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 Posted: Wed Dec 12, 2007 2:06 pm
Alright, so I've seen this from both sexes now, and it's really sad.
I'm sure a good number of us have at least a few friends who can only be described as geeks or nerds. Chances are we also have at least one who's undeniably desperate.
Now this is a safe bet, as your average geek (especially larpers) or nerd is either A) Ugly, B) Not socially adjusted, C) A prude, or D) Not a prude but only interested in other geeks and nerds because they're 'safe'. The latter applies, in my experience, more to females.
Now, if you're female with male friends who label themselves as geeks of any variety, chances are you'll know what I'm talking about. A cute girl joins a weekly D&D (or whatever) campaign and suddenly all of the guys are falling all over themselves to be socially inept at her, staring at her tits, too intimidated to speak at all, or possibly even trying to flirt.
Now the female has the unfortunate job of repelling their advances.
Well, it seems it works the same in reverse. Female gamers often fall under the same categories listed above, so when they find a guy who would willingly declare himself a geek, and isn't A) a disgusting sloib, B) unable to speak without drooling, C) unable to speak without going on for an hour about his WOW character, or D) Still living in his parents basement they're apparently as eager as the guys to put their feelers out for any sort of potential ...whatever it is creepy gamer girls do with their prey. o_O
Now don't get me wrong, I generally don't mind chicks who're forward enough to take the initiative to ask a guy out, but when they're *shudder* flirting the entire time, or after the first session, emailing you, IMing you, or just following you to the car to ask if you can get together again before next time, it can seem a little, well, sad.
Now assume that it's all three females in the group, each with their own annoying/unappealing quirks. And assume it's continued for several weeks without them taking the hint. It's a little overwhelming. it feels like you're the finish line of some freaky race.
Have you ever been in a situation like this, on either side?
What do you do to avoid hurting feelings and making the entire situation uncomfortable, considering even if you did like one of them, the others would still be ... [insert appropriate female reaction when having another chosen over you]?
What's more, even if they do understand that you're not interested, they'll still contact you incessantly, for god knows what reason, despite having nothing to say.
Am I the only one who knows geeks like this? The guys, ffs, will be trying to get something going with every female they know. One of the guys from the group was trying to set up dates with my ex-flatmate, a friend of hers, and two other chicks he met at our halloween party, all on the same night. Told them all he thought they were beautiful, and of course they'd all talked and said 'So and so said this to me, or Texted me to say ___." That just seems like bad form to me. Come on, dude, a girl probably likes to feel desired, but when you're after all of her friends too, it's got to be a little insulting. It's obvious that it's just because she's female. Not going to help your cause any.
...And slightly related, what do you do when there's someone just as crazy that you work with who tries to grab your junk AT work? How do you cope with the fact that you actually agreed to hang out with this person once in the past, only to discover that it was apparently a date, without your realizing it until too late. D: How do you make the terrifying individual understand that she's not going to get the sex. Ever. Because she's scary. And that no means no.
Do you have any other amusing-predicament-like-this stories to share in order to make me feel better?
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Posted: Wed Dec 12, 2007 2:18 pm
I am well known for being bitchy to my friends. My bestfriend is a dude, so when I met all his other geek friends I tried to be real nice so they wouldn't write me off as a b***h and never want to hang out with me again.
So we all went to dinner and I was chatting up a guy named Aaron.
Apparently, I was too nice.
So then he thought I was interested in him.
Well, when he found out I was going out with another guy, he flipped and said he hated me cuz I led him on.
Geeks are ******** weird.
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Posted: Wed Dec 12, 2007 2:22 pm
Quote: A) Ugly, B) Not socially adjusted, C) A prude, or D) Not a prude but only interested in other geeks and nerds because they're 'safe'. I'm sorry you think that. All. And I do mean ALL of my close friends are 'geeks' or 'nerds'. None. None. And I do mean NONE fall into those categories. (Do you really think that of me? I *might* be considered a D. but I've only been interested in two guys and that was cause of their personality. Hell. The second one is *barely* a geek/nerd.) So, trying to get past that bit of sterotyping... Not really, no.
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Posted: Wed Dec 12, 2007 2:30 pm
*points at post above* What Lydia said.
I also strongly reject the idea that geeks and nerds are one and the same:
The word geek is a slang term, noting individuals as "a peculiar or otherwise odd person, especially one who is perceived to be overly intellectual".[Wikipedia]
Nerd is a term often bearing a derogatory connotation or stereotype, that refers to a person who passionately pursues intellectual activities or esoteric knowledge rather than engaging in more social activities, such as organized sports. Therefore, a nerd is often excluded from physical activity and considered a loner by peers.[Wikipedia]
This is one rather malevolent definition of a Nerd, though. In my book, nerds merely pursue their individual goals that may or may not be different from the average person's interests and desires with more singleminded determination than other people.
Being ugly / socially inept etc. has nothing to do with that. Those traits may be associated with a nerd... though they can occur in any other person, too.
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Posted: Wed Dec 12, 2007 2:33 pm
I did not say all, but I'm a geek myself, and I'm basing this on the geeks I know and what I've seen at some of the worlds biggest gaming conventions. It's a generalization, yes, but I admitted as much. It was meant to be humourus, as most of us know geeks who are less than socially graceful.
If it wasn't a common stereotype, even based in some reason, people wouldn't be as against online dating or s**t like that. As it is they think, that person could be fifty, or that guy plays evercrack, he probably lives in his mother's basement. Where would we get such stereotypes if it wasn't true of a recognizable percentage of the population?
You know why you can say that? You probably don't have many 'close friends' who're just average.
Also, remember, I separated the concept of geek and desperate geek at the start of my post, so I think you're overreacting a little.
I love geeks. The not lacking in common sense or social graces geek chicks are awesome. But those others that you run into en masse at events like Gencon? Or gaming with my most desperate guy acquaintances? Not so great.
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Posted: Wed Dec 12, 2007 2:40 pm
Still, I've yet to run into a single geek or nerd like that. Actually, I take that back. I've run into one. And he's a jerk. But I've run into so many nice geeks/nerds that I still don't understand where the stereotype comes from. Quote: You probably don't have many 'close friends' who're just average 'Average' is such a subjective term. My version of an 'average' geek/nerd is based upon what my friends are. Fun loving, rather perverted, and can argue about the properties of infinity for hours on end.
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Posted: Wed Dec 12, 2007 2:47 pm
Well, back on topic, I have been hanging out with a fairly odd crowd, but never did I have any problems with unwanted advances from the geeks and nerds.
I have a stalker, though. He sometimes rides the train with me, but I only notice him when I get out, because then he will suddenly pop up walking by my side, telling me that I am beautiful, and that he wants to be with me and making more such nonsensical compliments... when I reach the bus, he falls back and heads off into another direction.
He does not scare me. He does not seem to be the aggressive type... he is not even repulsive save for the odd behaviour. He looks quite normal with a hint of some near-eastern inheritance. I'm taller than him, and if, for some odd reason, it came to a fight, I'd wager it would be pretty even... in the worst case.
I do not know how to behave when this happens... I merely walk on, keeping my eyes trained to my shoes. I can cope with adversity... but that...?
Weird.
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Posted: Wed Dec 12, 2007 2:49 pm
Cin, I am perfectly aware of the definitions and usage. It was meant as humourous commentary on a current situation.
As I said, I am both a geek and a nerd. I don't consider either a negative term. I'm proud to be both.
And yes, anyone can be ugly, lacking in social skills, etc, but in this case I'm referring to those certain classes of people.
Again, I never said that they were one and the same, I've just noticed that the same is often true of both, at least in my experience.
Whether (in these specific cases) geek/nerddom is a result of insecurities when it comes to appearance and social skills, or the inverse, varies from person to person. A lot of us turn to things like gaming, the internet,other social outcasts, when we realize that we're not as popular as other kids, or have tastes/issues that will get us mocked.
I use us to reaffirm that I consider myself a geek and am not attacking anyone who may be or may have friends who are geeks. I'm simply referring to a specific type.
Some of us are a little less than hygienic, or have difficulties talking to people in social situations because we're geeks. Whether it's because we're too busy sitting at the computer to bathe or just don't understand hygiene is debatable. When it comes to being comfortable talking to people, maybe we're shy or maybe we've just never been forced into social situations and forced to learn how to relate and interact with other people on a comfortable level.
There are a lot of geeks to whom these apply. It works both ways.
And when I say ugly, it's all relative, of course. I'm as much taking about the vampire larpers who wear the crushed velvet cloaks and cheap corsets that rarely fit well or flatter. Honestly, I'm more likely to find the clothes repulsive than the person, and when it comes to most of the larpers I know, here anyway, the personalities are what's ugliest.
So go ahead and assume that you know that I'm insulting everyone you know, and attacking your friends, defend your delicate sensibilities, but by assuming you've made as glaring a generalization as I have. You don't know what I find ugly, after all, what my experience has been with nerds and geeks, or how I feel about them in general.
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Posted: Wed Dec 12, 2007 2:56 pm
Lydia Trebond Still, I've yet to run into a single geek or nerd like that. Actually, I take that back. I've run into one. And he's a jerk. But I've run into so many nice geeks/nerds that I still don't understand where the stereotype comes from. Quote: You probably don't have many 'close friends' who're just average 'Average' is such a subjective term. My version of an 'average' geek/nerd is based upon what my friends are. Fun loving, rather perverted, and can argue about the properties of infinity for hours on end.
Most of my friends are much the same. We established that there was a duck hole on the table at a restaurant we were eating at, once, because there was a distinct absence of duck. I have too many cis, physics, math, etc majors and intellectuals as friends, for my own good. I love them for it. We'll bounce from the topology of donuts and coffee mugs to something entirely inappropriate, without so much as a second thought. This is how most intellectual groups of friends (often comprised of geeks and nerds) function.
But there are still the smelly awkward geeks out there, and they still want in my pants. And this is what bothers me.
Have you ever smelled the CCG room at Origins or Gencon? D:< You'll see what I'm referring to.
PS: It was meant to be amusing, not offensive. :p
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Posted: Wed Dec 12, 2007 3:00 pm
Ffaux Pas
So go ahead and assume that you know that I'm insulting everyone you know, and attacking your friends, defend your delicate sensibilities, but by assuming you've made as glaring a generalization as I have. You don't know what I find ugly, after all, what my experience has been with nerds and geeks, or how I feel about them in general.
Dearest enemy of mine, if you look at my post again you find I did no such thing... I gave a couple of definitions. Don't assume you know what I'm assuming... or how my mind works. Places dark and strange, remember?
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Posted: Wed Dec 12, 2007 3:02 pm
Cinerea Well, back on topic, I have been hanging out with a fairly odd crowd, but never did I have any problems with unwanted advances from the geeks and nerds.
I have a stalker, though. He sometimes rides the train with me, but I only notice him when I get out, because then he will suddenly pop up walking by my side, telling me that I am beautiful, and that he wants to be with me and making more such nonsensical compliments... when I reach the bus, he falls back and heads off into another direction.
He does not scare me. He does not seem to be the aggressive type... he is not even repulsive save for the odd behaviour. He looks quite normal with a hint of some near-eastern inheritance. I'm taller than him, and if, for some odd reason, it came to a fight, I'd wager it would be pretty even... in the worst case.
I do not know how to behave when this happens... I merely walk on, keeping my eyes trained on my shoes. I can cope with adversity... but that...?
Weird.
Aha! Now I know your weakness! >.>
And considering I've seen a picture or two, you can't just disregard it.
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Posted: Wed Dec 12, 2007 3:02 pm
Ffaux, your point was lost in your tl;dr post.
Everyone else, he was only asking for you to share some stories about insane girls/guys who won't take no for an answer. That said, I have never had trouble trying to fend off guys or girls. Lucky me.
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Posted: Wed Dec 12, 2007 3:06 pm
Ffaux Pas
Aha! Now I know your weakness! >.>
And considering I've seen a picture or two, you can't just disregard it.
I don't know whose pictures you found, then, but let me assure you, things my size are not beautiful. Things my size are impressive, if nothing else. Or maybe I got that last sentence of yours wrong...
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Posted: Wed Dec 12, 2007 3:11 pm
Cinerea Ffaux Pas
So go ahead and assume that you know that I'm insulting everyone you know, and attacking your friends, defend your delicate sensibilities, but by assuming you've made as glaring a generalization as I have. You don't know what I find ugly, after all, what my experience has been with nerds and geeks, or how I feel about them in general.
Dearest enemy of mine, if you look at my post again you find I did no such thing... I gave a couple of definitions. Don't assume you know what I'm assuming... or how my mind works. Places dark and strange, remember?That was actually directed more at Lydia who was defending her friends who were not under attack. :p
Fallen, there's very little I hate more than the phrase tl;dr. To me it implies a laziness that there's no excuse for. If you read the first two sentences and aren't interested in continuing, don't. If it just looks longer than you're in the mood to deal with at the moment; don't read it. It's that simple.
But I really don't get the point of replying to something to say that it's too long. If the person put the time and effort into typing something, respect that. You don't have to read it, you don't have to care, but chances are it's as long as it is for a reason. Chances are it's that long because it needed to be to include everything they wanted to say in the style they wished to say it.
It's one thing to advise someone to be a little more concise, it's even better to be concise in some things, but here in this guild, I expect people to type as much or as little as they like. And I hope the rest of you are mature enough not to ridicule people, intelligent enough to understand that saying tl;dr often just makes you look bad and makes the poster feel like they've wasted their effort, or ambitious enough to read the slightly long post. Otherwise you may as well refrain from commenting. Especially on length.
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Posted: Wed Dec 12, 2007 3:13 pm
I often thought myself as being ugly, yet my girlfriend and a few other girls have told me that I look and I quote "cute". Really the only physical attraction going for me is my blue eyes, which you don't see easy thanks to my glasses. All of my friends are geeks to some point, but none of them I would consider ugly or socially exempt. It is more like people don't want to be with us, unless it is to make fun of us.
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