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 Posted: Sun Nov 04, 2007 11:38 pm
Here I go again. Let's see if this one is a success. You may - nay, will - be familiar with the 'Anti-Guide' in the Writer's Forum. If you're not, it's a forum in which writers post advice that other writers should definately not follow. Such as: Quote: If you're writing a Naruto songfic, it should be either Animal Inside Me for the demons, or My Immortal for angst. Hell, if it's got any angst at all, it should be My Immortal. Actually, you should go and write a My Immortal Naruto songfic right now. I command it. As you can probably tell, I was reading the Naruto Anti-Guide just then. And it got me thinking... So, let's say your story/stories are a massive success. And Anti-Guide is created for the newbies to the fandom. What should be in it? Example: Fubuki and Shigure, no matter how much they pretend to hate each other, are obviously madly in love. They should confirm this by having sex at least once every chapter.
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Posted: Mon Nov 05, 2007 8:27 am
Okay.....if you're writing a fanfic involving my stories, here's some notes:
Matthew
You should sooooo.....come up with a long-lost sibling for him.
((Gahh..it's really blatant that he's an only child. It'd really annoy me because...they have a good loophole. Just replace sibling with cousin and you're not breaking 'my rules'.))
Tom
Thomas should absolutely be portrayed as a pansy. Preferably one that is meek towards his father and has lengthy conversations. Oh and portray him as one for traditions. And make him decide straight away whether 'Traditions can be broken and still respected', let's ignore the fact that that question is a vital part of his character.
((They don't get on. Let's just say...that strained niceties are about the only thing they've said over....about a year))
Joshua
Why not have Joshua and Matthew meet 'for the first time'? ((Hello? They're cousins. It should be freakin' obvious. Fathers are brothers so they have the same surname for pity's sake!))
Though, feel free to give him a makeover, including, but not limited to:
.Dying ginger hair
.Straightening fangs
.Deactivating abnormal immune system responses.
.Removing flaws
'Roc'
Feel free to have him meet Matthew - with them both being students in school. Also, feel free to have him be 'I'm so lonely. I'm an only child' and also let him worry about himself as in 'I'm not wearing the right clothes. And have him be now-polite.
((Several problems with that.
.One - while 'Roc' is in school, Matthew hasn't even been heard of. Okay, he does break certain rules but he doesn't have a kid THAT freakin' early.
.Two - His social skills have been entirely gleaned from old books that include such advice as 'defend your lady's honour'
.Three - he isn't an only child. I lost count of his siblings, even after I killed one off. ((Said sibling is a ghost now))
.Four - He doesn't particularly care about clothes.
.Five - Even if he did, he has bigger things to worry about.))
((Like that?))
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Distinct Conversationalist
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Posted: Mon Nov 05, 2007 12:35 pm
For 'Little Birds'-
Be sure to make Feragel into a whiney-a** Anne Rice vampire. And slash him. A lot. With Talin. Or better yet, have a love polygon including Feragel, Ebry, Talin, Icar, and Wile.
Statutory rape is a lie told to you by the government. It isn't damaging at all, really.
Talin and Icar are totally having a lover's quarrel.
Deep down, Kita really does have a heart of gold. And she should totally fall for Feragel, despite the fact that they hate each other.
Give Wile AWESUM powers. And let take away all repercussions that would normally occur.
If you have an OC, they must either be a vampire without the crappy short lifespan, a necromancer that doesn't have to pay the price for using their powers, or a homunculus that looks like a crossover from Full Metal Alchemist. They should be better at fighting than Kita, and quickly find a solution to the plot.
Talin should cackle, and Icar should start acting like Gandolf.
Necromancers should do magic while having sex. A lot.
Write a songfic, either to an Evanescence song, so long as it doesn't sound remotely Gothic (emo and depressing is fine, just not classicly influenced) or to something perky and happy.
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Posted: Mon Nov 05, 2007 4:23 pm
Kita-Ysabell Necromancers should do magic while having sex. A lot. This one made me lol. More Foxglove: 'Nine tails is the most they can have'? Puh-lease. There's bound to be a ten, or eleven, or thirty-two tailed fox out there. If a cat can shapeshift just by having a forked tail, why can't anything else? You know, like wolves. Or tigers. Or eagles. And they should have ten tails, too. Yvon can shape-shift into a woman. Therefore, Yvon can get pregnant, despite being made up entirely of ribbons. Therefore... your main female character could not only be a ten-tailed griffon, she could also be the daughter of a dragon with super-powers! And half magical god-powered fox. Or better yet, vampires. There's werewolves, barguests and dragons; there's got to be vampires somewhere. Why not make your character the first one? (Foxglove is just perfectly made for Mary-Sues. It's one of it's major downfalls as a prospective fandom) Kill Shin. He's largely useless and annoying, and not attractive enough to be involved in slash. Failing death, make him Too Dumb To Live, or there's always his hidden murderous streak which everyone knows he really has. In the aforementioned Shigure/Fubuki, Shigure should be on the bottom. Despite being a samurai, a bounty hunter and a frigid b*****d, everyone knows that, deep down, he's a real softy and he only tried to conquer the world so that he could be loved. If that's not enough for you, kill someone (preferably Shin) in front of him, and get him shaking in his shoes over the death. Then he can have sex with Fubuki to console him! It's fail-proof!
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Posted: Mon Nov 05, 2007 6:48 pm
lol.
Everyone knows that Drazora is a sissy with the spine of a slug! Also, he should break into tears every chapter, regardless of how long ago his Break The Cutie years were. And: If he isn't an totally-not-annoying-at-all ball of angst, he's a slut who got what he deserved.
Need to slash Drazzy with someone other then Eclipse? Make him go into season; it totally won't piss off the creator to see you abusing her species-building that way!
Being a summoner/channeler has no risks at all! Ellesserhreameara can totally summon Asp/a fenril pack without having her limbs torn off!
Tori-Ryuu are just elves with feathers; go ahead, make your original character a dragon/human/Tori-Ryuu/demon/fish monster hybrid! S/he'll also still be stunningly beautiful!
Drazzy is straight. Don't let the scruffy, tall guy who shares a bed with him keep you from writing your perfect Shavera/Drazora fanfic!
You can't write a Drazzy songfic without some totally-not-stupid, horribly angsty song!
Erin's good relations with her family is a lie made by the government! She was definately abused; why else would she be the way she is?!
Drazora's a girl in a guy's body. The protests are just to cover up the inner girliness!
...*cries, because this all will come true*
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Posted: Mon Nov 05, 2007 7:20 pm
Huh, I just thought of the worst thing that could possibly happen to Foxglove:
Naruto has kitsune. Foxglove also has kitsune. You should definately do a cross-over.
Venus, you reminded me of when Gerwyn the elf goes into season in my fantasy story. It's nothing graphic - his ears just go bright red. He pulls a beanie down over them to cover it up. But he does get a lot of nasty comments...
(By the way, the Shigure/Fubuki thing? Guaranteed. I know this because I'm the author, and I have drawn the pair. Not... graphic, I don't do that, but Shigure always seems to be the submissive one, although he'd definately beat Fubuki to a pulp if he tried it. Which reminds me smile
Everyone knows Ike is actually in love with Yogan. They're a perfect pair for a hurt/comfort slash fic. Hell, it even looks as if they've been made especially for this purpose, and just pretend to be friends so that you can have the fun writing the yaoi stuff.
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Posted: Mon Nov 05, 2007 7:34 pm
Vitae is gay, he just doesn't know it. He must be shown the truth of his gayness either by Nathan or Kyril. If Nathan, the fic must be a mid-book one-shot (double points if you can make it a post-book multi-chapter fic! Naturally, neither of them will be too emotionally scarred/wracked with guilt to face each other after the end of the book.) If Kyril, it must be a pre-book fic of their schoolboy years. Triple points for Kyril/Vitae references or flashbacks during a Vitae/Nathan fic. Because you know he screwed them both.
Vitae is always the awkward uke.
Vitae is so obviously a vampire. An immortal one. Make sure he angsts long and hard over this fact.
Vitae's arm previously belonged to Inspector Gadget and is therefore more useful than a Leatherman and a Swiss Army knife combined. And it isn't heavy at all, nor does it screw up his posture or make his shoulder a funny shape.
Nathan is just Kyril reincarnated. This works doubly well when slashing him with Vitae.
Given all the above evidence, Kyril was obviously gay, too.
Since Nathan is bi, he's obviously capable of being in love with Sabine. That whole thing about him thinking of her as his sister is just a front to hide his true feelings. Even better, have him torn between his love for Sabine and his lust for Vitae.
By the way, did I mention that Richard is gay, too? When he claimed he married Ciora, that was just the insanity talking. He needs Nathan's help to discover his sexuality, just like Vitae.
Yinda is a ninja and a kleptomaniac! And no, you don't actually have to research kelptomania before writing about it. It's just a cute little habit where people steal stuff. 3nodding And there are totally ninjas in the Five Nations.
Vitae/anybody hurt/comfort fics are a MUST.
Nathan must cross-dress at least once in every fic. And enjoy it.
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Posted: Mon Nov 05, 2007 7:48 pm
Raincrow Triple points for Kyril/Vitae references or flashbacks during a Vitae/Nathan fic. Because you know he screwed them both.
Vitae/anybody hurt/comfort fics are a MUST.
Nathan must cross-dress at least once in every fic. And enjoy it. 1. Of course. 2. Indeed they are. Indeed they are. 3. Double points if it's kinky? And triple if Vitae thinks it's sexy but has to restrain himself?
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Distinct Conversationalist
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Posted: Mon Nov 05, 2007 7:55 pm
This is too much fun! Really, it is!
Anyways, anti-guide for 'World Unseen':
All Chris's hard feelings for Aeru are really love. Despite the repeated rape and all. Because Chris is obviously gay.
Love always wins. Even over biology. There's nothing wrong with half fairy characters!
Because Vierad is a confident, somewhat flamboyant gay male, he is also a complete slut. Be sure to have him sleep with everyone, especially Key.
The more people Moelle falls in love with, the beter. Bonus if they're human. If she says she doesn't need love, she's obviously lying!
Despite being a great big phallic symbol, Key really really enjoys crossdressing. Trust me. He'll be just thrilled.
Do a total crossover with any other mythological creatures you can think of. Especially Tolkien elves. And then make all the characters crossbreeds.
Iarandan should quickly be made to see the error of her ways, and then turn into a total damsel in distress. And then pair her off with Aeru. Go, incest!
You know what this fandom needs? Some femslash. Moelle/Amy, OTP!
The king and queen aren't dead! They're just in hiding or something!
Aeru and Vierad seriously need to lead the sexual revolution. Because we all know that 'inheiritance law' is just a cover for prejudice!
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Posted: Mon Nov 05, 2007 7:57 pm
Ooare Raincrow Nathan must cross-dress at least once in every fic. And enjoy it. 3. Double points if it's kinky? And triple if Vitae thinks it's sexy but has to restrain himself?
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Posted: Mon Nov 05, 2007 8:28 pm
I just got the best image in my mind. Get Nathan a leather whip and some boots for Halloween next year, Rae.
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Posted: Mon Nov 05, 2007 8:47 pm
@ Oolie: eek Oh dear.
More for MOSI:
Feel free to make Yinda grow up so she and Vitae can have a non-***** relationship. The two of them can even get married and have little vampire-ninja babies! Never mind that Yinda is terrified of childbirth after what happened to her mother, and naturally predisposed to miscarry, besides.
Don't hesitate to give Vitae an illegitimate/long-lost sibling who somehow survived the destruction of Scilon. Even better, let there be a whole community of Scilonians who somehow survived the catastrophe, and make Vitae choose between going to live with them or staying behind with his love interest.
And remember, Vitae's pale, scarred, skinny body isn't unattractive or freakish in the least. In fact, it's quite hawt. All the Northern characters seem to think so.
Oh, and Vitae cries about his dead family and friends. A lot. And in public places where someone's sure to notice, especially Nathan, Yinda, or Sabine.
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Posted: Mon Nov 05, 2007 8:51 pm
Quite.
Also, Vampire-Ninja babies. You got that from the drunk Vincent Valentine comic in your favorites, didn't you? wink
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Posted: Tue Nov 06, 2007 7:01 am
Here's some for Threads of Fate:
The Professer only wants some loving! That's why he's bringing these people into his house, never mind the fact that the Fate Experiments are usually deathly ill by the time they get there!
The Professer never married. Ignore the multiple references to him being the Collecter's father; she was adopted. And Prototype #1 wasn't his wife, despite him saying so. It's a lie. Told by the government, of course!
Your character can totally be an experiment! I mean, it's not like it had severe reprecussions on the patients' bodies, after all! Ignore that fact that The Collecter winds up in the hospital on a regular basis; it's just her, and your character is much better then her!
Experiments 526a and 526b are not gay. At all. The sex is just because they're horny guys. Really.
The threads really don't need the person to be covered in markings where they originate; it's just a way to tell who the ezperiments are! Your character can dress like a slut and have perfect skin while still having the threads!
The sad thing is, I want to mock the people who do this, so I'm not going to go Anne Rice on them... *dramatic sigh*
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Posted: Tue Nov 06, 2007 11:32 pm
Ooare Also, Vampire-Ninja babies. You got that from the drunk Vincent Valentine comic in your favorites, didn't you? wink
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