I realize this is awful and rapes cannon on so many levels. I hope you get a kick out of this lameness. Boogiepop should destroy it for being a threat to the world, along with anyone who likes the pairing KiyomaroxSherry. 'Cause seriously, that pairing is worse than this one.
On with the awfulness!
Spooky E was feeling lonely. He was obese, ugly, and had not a single fangirl.
He sighed, and pulled out a razor and began to cut himself, huddling under the electromagnetic sheets that he had lay out on the bed of the hotel room. He'd gotten the honeymoon suite— not that he asked for it— in a terrible precursor to the hot, steamy yaoi that was to take place that night.
"Ow!" he said as he made the first cut into his layer of protective blubber. He tossed the razor out the window. It was far too painful to cut because the razor was rather… sharp.
Spooky Electric sighed. It was hard, making Camille's life miserable and pushing her around, going so far as to add Teletubbies wallpaper to brighten up her drab apartment while laughing maniacally because she'd modestly and humbly whispered that Spooky E hadn't been loosing weight not because the Jenny Craig meals were defective but because he had ingested ten times what Ms. Craig's program had recommended he eat.
Why did Camille have a boyfriend and not him? Spooky E wouldn't admit it, but deep down, he was jealous. He wanted a boyfriend, too.
Spooky E swore to God if that whore Camille even looked like her gag reflex was triggered in a very normal reaction for humans, synthetic or not, by the sight of him in his custom-made imitation Billy-Blanks-on-the-job-at-Tae-Bo-spandex when he made her watch him work out, he would buy a yaoi calendar and copy the picture of Masaki Taniguchi he found in Camille's school yearbook about fifty times, cut his head off and paste it on at least one of the yaoi boys on every page.
And the calendar would be for 2007, making it totally useless! Oh, the evil!
Suddenly delighted by how deliciously evil and lacking of morals he was, Spooky Electric decided he wanted to put on his spandex go to the gym on the level below the lobby and work out. After using oil to slide into the not-stretchable-enough fabric, he jiggled out of his room down to the gym.
***
After five minutes of intense working out, meaning going at the slowest speed possible on the treadmill, Spooky E was exhausted. The workout facilities were sure better than the blender and engine he had used to workout/pick up chicks at Motel Six. He actually got a pretty lady's number instead of the usual one-night of love with a fat hippie chick from Motel Six that was there to sell weed behind the motel from inside a van resembling the Mystery Machine. The pretty woman's name was Pissanya Seltinavitz, had breasts larger than Spooky Electric's own, and her number was 1-800-799-4889, or so he'd known before he lost the paper.
Spooky E's eyes welled up with tears. "Pissanya!" he called out, realizing the name Pissanya sounded a whole lot like 'Piss on ya', and it had been a joke name. The number had probably been a fake, too.
He lumbered into his hotel room covered in sexy sweat which not only made him smell disgusting but made his rolls upon rolls of lard glisten with an enticing light. As soon as he walked in, he turned around to shut the door, which he'd had to walk sideward to get through.
"Spooky Electric," said a voice from the direction of the large bed, "Look here."
Spooky E turned around to see none other than Jin Asukai lying on the bed. Standing in the entrance to the room, Spooky E studied Jin Asukai's apparel from his toes to head. He was wearing no shoes or socks, but he wore neat, unwrinkled white suit pants. The belt around his waist was unbuckled, hanging uselessly from the belt loops. Jin was not wearing the usual sky blue sweater under his white suit jacket, nay; under that jacket he was shirtless. Spooky E could clearly see his beautiful pectoral muscles and his finely chiseled abs from the opening in his jacket. (If Masaki looked like this without a shirt, Spooky E now understood why Shinjirou Anou was gay for him.)
"You're the Imaginator!" Spooky E gasped, referring to Jin by the name he had assumed, which really belonged to a transparent floating girl. He licked his fingers, charging up his electricity to attack Jin, regardless of how attractive he looked sprawled out on top of the electromagnetic sheets.
"Not so fast," Jin said before Spooky E could reach him. "I'm not here to fight you," he said calmly. "I'm Jin Asukai, but you, Spooky Electric, can call me Jin. I'm interested in your long stem and how it can be used..." He looked at Spooky E's chest to the image of his flower, which indeed had a lengthy stem, covered in thorns. "…your long, horny stem," Jin finished, looking down at another part of Spooky E's body.
Jin hoisted himself off the bed and placed his lips over the synthetic human's. He made an attempt to wrap his arms around Spooky E's body, but couldn't exactly reach all the way around.
Spooky Electric blinked. Never before had anyone been so forward to him… except for maybe a few hobos who smelt the traces of lunch that had lingered on his breath after the meal.
As Jin ended the kiss, the obese man realized that now was the perfect time to attack Jin, but he could not bring himself to do it. He'd never been held in his life, and he realized that he wanted it more than ever, especially from this man, this Jin Asukai. He wrapped his arms around the other man, almost crying. "J-jin…"
"Don't worry," Jin said. "Tonight, I shall make your flower whole tonight… in bed." His lips met with Spooky Electric's once more, and the two fell onto the bed.
Jin pulled off Spooky E's spandex, running his hands over his sexy, sweaty flab and nibbling at his multiple chins.
Spooky E, all the while kissing Jin, unbuttoned the man's pants and
CENSORED
The authoress would not like to give you any bad mental pictures, or develop them herself. Besides, this is a PG-13 site, meaning no explicit yaoi. Besides, who wants to see that? 0-o *so isn't getting banned for writing a bad joke fic*
***
The authoress would not like to give you any bad mental pictures, or develop them herself. Besides, this is a PG-13 site, meaning no explicit yaoi. Besides, who wants to see that? 0-o *so isn't getting banned for writing a bad joke fic*
***
The Imaginator hovered outside the window, wincing as she watched the hawt-yaoi-action. Jin had told her he was going in to ask about reservations at the restaurant in the lobby, not get it on with a fat guy.
"I really need to get a hobby," the floating, transparent girl known as the Imaginator said, shielding her eyes.
"I would say you should," said a cloaked figure standing on the roof across from the hotel. The cloaked figure, Boogiepop, who had just made the terrible mistake of looking in the window, gagged on a reflex he didn't know he had. The shinigami continued, "That way, you'd have something better to do than threaten the world, and I could invite you to dinner at the restaurant in the lobby."
"I'll take up crocheting, then," the Imaginator said. "Would eight be good?"
Some rather OOC BoogiepopxImaginator at the end there. For you, Rains on Friday.
Wasn't that terrible and OOC? Good. It was supposed to be. Oh, by the way, you can't sue me for making you vomit, loose your eyesight or making you attempt to kill yourself. I warned you up front.
