|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Mon Dec 03, 2007 6:20 pm
About the Story:
It's kind of about real life, the main character and her emotions really reflect what I've been going through in the past couple of weeks. Of course some details had to be changed, and I did offend some of my friends after they read this because it was very bluntly about them.
All I can say is, I hope you like it.
Critique encouraged.
------------
Last One Out
Chapter One
“Closet Door”
I made another mistake, and brought myself into another series of hate. Lost, and confused, I walked to my first block class in a daze. My friends blurring into the background noise, and my thoughts filling up every vent of my attention. Thinking as always was harmful to me, almost dangerous bringing me to paranoid thoughts of distrust. My voice felt lost, I couldn’t even speak, my lips chapped together, as I stared down at the pale pavement, my red hair falling down into the corners of my frame of vision.
It had only been a week, since the incident and it seemed like a year of on going dramatics. Everywhere I turned, I was pushed to one side, demanded to choose, usually one of the not so popular opinions. I didn’t want to fight with anyone anymore; in fact, I was done with the idea of speaking ever again.
“Hey you!” I felt a rather large finger tapping my across the arm rather hard, and I couldn’t help but wince in the slight pain of shock. Sighing, I looked up with a not so convincing smile. It was the source, of my pain and confusion.
“Oh, hey.”
The figure was actually beautiful to me, his black hair swaying down into his face passing over his right eye. It was a wonder the boy could see half the time, but his faults I barely saw through my lust, my eyes moving back down ward in attempt not to meet his.
Another failed attempt on my part, as he grabbed my chin pulling my face back up to eye level. He had always been the kind of person to contain more than enough confidence to stand up a room of people and silence them, but there was always the negative. I had not been the first person, nor the last to notice his lust worthy appearance.
I blushed, my cheeks heating in his hands, and I could see that smirk creeping in the corner of his lips.
“Are you mad at me?” He finally asked, pulling me into a walk down the halls. I shook my head, even though I did have a fringe of anger towards the beautiful face. “You’re lying.” He concluded, his face turning to stone, and that was the side that only I knew. The side that no one else could ever know, but why did it have to be me out of the entire school? I knew no longer to question it, I figured in the end it would just equate to being my fault.
“I don’t like how you can read me like a book.” I muttered a bit more honestly, slowing down a step, so we could talk a bit longer. The English room was just around the corner and I knew that as soon as we sat down in our desks that no words would be exchanged between us for hours. At least not the kind of words I preferred, the words of lip and voice, in class he preferred to stay silent and pass me little shreds of paper that expressed his current passing feeling.
He gritted his teeth at me, glaring down at the ground of course I struck a nerve. Of course, I had ruined another good mood of his. He stopped, pulling me up against the wall pressing his lips rather roughly against the side of my neck. Forcing my scarf to fall down over my shoulders and hang limp over my bag. That had to be the first time I had noticed the small little spurts of hair on his chin that scratched up against my soft, gentle skin.
“Vicky.” His name barely escaped from my lips as I pushed him off of me, why did he have to keep doing this to me? How could I know one kiss, one motion of romantics and lust was truly sincere when I knew that before he had not interest in me, nor my gender.
“We have to get to class.” I muttered, as I watched his
His face fall in disappointment. He made me feel like a tool,
no, worst than a tool I was his closet door.
He glared over at me, pulling my scarf back around my neck tugging slightly as he did. No matter how much he said he was straight, how much he tried to convince me, he knew I didn’t believe him, and it pained him more than I could imagine. Whether it was because I was the first woman not to believe his deception or because he truly did desire me.
With that, we walked to class, it was silent the rest of the way there, and his mood not as sweet as usual. I had became use to this, in fact in had became part of my every day life. The stress that came with this thing I called his affection. This was the territory to being Victor Mann’s girlfriend, the man that wasn’t even sure if he wanted a girlfriend or not.
I slipped past him into class, he had already told all of his friends that we were going out. It had only been a week and I had found out that already half the school knew.
I had only told my best friend, Sahara who I was pretty sure would inform the rest of our little group of people. My eyes scanned the room, as I found my seat, it was in the back corner, right beside Sahara’s, who’s stuff was already laid out across the table.
Sahara was pretty, and not exactly shy. I remembered that she had actually scared me just a little bit when first met, the way she approached me at lunch and just sat down. It had been destiny that day because it had only turned out that we had almost every class together, and I had been too franticly nervous to even notice.
“Good Morning, Amira” Sahara laughed, making my name sound more like Amire than anything. Sahara and I were exact opposites in most things, her dark skin contrasted my extremely pale complexion and even beyond appearance we contrasted each other in many ways.
“Morning.” I whispered, I knew that my voice was barely audible to most people it just meant I got away with saying much more.
Sahara seemingly rolled her eyes at me, peering over at the perfect figure that had sat himself in the far corner from me. She knew very well that my love life hadn’t been a fairy tale, but she was also the one that helped me come to the realization that it was actually my fault.
Whether that had been her intention or not, it had happened that way through all of our talks and discussions.
“I think he’s gay.” I sighed, looking down pretending to be getting out my class work from my folder.
“Then break up with him. You knew before you two were even going out, I don’t know why…”
“He told me he was bi, that he really wasn’t interested in that. I believed him, I believed that he could be both, there’s a lot of people out there that are you know?” I cut her off, causing her merely to sneer her nose up at me. Unlike me, Sahara had always had a tinge of homophobic nature that had been beat into her in early development.
“I don’t know, I just don’t anymore. I’m so confused. Sometimes, all he wants is to be with me, and others, he’s just a jerk. I feel like I’m being used to hide him being gay.”
I shook my head, I felt Victor’s eyes on me and I decided that conversation had come to close, besides; I imagined his ex-lover would be entering the room soon, and that was always a fun time. Everyone one stare him down, look over at Victor, than at me and whisper among themselves. It didn’t help that he was the most flamebouent person in the history of West Ridge High.
“What have I gotten myself into?” I growled under my breath covering my face with my arms, maybe I should just get myself out while I still can, or was it really already too late?
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Dec 17, 2007 7:54 pm
very good start but it would have more depth if it told us more of your feelings that go with the actions.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Dec 31, 2007 8:08 pm
Yeah, I am thinking about going back and changing some names.
The next chapter is underway and like I said this is kindof based of real life. Well my friend figured out who she was and doesn't want to be named "Sahara" And honestly she can't really have that name because it's taken...*sweatdrops*
I hope to have the next chapter out soon though after I tweek this a bit more.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Jan 02, 2008 6:23 pm
well it is a nice piece so far but you want to watch out there were grammar errors and areas where the words didnt work and so i couldnt make it out, other than that its great! keep working!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Reply
