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 Posted: Thu Dec 20, 2007 12:02 pm
Some jokes I got sent. Thought I'd share them.
THE SILENT TREATMENT
A man and his wife were having some problems at home
and were giving each other the silent treatment.
Suddenly the man realized that the next day he would need his wife
to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on
a Piece of paper,"Please wake me at 5:00 AM ." He left it where he knew
she would
find it. The next morning the man woke up, only to discover itwas 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight.
Furious, he was about to go to see why his wife hadn't wakened him when
he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM.Wake up."
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding
anniversary!
The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone
that reads, 'Here Lies My Wife -- Cold As Ever'!"
"Yeah?" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone
that reads, 'Here Lies My Husband -- Stiff At Last'!"
Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast
table.
Husband gets up in a rage and says, "And you are no
good in bed either," and storms out of the house.
After some time he realizes he was nasty and
decides to make amends and rings her up.
She comes to the phone after many rings, and the irritated husband
says, "What took you so long to answer to the phone?"
She says, "I was in bed."
"In bed this early, doing what?"
"Getting a second opinion!"
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Posted: Thu Dec 20, 2007 9:00 pm
rofl i got those in an email too! man, those are bad, but hilarious.
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Skeksys Beau Pre Vice Captain
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Posted: Fri Dec 21, 2007 6:06 am
*grumbles about male bashing jokes being far too numerous*
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Posted: Fri Dec 21, 2007 9:24 am
Well don't complain. There are more blond jokes then there are men bashing jokes.
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Dyke in Shining Handcuffs
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Posted: Fri Dec 21, 2007 1:22 pm
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Posted: Fri Dec 21, 2007 2:50 pm
the virgin joke
Body: virgin girl is on the phone and asks her boyfriend to come
over and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a
big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that
after dinner, she would like to go out and make love
for the first time.
* * * * * * * * *
Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex
before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get
some condoms. He tells the pharmacist it's his first time and
the pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour.
He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and
sex.
* * * * * * * * *
At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many
condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family
pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he
thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.
* * * * * * * * *
That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents
house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm
so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!"
* * * * * * * * *
The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table
where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly
offers to say grace and bows his head.
* * * * * * * * *
A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer,
with his head down.
* * * * * * * * *
10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.
* * * * * * * * *
Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the
girlfriend leans over and whispers to the
boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious."
* * * * * * * *
The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your
father was a pharmacist."
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Dyke in Shining Handcuffs
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Posted: Fri Dec 21, 2007 3:43 pm
All these jokes are very amusing... And, to comment on Skeksys' post, I think there's probably about 50/50 men-bashing v women-bashing jokes.
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Posted: Sat Dec 22, 2007 3:31 am
@Dyke: hehe, I've had that one before but it always makes me smile.
I'd like to see a proper woman bashing joke. (note to Cara, woman bashing, not blonde joke)
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Skeksys Beau Pre Vice Captain
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Posted: Sat Dec 22, 2007 11:16 am
hmm well I know I have heard a few -most out of my father's mouth- but most are not tasteful at all and have something to do with a woman's place. I am not going to repeat them.
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Posted: Sat Dec 22, 2007 11:21 am
If I find one, I'll post it here! I'm sure they're not too hard to find... stare
EDIT: I did just find this one, although it did make me laugh... I don't think it's that bad.
A woman sat on a plane heading for New York, when the pilot announces that because of difficulties with the plane's engines, he must make an emergency landing.
The woman, fearing that this may be the end of her life looks over to a man sitting next to her and rips her shirt and bra off, and throws herself on him. "Make me feel like a woman again!" she screamed.
So the man rips his shirt off and hands it to her. "Iron this."
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Posted: Sun Dec 23, 2007 12:59 am
That ones a good example. (note to Skeksys, I've only ever read one blond joke about a man.)
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Posted: Sun Dec 23, 2007 1:26 pm
It is a pretty good joke. Not really sure about women bashing considering the punchline but it would come very close even under the worst critic's eyes. I still think there are far more male bashing jokes than the other way round.
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Skeksys Beau Pre Vice Captain
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Posted: Wed Dec 26, 2007 3:25 pm
just some others i got in an email:
CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles.
The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.
He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.
She directs him down the correct aisle.
A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of
string on the counter.
She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for
your wife?
He answers, "You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the
store
to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco
and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper.
So, I figure if I have to roll my own ......... so does she.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
UNDERSTANDING WOMEN (A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
I know I'm not going to understand women.
I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,
pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,
and still be afraid of a spider.
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Posted: Thu Dec 27, 2007 1:44 pm
^ those ones are great!
and @ Skeksys: that's just because us women are far more bitter xd
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Skeksys Beau Pre Vice Captain
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Posted: Sun Dec 30, 2007 11:15 am
Evidently. It's so sad. This is something I would say is woman bashing: 
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