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My Ending to a Play (Drama/Tragedy)

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Which ending do you like better?
  Normal (the one where neither of them die)
  Alternate Ending (the one where they both die)
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cimorene369

PostPosted: Sun Dec 16, 2007 9:55 pm


Girl: You stole my will to live.
Boy: I never meant to.
Girl: How well did you think that would hold up?
Boy: Well, considering the circumstances.
Girl: What circumstances?
Boy: You about to kill me.
Girl: Kill you? What do I have to live for? You took it all.
Boy: Then what are you planning to do?
Girl: (points dagger to herself) Like I said, “What do I have to live for?”
Boy: You look a little too sure of yourself to really be thinking about suicide. Think of everything good in life. What do you gain out of suicide and why am I here?
Girl: I wanted to show you how you finished your work, since I won’t get to see the end of mine.
Boy: What do you mean?
Girl: You’ll know. (tries to kill herself, boy takes the weapon)
Boy: You can’t kill yourself.
Girl: Why can’t I? I have nothing to live for anymore.
Boy: You don’t have to have a purpose.
Girl: But I did have purpose, then you came and took it as your own.
Boy: Sorry.
Girl: “Sorry” that’s all you can say.
Boy: What am I supposed to say? What am I supposed to do?
Girl: We could have been partners, but you had to take all the glory alone. You could have noticed someone else trying. It wasn’t only me.
Boy: We could still be partners.
Girl: It’s too late for that.
Boy: Look, I know what you want to be, and you were on you’re way to it too, but please, just because I took your place on top, doesn’t mean you have to go suicidal.
Girl: When I had the glory, I was willing to share it. I let you into my world, and you kicked me out. Never once have you helped someone who didn’t ask you nor thank me for letting you up. You didn’t help anyone who was trying to have something you have. Don’t give me that “I’ll change.” Prove it to me soon, or I’ll be taking that dagger.
Boy: Thank you.
Girl: Your welcome. Now do something I didn’t directly tell you to do.
Boy: I am going into town and destroying this dagger.
Girl: Nice try, but there are other daggers. (Waits a second) Why are you still here? Why do you want me to live so badly? What am I to you?
Boy: Here (Holds out dagger to girl) take it. (girl takes dagger) In death, know you have changed me. In death, know I loved you, but most of all know in death, you killed me too. The dagger that killed you I shall take from your lifeless hands it too will kill me. (Drops to the ground crying)
Girl: Do I truly wish to take my life? Do I really mean that much to him? (drops dagger and goes to comfort boy) I’m not going. I didn’t know I meant this much to you. I’m sorry I scared you. In life, I mean more to others than I do myself. I was selfish. Thank you. My life is only worth living for others now, so don’t bail on me.
Boy: I won’t. (pulls her up and hugs her) Trust me.

Alternate Ending
Boy: Here (Holds out dagger to girl) take it. (Girl takes dagger and kills her self with it, boy doesn’t see.) Just know, in death you have changed me. Know I loved you, even in death. But most most of all know in death you killed me too. The dagger that killed you I shall take from you lifeless hands it too will kill me. (kills himself)
PostPosted: Mon Dec 17, 2007 2:45 pm


cimorene369
Girl: You stole my will to live.
Boy: I never meant to.
Girl: How well did you think that would hold up?
Boy: Well, considering the circumstances.
Girl: What circumstances?
Boy: You about to kill me.
Girl: Kill you? What do I have to live for? You took it all.
Boy: Then what are you planning to do?
Girl: (points dagger to herself) Like I said, “What do I have to live for?”
Boy: You look a little too sure of yourself to really be thinking about suicide. Think of everything good in life. What do you gain out of suicide and why am I here?
Girl: I wanted to show you how you finished your work, since I won’t get to see the end of mine.
Boy: What do you mean?
Girl: You’ll know. (tries to kill herself, boy takes the weapon)
Boy: You can’t kill yourself.
Girl: Why can’t I? I have nothing to live for anymore.
Boy: You don’t have to have a purpose.
Girl: But I did have purpose, then you came and took it as your own.
Boy: Sorry.
Girl: “Sorry” that’s all you can say.
Boy: What am I supposed to say? What am I supposed to do?
Girl: We could have been partners, but you had to take all the glory alone. You could have noticed someone else trying. It wasn’t only me.
Boy: We could still be partners.
Girl: It’s too late for that.
Boy: Look, I know what you want to be, and you were on you’re way to it too, but please, just because I took your place on top, doesn’t mean you have to go suicidal.
Girl: When I had the glory, I was willing to share it. I let you into my world, and you kicked me out. Never once have you helped someone who didn’t ask you nor thank me for letting you up. You didn’t help anyone who was trying to have something you have. Don’t give me that “I’ll change.” Prove it to me soon, or I’ll be taking that dagger.
Boy: Thank you.
Girl: Your welcome. Now do something I didn’t directly tell you to do.
Boy: I am going into town and destroying this dagger.
Girl: Nice try, but there are other daggers. (Waits a second) Why are you still here? Why do you want me to live so badly? What am I to you?
Boy: Here (Holds out dagger to girl) take it. (girl takes dagger) In death, know you have changed me. In death, know I loved you, but most of all know in death, you killed me too. The dagger that killed you I shall take from your lifeless hands it too will kill me. (Drops to the ground crying)
Girl: Do I truly wish to take my life? Do I really mean that much to him? (drops dagger and goes to comfort boy) I’m not going. I didn’t know I meant this much to you. I’m sorry I scared you. In life, I mean more to others than I do myself. I was selfish. Thank you. My life is only worth living for others now, so don’t bail on me.
Boy: I won’t. (pulls her up and hugs her) Trust me.

Alternate Ending
Boy: Here (Holds out dagger to girl) take it. (Girl takes dagger and kills her self with it, boy doesn’t see.) Just know, in death you have changed me. Know I loved you, even in death. But most most of all know in death you killed me too. The dagger that killed you I shall take from you lifeless hands it too will kill me. (kills himself)


Err, first ending is a drama and second ending is a tragedy. Neither one interest me, nor will gain the ability to interest in this dimension, alternate dimensions, or in the new future or future of dimensions

hideyyo


cimorene369

PostPosted: Mon Dec 17, 2007 3:03 pm


I have a few comments and questions.

arrow Why do you think my writing will not impress anyone?

arrow Is there anything obvious that you would change about it?

arrow I am sorry that my post is not labeled correctly.

arrow I do not mind hearing that my writing sucks, as long as there is a reason.

arrow Do you have any constructive criticism for me?

heart Thank You for Your Time heart

domokun Anyone Can Answer These Questions domokun
PostPosted: Mon Dec 17, 2007 8:37 pm


I never said that your writing would not impress anyone. My brain is wired differently and my synapses fire differently. I think in a higher level of thought, so for some odd reason this holds no love that I have in the writing arts. I would make it less like the droning story of the woman being angry at the man for breaking her heart. Your post is indeed labeled great and correctly, because it draws attention. Start writing more is my only constructive criticism for you.

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PostPosted: Tue Dec 18, 2007 5:51 pm


Actually, I like that. You should write the whole play.  
PostPosted: Tue Dec 18, 2007 8:21 pm


She did write the whole play, but only posted the ending. stare

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cimorene369

PostPosted: Thu Dec 20, 2007 9:50 am


Yeah, I did write whole play, but the rest is really boring and long, and it drones on and on and on and on and on. I want to rewrite it, but I can not get myself to do it.
PostPosted: Tue Jan 01, 2008 1:38 am


Ah, ok. Maybe do some reisions and then post. I would like to read it, even if it is long. Maybe email it to me?  

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cimorene369

PostPosted: Wed Jan 02, 2008 6:40 pm



When I make all the revisions, which will take a long time, I will post it.
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