Welcome to Gaia! ::

Okay. First thing first, ignore my avatar person. This account actually belongs to one of my guy friends, and one of my friends and I commited total sabotage to it...

So yeah, I'm actually a normal girl, who happens to be using a sabotaged account. =] (He let me an my friend keep it to share after we sabotaged it. >.o )

ANYWAY! My problem. It's a really important problem, and it feels like it's taking up a lot of my thoughts and stressing me out majorly. And it starts... with Gaia.

So about a year ago, I joined this guild on Gaia. There was this guy in the guild as well, who I'll call 'Adrian'. Now, Adrian, who's a few months younger than me, and I became friends, and then good friends, and then the next thing I knew, he was all I thought about when I went to sleep at night.

Ever since, he's been the one I can always count on to talk to, and I even went through a rough time in which he was all that kept me from going insane.

Of course, I'm not one of thsoe girls who's going to risk getting kidnapped by some stalkerish person, so Adrain and I have agreed not to see each other in person, at least not for a long time.

But while Adrian was always there for me, and there was this connection with him like nothing I'd felt before, life went on. I started high school. And now, halfway through my freshman year, I've encountered the one problem I have found no easy solution to.

I was in science class, in about the world's most un-romantic setting--standing in front of the teacher's desk and turning my homework in. There was a boy turning in his homework at the same time, and I'll call him 'Matt'. Matt and I looked up at each other at the same time, and when he smiled at me, my heart just about went 'holy s**!'

So it's now a week later. Matt and I are becoming increasingly close pretty fast, and I see this relationship as potentially going somewhere. But I think you know what my problem is.

Adrian. Do I tell him about Matt, or not tell him? A little while after I met Adrian, I dated a guy and told Adrian about him, and Adrian was happy for me. But back then, we weren't as close as we've now become, and I don't think he liked me as more than a friend back then.

I'm afraid that telling Adrian about Matt will create a rift between us, and make him feel like he has to hold back. Because right now, it's pretty obvious both Adrian and I have liked each other for months now, and though we don't come outright and say it, we make it well known.

Though it may seem to you like I feel more for Matt, that's not the case. I feel for both of them, but in much different ways.

With Adrian, just seeing one of his posts or getting a message from his is like experiencing a miracle, and I guarantee you I have lain awake many nights, thinking of him. We're like soulmates, and he's perfect, ecxept for the minor/ginormous detail: he lives about an hour or two away from me, and I don't want to take a risk and see him, at least while I'm still a minor and can't take necessary precautions against, you know, the impossible chance he's a stalker. (But my friends agree--he obviously sounds fourteen, as he says he is. And he makes it common knowledge to all his Gaia friends that he's fourteen, not just to me.)

But how do I know that when, someday, I may look at at Adrian, he'll have the same effect on me? Will he take my breath away, like Matt does? Will I dream about his smile? Sometimes, just the thought of him sends this zing of electricity soaring through me, but not as much as it does with Matt. But is this only because I can see Matt in real life, and not Adrain?

So now I have to face a choice. I must decide whther or not to tell Adrian about Matt. And I know when I do, he'll feel obligated to hold back, adn i don't want that to make us less close--though I know he'll want to be close to me, and I'll want to be close to him. But then, once Adrain knows, will anything change between us?

Don't get me wrong. By saying that it's obvious Adrian and I like each other, I'm not implying anything inappropriate. Just things that imply how we feel here and there, but don't come completely outright and say it.

And furthermore, am I doomed to spent all of eternity, or at least until years from now, I see Adrain in real life, wondering if we'd make a good match, not just over messages, but in real life?

I haven't told Matt about Adrian, though. I don't plan to.

I won't let Adrian come between me and Matt. But I won't let Matt come between me and Adrian.

What to do?

But anyway, I've got to go. My dad says when he told me I could finish writing one message before going to bed, he didn't mean a great American novel. xD