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FAT: A poem by your's truly.

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Vanadia Gold

PostPosted: Wed Jan 16, 2008 7:12 pm


Quote:

the only beauty in your eyes
is the slick shine of so many lies
you dreamed and dreamed
and lied and schemed
pretending has only got me so far

cut away another bit,
another day, another minute,
a few more years, fight those fears
repair all that wear and tear
turned burning eyes to all the lies
a torch to the trees
ripped away another bit
stripped away a few more days

every bite I take
is just another huge mistake



All right, dolls, rip it apart.
PostPosted: Thu Jan 17, 2008 2:17 pm


Needs moar punctuation. Otherwise it reads in an awful way that involves Ace Ventura-style talking. A line break does not equal a pause in poetry.

Prince Starchild

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