excludes most anyone under 18. Ergo, most teens don't realize what they want, as has been stated time and again throughout the site, and thus marrying any younger than 20 would likely be disasterous. While this isn't always true, I'd be willing to place a confident bet that the figures concerning divorce rates between couples married who are under 20 years of age is among the highest of all age groups.
The key points I feel are necessary in deciding if someone's ready to be married include being able to commit to something completely, mind and soul, being mature enough to negotiate issues and work through problems as a couple, a vast knowledge of the fiancee's life - their lifestyle, hobbies, pet peeves, etc., and a passion undying for the other's presence. Sure, I acknowledge the educated opinions of others, but I feel that regardless of any scientific data, these conditions MUST be fulfilled in order to achieve a successful marriage for any great length of time.
Personally, I don't feel marriage is for me at this time. I'm not sure if I'll ever get married, but I might change my mind for the right person. It'd take a really special person to do so, though. =P
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Nov 09, 2007 1:38 pm
wilderness.magic So I have heard a number of people discussing when is the "right" age to get married. Having researched human development myself, I know there is no "right" answer to this question. Development is unique to each person and while some people are ready to be in a committed relationship as early as 18, others need until they are in their 30s to settle down. However, my question to start off the guild is this: In your own opinion, how young is TOO young to get married? What age is perfect for you/in your opinion? And how long should you be dating/know the man until you get married? And I am talking about a lasting relationship...not a Britney Spears-less-than-an-hour-marriage. I mean "Till death do us part". What age is right? What does it depend on? What are your thoughts on marriage? If you want to know the story behind the question, ask. And read my journal. I'll be more than happy to explain! Happy posting! Well, the problem with getting married too long is that you have your whole life ahead of you. If you have finished what you wanted to finish in life in terms of school, then go ahead and get married. I personally think that your mid twenties is the best time to get married. From what my parents say, Marriage is something that depends on love, and personality. Sometimes opposites attract (my parents). But you should be dating probably more than a year, or enough that you feel that you know the person well enough. I wouldn't live with your boyfriend, because then you would know how the person is, and then you get married and you're like "geez, I guess now we're married." and nothing has changed...
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Reply
