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"Understand, I was in love with the girl... Or at least in lust."

That part on Amadeus reminds me of what I'm going through. I mean, of course it feels like sorts of love to me but I'm sure it's just lust since I don't know either of them that well.

You're waiting for me to explain more about the situation, right.

Anyway... I have a bad crush on two girls I'm not supposed to.

One is the bartender at my towns bar. (Yes, only a few small bars. It's a small city.) She's in her 30's and has a family and a daughter that is a few years younger than me. I know this because I've become friends with her. I used to leave her big tips and always waited for her when she's serving our tables but that's not why we became friends... One night after I meet a demon of my past, a woman who totally destroyed my childhood, I was outside the bar in the alley crying and ready to walk home by myself when she came out. She asked me what was wrong and I hid my face because I didn't want her to see me weak and pathetic. I told her anyway. She gave me good advice that it shouldn't matter what that woman did to me back then. That I had to look out for myself now. I don't even care to hate that woman anymore. She's nothing. But that's how we became friends. When I found out my bartender had a family and daughter about my age my crush sort of dissipated for a while. But it came back slowly. Whenever I'm there and she talks to me and smiles at me... I can't help but feel attracted to her. Maybe even more since she acknowledges me more than when she didn't know me.

Another crush... And this one is so terrible everyone will probably think me a fiend for even thinking about it. She's my brother's long term girlfriend. They've been together for months. She's so crazy and kind of dense. But when me and my brother talk about her when she's not around... It's all good. She laughs hard at things she finds cute or funny. As he says "She's full of life!" She's short, fluffy. She has glasses and long dark curly hair. stylish, definitely. She loves my brother so much too. As much as he loves her. I wonder why when I talk with her or when we all drink together I long for her. I want it to stop. She's not even interested in girls that way.

I don't know... Maybe I'm just unlucky for being attracted to straight girls? stressed

Love will find you when you least expect it, particularly when you have given up hope and doubt you'll ever find anyone. Trust me. I am the biggest pessimist in the world, but then I found Steph. I've trusted her with my heart for nothing but hers in return, and she's healed it.

I'm basically just reiterating what Kat already said, but just try to avoid those straight girls. Nothing good will ever really come out of it. You'll want to save your heart for a girl who's really worth it. You'll be glad you did, whether you've already been hurt in the past or not. It's true that what happened in the past isn't really important. Just keep looking ahead to the future. <3

I suppose the question really is, why is it so easy to fall for someone who is inappropriate? It happens all the time, in every sort of relationship, and it's never fun to deal with.

The barkeeper might be someone you just need to avoid being too close friends with if she's going to have that effect on you. It's tough, but sometimes distance is the thing that heals the best. I'm not advocating dumping her, just try to be less emotionally close to her. Easier said than done, but worth thinking about.

Your brother's girl friend is probably similar to the type of girl you are looking for, so you feel attracted. I suggest you learn from her what you are looking for, but don't try to get too close, you run the risk of losing her and your brother.