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Battle in the Night [excerpt from Finality of Infinity]

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The24thDarkAngel
Captain

PostPosted: Thu Dec 06, 2007 7:09 pm


“So she just killed your mom, hit you in the chest, and left you there to die?”
“That’s right. When I woke up, I told to myself that I would defeat her no matter what it took, I made an oath on?”
Shane got quiet and lifted his spear above his shoulder as he turned around. I was confused as to what he was so irritated over.
“Be on your guard.”
“Why?”
“We have visitors.” “Damn. Here, at this time of night? Shane, I really hope you’re ready. Hey, Maybe they’ll show us how to get out of the woods.”
“I don’t think these people are the kind to help us out of the woods Jon…”
“Yeah, I think they’re more the type to keep us in here.”
“Well then, I guess well need to fight our way out then. You ready, Jon?”
“Anytime your ready, I’m ready to go.” I said as I unsheathed my sword and prepared for battle. I decided to strike my sword on my shield so as to cause a flash of light. When my sword struck my shield, there was a flash of light and the loud clank of steel hitting steel. I counted at least 15 figures surrounding us in the woods, waiting for their opportunity to strike. I stepped backwards towards Shane until we were back to back.
“Shane, there are at least 15 people in the woods, most likely armed, and there’s probably more waiting. This might get ugly.”
“Hey, at least it can’t get any worse than this.”
“Shane, I’m sure it can and it probably will…” At the instant that I finished my sentence, I saw a figure fall out of the sky and lunge at me. As the figure fell, I lifted my sword and impaled the torso. I swung my sword and ripped my weapon from the attacker.

As he fell to the ground I turned around to see how Shane had been holding up. He had already defeated 4 enemies who were lying on the ground. When I looked back to face another foe, I realized that there were now 2 enemies facing me, and the enemy I had defeated was one of them. At that time, my fears were realized, my nightmares come true.

Our opponents were Shadow Puppets, and without defeating the Master, the Shadow Puppets would just spawn endlessly. I yelled to Shane to warn him.

“Shane! Watch out! Our enemies are Shadow Puppets! We can defeat as many enemies as we wish, but we’ll get nowhere! We have to defeat the Puppet Master if we want to get out alive!” As I warned Shane about our enemies, a Shadow Puppet came out of the trees above him and attacked him. Shane fought off the Shadow Puppet, but not before two more ambushed him and got him on his knees. I ran over to help Shane, and decapitated one of the Puppets and kicked the other off of Shane’s spear. In the process of helping Shane, I caught something out of the corner of my eye.
“Shane! I know what to do! You just need to follow my lead!”
“What!? Fine! Lets do it!”

I watched Shane cut down 2 enemies then proceed to attack another. "Shane! It doesn't matter how many of them you defeat, they'll just keep coming back until we kill
the Puppet Master! Now follow my lead and run with it!"

We ran into the woods deeper and deeper until we saw a man in a black cloak holding a marrionette figure, releasing a dark liquid into the ground. "My name is Jimmy. Pleased to make your aquaintance." He extended his hand as if to shake my hand. I drew my sword, poised to strike in a moments notice.

"What do you want Jimmy? What's in it for you if we die?"
"What's in it for me if you die? Well, thats simple, more power!!"Jimmy screamed as he unleased a wave of black aura through the woods, darkening everything around Shane and I. "Now you'll face my most devastating attack, Marrionette Mirage!"

"Shane, ready yourself. I have a feeling this is no mirage. Watch your back and be ready to stirke at a mom-"

Before I could even finish my sentence, I was battered across the clearing, rolling easily 20 feet after flying 10 feet through the air. I used my sword to balance myself as I rose to my feet, stunned by the sudden attack.

"Shane!? Did you see where that came from!? It's almost like it came from nowhere- Shane! Beneath you!" I saw movement below him, and before i could blink, it had grabbed onto him and launched him through the clearing, similar like the force had done to me. I watched as he flew, saving himself by impaling his halberd into a tree, stopping him from
smashing into the tree, and saving his life. It appeared that his halberd was stuck in the tree for good, but I knew Shane wouldn't lose it that easily. I watched him charge up a sort of lightning attack, but I knew it wouldn't go anywhere with his halberd impaled into the tree. I looked around to watch out for what had attacked us, and all of a sudden there was a huge flash, the tree in which Shane's halberd was trapped was splintered, and the
halberd had a golden glow, the likes of which I'd never seen before.

"Damnit! Now I'm REALLY pissed off! This guy's going to pay!" I watched Shane stab his halberd into the ground and dissapate the aura into the ground, but when Shane released his power charge, the darkness around him disappeared for a moment.

"Shane?! How'd you do that!?"
"Do what?"
"The halberd! All of the darkness dissappeared for a second when you stabbed it into the ground!"
"I just released the charge in my halberd. Its nothing special."
"Shane, that might be the key to winnin-"

I was stopped mid-sentence as I was attacked again by this force. I wasn't battered across the field, but pinned to a tree. I fought to release myself as I heard my

shield bend under the massive pressure being forced onto my body. As I fought to free myself, the force tightened it's grip on me.

"Shane!"
"What?"
"Theres only one way for me to get out of this, but I need your help."
"What's going on?"
"Whatever attacked us, it's got me now, and I've got the feeling it wants me dead. If my idea's right, you're going to have to attack me."
"What?!"
"Shane! Charge up your halberd and stab me, got it!?"
"Jon! You know if this doesn't work, you know what's going to happen right?"
"Heh. Better you then me right?"
"Idiot. What about Kelly? You're going to leave everything like it is now?"
"And what about Tye? And your mother? And even your father, your willing to let all of that go to waste, along with what you described to me?"
"Fine. You win. Goodbye Jon."
"Good luck Shane."

I watched Shane charge up his halberd as the force tightened stronger and stronger on me, and I began to lose conscienceness. I heard a buzzing sound, followed by a scream of anger. I watched my world become engulfed in a bright flash, knowing that Shane had done what I asked, and that he'd be the only one walking away from this. 'Too bad,' I told myself 'I'm sorry everyone.'

The next thing that I knew, I was on the floor coughing, my shield gone and my arm in pain, bleeding.

"Damnit Shane, did you have to put that much force into your attack?"
"If I haden't you'd still be on that tree dead. That thing took all the charge out of my halberd before it let go and fell to the ground turning to smoke."
"Yeah you killed my arm too, thanks."
"Well, are we done playing around? I'm kinda pissed off with nothing to vent on. I happen to see something moving in the woods about 200 feet to our left. So let's get things done!"

I got to my feet and dashed off into the woods towards our enemy, while Shane lay in wait for the chance to strike. I managed to get in front of the enemy.

"You've got no where left to run, Jimmy!"
"But don't I? You're in front of me, while theres nothing but trees behind myself.

Good call genius, but you've failed to corner me. Face it, you've failed."

Jimmy ran back to the clearing in an attempt to escape me. I lost sight of him after he ran through the clearing, worring that we'd lost him again. I yelled for Shane, letting him know that Jimmy was headed towards him.

"Shane! He's coming towards you! Get ready!"
"I already see him, and your right, he is coming towards me!"

I jumped into the tree on the edge of the clearing to see what had become of Shane and Jimmy. I heard Shane yell as i watched Jimmy plummet towards him, too surprised to move away from him.

"Your time is now! Lightning Drive!" Shane yelled as he took his charged halberd and made a full swing, catching Jimmy in the torso, sending him rocketing towards me.

"Jon! Finish it!"

I jumped into the air with my blade ready to strike down my foe. "You won't beat us. That cannot happen! Finishing Strike! Splitting Death!" I slashed Jimmy across his chest, leaving him to fall to the ground, as well as myself. When I landed on my knees, I looked over to Jimmy, to see whether or not he had survived our onslaught.

"I suppose I lost." Jimmy sputtered as he picked up his marrionette. "But my attack hasn't ended yet! Marrionette Massacre!" Jimmy crushed his marrionette doll into pieces, letting his head drop for the last time. We looked around only to see a massive number of shadow puppets appear in the woods around us.

"This looks like trouble, Shane. I can't fight much longer, I'm not as rough and tumble as you." I told him as I rose to my feet, readying to fight some more.

"Come on now, you took my Lightning Strike full on, you've got to have some fight left." Shane laughed as he readied his halberd for more.

"Flash Cutter!"
"Divine light, heal these wounds and these hearts!"

"What!?" Shane and I yelled at the same time, turning around to see Tye and Kelly emerge through a gap in the puppets, surely cut by Tye himself.

"Miss us?" Tye asked as he walked up to us.  
PostPosted: Sun Dec 09, 2007 6:41 pm



Wow, I'm impressed. Battle scenes aren't easy to do, and even more difficult to imagine (for me, at least), but you wrote this in a way anyone could understand without making it too simple. The "happy medium", ne? ^^

I see a few simple grammatical errors, though. Missing commas, for the most part. And also, Shane's name is repeated quite a few times, a little more than necessary, I think.

But besides that, good job my friend. ^^ Are you planning on adding to this series at all?

Sweetskies98494
Vice Captain


The24thDarkAngel
Captain

PostPosted: Sun Dec 09, 2007 7:03 pm


this is actuallay an exctory im currently writing
i wanted to see how this was viewed by others before adding more to the site, but ill prolly put what i have written of the story in the forum at some point in time, thought it will surely have ot be broken into chunks, because the story is currently 14 pages long in word, so ive got chunking to do
PostPosted: Thu Dec 13, 2007 3:28 pm


Oh mi, Oh my o:, what to say first?

All in all, it was very well thought out and executed. I know it’s tough to write out battle scenes with your characters moving about quite a lot. From my own experience I tend to have problems with it. But then again, I have problems, and I only have two characters X3. You had many in that one snippet O.o;.

I think you need to refine some of the details however. EXPESILLY when you have a lot of characters in one scene. I noticed Jon said “Shane” a wee too much. I’m guessing you put that in so people know who’s saying what to whom, but it will add to your story if you refined the details some more. That way, people know from the way your details bled who is talking and doing what.

I like how you showed how much thought you put into each character. Right down to attack moves. Characters with special attacks are hard to pull off without sounding corny to the extreme. You did a fine job Angel; I can’t wait to read more from you!

Bienks

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