Welcome to Gaia! ::

Just a disclaimer: I'm going to be honest. That means that even though I wish I could agree with you on some things, I don't, and I'm going to incorporate that into what I say. But please don't take it personally. I'm really just trying to help. biggrin

Love is a tough subject. A big reason for that is there are so many definitions for it that stretch out pretty far. "I love this game . . . I love my cat . . . I love my wife . . . I love this food . . . I love God." I think it's fair enough to say that the love you have for a food is different than the love you would have for your spouse. And that the love you have for your spouse is a different love than you have for God. Sometimes, it's hard to tell the difference between each feeling. For that reason, it's hard to know what "true love" in a relationship really is.

One solid fact is that we all need to be loved. As a child, we have a need to be loved by parents. We all desire to be loved by some of our peers. And, as human beings, whether we realize it or not, we desire to be loved by God. (That need, since it is often ignored, causes people to try and fulfill it through other means.) Also, we often desire to be loved by a person of the opposite sex, in an intimate way. This brings up the question: how often do we start romantic relationships only for ourselves? How often is our desire to be loved our sole motivation for "dating" someone? And how often do you find a relationship that is actually driven by one's selfless love for the special individual?

I look at our culture today, and I see a lot of sex. I see a lot of broken relationships. I see a rising divorce rate. I see a lot of lust, porn, masturbation, oral, a**l, vaginal sex. And when I look at all of that, I don't really see wicked sinners as much as I see broken and confused people wanting to feel loved. I believe that today, sex is not only driven by hormones, but by the need to fill up that empty hole designed for love from friends, family, and most importantly, God.

And so this is my question for you. How much true, selfless love is in your relationship? Does it go beyond both of you trying to feel loved? Does it go beyond what each of you get out of it?

Perhaps the reason why you're drawn to other men because you're not adequately filling that hole meant for love. You still desire to be loved, and what you're getting now isn't enough. Why is that? Perhaps because you're basing your relationship on what you can get from each other, instead of what you can give to one another. Also, because that hole isn't only for human love. The biggest part of it is love from God.

God loves you. More than you or I or anyone else can even understand or imagine. And we were all made to love and be loved by Him. And when we ignore that, the hunger still remains. And we try to fill it up, to no avail.

Of course, I am no mind reader. I do not know if any of this is hitting the mark. I honestly don't know your heart. Only you and God do. So this is what I ask. Evaluate your relationship, and your true motivations in maintaining it. Is it for you, or him? And where are you with God? Is your desire for men really the unfulfilled desire for God in disguise?

Thanks,

God Bless