Welcome to Gaia! ::

Reply Poetry
It's Just What Happens When You Run

Quick Reply

Enter both words below, separated by a space:

Can't read the text? Click here

Submit

hospitalflowers

3,750 Points
  • Conversationalist 100
  • Forum Regular 100
  • Invisibility 100
PostPosted: Sat Jan 05, 2008 9:17 am


Okay, so, I don't know if this is going to be lyrics, or just a poem, or what. I just felt like I needed to post something again, because, it's been like, forever. Lol, well, anyways, I wrote this last night, like around midnight. xD It made a lot of sense at the time, and I think it still does make sense, but maybe you won't. Oh well, here it is.

Turn, turn, just keep turning.
No one's there, you're on the run.
Burn, burn, your legs, they're burning.
It's just what happens when you run.

Wheels, wheels, wheels are turning.
Inside your head, thoughts are churning.
Years, years, years you're earning,
A life long sentence of imprisonment.
Burn, burn, your lungs, they're burning,
It's just what happens when you run.

Fame, fame, fame is turning,
Your face is recognized wherever you go,
The deaths of innocents are at their toll.
Hey--it's just what happens when you run.

Turn, turn, just keep turning,
They're there! They're there!
They're on your tail!
They're there! They're there!
And, worse yet, they're armed with guns!

Gears, gears, gears are turning,
Thoughts are churning.
Years you're earning.
Legs and lungs, both are burning.
It's just what happens when you run.

Two paths and one decision,
You draw your weapon, they draw theirs.
A shot rings out, loud and clear...
Your heart is burning, burning, burning.
Well, it's just what happens when you run.

[edited]
PostPosted: Sat Jan 19, 2008 1:24 pm


Wow, that was really intense. I really, really like this poem (or song, if you so choose) and thought it had a wonderful rhythm to it. The use of punctuation was very effective and the repetition added a great deal to the rhythm of the piece as well as allowing for a nice tie that holds it all together.

The only line I thought sounded awkward was the "And it's seriously, kicking your a**.' though I can't quite put my finger on why. I suppose it's because all the other lines had a close rhyme like quality at the end of each line and that one seemed to not fit into that pattern.

Even so, I thought this was a wonderful piece- it was very well done and as I already said really intense to read. Great job!

Cereah
Crew


hospitalflowers

3,750 Points
  • Conversationalist 100
  • Forum Regular 100
  • Invisibility 100
PostPosted: Sat Jan 19, 2008 1:48 pm


Cereah
Wow, that was really intense. I really, really like this poem (or song, if you so choose) and thought it had a wonderful rhythm to it. The use of punctuation was very effective and the repetition added a great deal to the rhythm of the piece as well as allowing for a nice tie that holds it all together.

The only line I thought sounded awkward was the "And it's seriously, kicking your a**.' though I can't quite put my finger on why. I suppose it's because all the other lines had a close rhyme like quality at the end of each line and that one seemed to not fit into that pattern.

Even so, I thought this was a wonderful piece- it was very well done and as I already said really intense to read. Great job!

Yeah, I know, I need to fix that one line. >.<
Reply
Poetry

 
Manage Your Items
Other Stuff
Get GCash
Offers
Get Items
More Items
Where Everyone Hangs Out
Other Community Areas
Virtual Spaces
Fun Stuff
Gaia's Games
Mini-Games
Play with GCash
Play with Platinum