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 Posted: Wed Dec 08, 2004 5:54 am
Hey, I'm new to the guild. Name is Manda-Chan.
Has anybody ever noticed that even when you'rehead over heels in love, or just plain happy is when you write some of the saddest poetry or stories? It jsut brings with it a whole new set of fears and pain. Like this little thing I wrote:
I think about you all the time
It drives me nuts
Because I feel like a desperado
A lovesick fool
An opposing force
I hate you
I love you
I’m so confused
You have no idea
You give me some sort of high
And when you’re away I hit an all time low
I hate you
I love you
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Posted: Wed Dec 08, 2004 6:45 am
That poem relly gets at the truth of the matter, doesn't it?
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The Bookwyrm Vice Captain
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Posted: Wed Dec 08, 2004 3:38 pm
you think so? I was hoping it did.
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Posted: Wed Dec 08, 2004 3:58 pm
Maybe I'm made of stone; that didn't move me or tell me anything. *Shrugs shoulders sweatdrop
Nice use of repetition and the simile of the desperado 3nodding
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The Bookwyrm Vice Captain
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Posted: Wed Dec 08, 2004 4:48 pm
Sephira_Kisi you think so? I was hoping it did.
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Posted: Wed Dec 08, 2004 8:42 pm
Hey guys, I'm back with a little more. i'm only doing excerpts, if you want the entire thing then PM and I'll send you my deviant site.
So where do I go from here,
You’ve done a fine job of what you set out to do,
You’ve ripped my heart out,
Crushed it beneath your feet,
Shattered it with your fist,
Like a stained glass wall,
I’m on the floor,
Bleeding,
Shattered,
Torn in two,
Shivering,
Shaking,
Laying with the broken pieces of my soul
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Posted: Thu Dec 09, 2004 8:04 am
The visual presentation is nice, because of the gradually shortening line lengths 3nodding (referring to the second part)
Some of the violent references disturb me slightly ( sweatdrop ), but I think you've depicted the emotions of the person (you?) very well!
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Posted: Thu Dec 09, 2004 8:18 am
Ameyami Some of the violent references disturb me slightly ( sweatdrop ), but I think you've depicted the emotions of the person (you?) very well! I'm sorry they disturb you, I was actually trying to capture the emotion of a friend that was having a really bad day, sweatdrop I find inspiration in some strange things.
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