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 Posted: Fri Aug 12, 2005 3:28 pm
I walked by her casket
Her skin was as pale as ice
She was surrounded by gifts
Yet I had none to give
All I could do was touch her hand
A way of telling her goodbye one last time
Her warmth--as well as her soul--was gone
Will I ever see my friend again?
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Posted: Fri Aug 12, 2005 6:25 pm
That was very sad, you were right. The simplicity worked well because the sadness was simple, in my opinion. I could relate to it; my grandfatehr died last month and it was open casket, so it was personally poignant to me. Well done.
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Posted: Fri Aug 12, 2005 7:11 pm
Wow. Very nice. Gave me the chills... In a good way.
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Posted: Sat Aug 13, 2005 12:56 pm
Thank you both for your comments.
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The Bookwyrm Vice Captain
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Posted: Sat Aug 13, 2005 12:56 pm
Death is always a very moving subject, and grieving poetry always has a way of reaching in and grasping one by the heart strings. We've all lost someone close to us at some point in our lives, and so we can relate to that. It's very simply written, but that's a bonus, in my opinion. Grief is always very complex, and there is no right or wrong way of expressing that.
I am confused about one thing, though, and that is the gifts piled around the casket. Would these simply be the flowers?
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Posted: Sat Aug 13, 2005 7:06 pm
Gypsy Blue Death is always a very moving subject, and grieving poetry always has a way of reaching in and grasping one by the heart strings. We've all lost someone close to us at some point in our lives, and so we can relate to that. It's very simply written, but that's a bonus, in my opinion. Grief is always very complex, and there is no right or wrong way of expressing that.
I am confused about one thing, though, and that is the gifts piled around the casket. Would these simply be the flowers? Actually, they were in the casket, and there were things like buttons, patches, and little things like that; small stuff that she liked. Her name was Patricia; she was sort of a goth, but she was friendly with everyone, and she and I were close friends. We went to school together and could talk about anything. I really miss her a whole lot.
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Posted: Sat Aug 13, 2005 7:16 pm
Thanks everyone for posting. Feedback is what keeps me writing!
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Posted: Sun Aug 14, 2005 3:31 am
Simple but effective. It really does portray a small agony and puts across a brilliant portrayal of loss. Your grief is evident, "I had none to give" seems to show that you feel helpless about the whole event.
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Posted: Sun Aug 14, 2005 11:51 am
Thank you. I appreciate your feedback. But I didn't have anything to put into the casket is what I meant. I gave a card to her parents.
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Posted: Fri Jun 01, 2007 11:33 pm
Wow, it really caught my attention. It's short, but it is because of this reason I like it. It's to the point, but it hits you. By ending it with a question, it strikes you because usually questions lead to more questions; with the question at the end, not only are you experiencing the emotion of grief, but also others such as hope.
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