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 Posted: Tue Jan 22, 2008 9:52 am
So im going to start this, right away. A few warnings though:
1. I might misspell things, not on purpose but just because i was writing quickly. I dont like to do it and often correct myself later on when i re-read what i wrote.
And 2. Please note that im bi, and even though i normally dont chat about it, i might talk about someone i like and it might not be a sexual gender you find i should like, but oh well.
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Posted: Tue Jan 22, 2008 10:06 am
On the doorway to Paradise? surprised
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Posted: Tue Jan 22, 2008 10:22 am
So the 14th was my birthday. And near the end of that day i thought this year was going to be exactly like last year.
I started noticing things, that i was being considered easily persuaded to do other things that i might normally not want to do on my birthday like the fact that me and my mother were planning on seeing a movie and i wanted to see Will Smith in that I Am Legend movie. It is my birthday and i was told i could see anything i wanted. But mom didnt find it interesting enough and she probably knew that i would change my mind..For her because i always do that, i hardly ever do the things i want to because i am a sucker when it comes to other peoples wants and feelings.
We went to see Enchanted..And that was alright besides the fact that now that we were seeing that movie mom had asked me if Lynn and my sister should come, and of course i said i didnt mind. Hell, it was only my birthday and i was turning 20, going to see a disney movie that didnt have pirates in it, and with two people who i always see, everyday, and could easily make this day not so good. Not Lynn, she is nice, but my sister. She is at that stage when she wants something she makes for it so much.
We use to play Legos and use the Hamtaro characters as ours. We would have such great time, creating stories, changing our voices for different characters, we would even role play while we were laying down to go to bed, it was nice..But now she is 13 and im 20, meaning we played together when i was pretty old <.<
Still, the movie went alright even though the two added people were now stuck with us for a while. Before the movie we did go out to eat, Red Lobster, just me and my mom and that alright, everything was alright at the moment. But we had planned on going bowling later.
Before that though we stopped at a grocery store and the three had somehow thought that i wanted an ice cream cake, thought it without asking me if i did. But i didnt stop them, even though cake wasnt something i fancy. I am about making sure other people are happy at no risk to my own feelings, your probably thinking "Damn Emo, its just a cake!" And i dont blame you, small things like a cake, besides having this done to me with larger and probably smaller things to a cake for the longest time and me allowing it to happen.
They got 2 cakes and i did have a piece when we got home. I ate it alone in my room i believe. Now i probably thought this was just some bad birthday, better compared to other ones when we didnt do anything, but not as good as most people got. And my dad hadnt sent me anything, for my birthday or for Christmas, just like last year though we had spoke before the holiday and he said he was sending me something...By this time i wasnt really happy with him..
Back to the night. I wanted my sister to go bowling, because even though she is her in her own way i still have been getting along with her at times. She bought a DDR recently and we have played that a few times. But get this, when it was time to go, and after her saying she would, she stayed home on my birthday to talk to her boyfriend who lives all the way in Maryland. One of those internet boyfriends..She said: "I have homework to do." But we all knew that wasnt the reason, Lynn said she had one bloody problem to do in her book.
I was a little hurt and this was when i knew that my birthday was just another day. It wasnt anything special to these people because i didnt make an effort to make it special for myself. I let everyone else get what they want. I even sat in the back seat of the car so everyone else could use the front seat.
I was depressed, big surprise, it happens like once or twice a week. When we got to bowling i had acted happy and one of the first things i did was go get drinks for me and Lynn instead of seeing if they wanted to get me anything. I didnt get my mom one because she was undecided on what she wanted to drink.
I was waiting for one thing though. Our friend from church, my adviser or rather there adviser in the high school group (Me not being in the group anymore pretty much) was going to come bowling with us as he did the last time. So i was often looking towards the entrance for him, like 8-10 times i must had looked over there to see if he was there.
Not because he was bringing me a present, i hadnt even thought that, but because he was a real nice man and i feel as though me and him have a connection even though of our age difference. A friendship connection, but that is probably because he is real nice to everyone and normally i am nice to people too. I was starting to give up and looked back over at the front to see if he was there again when someone touched my shoulder and i had thought that someone wanted pass me, moving out of the way and turning to the person to say sorry but it was Tom!
And he did bring me a present. Books, not what i was expecting but i liked them anyway. It was late and Lynn had a headache so just me, him, and mother played bowling after that. We put in two more games and i was happy.
when we got home i decided on that the day was alright. Sure i had let people join in on things that were suppose to be alone with my mom but whats the point of doing things alone when people could be there to enjoy it with you. Sure we had got cake when i didnt want any in the first place but it made everyone else happy...Sure my dad hadnt sent me anything, but a check from him came the next day, a little tiny bit, late. And sure my sister blew me off for someone who never seen her, always makes her cry, and probably has a girlfriend where he lives....
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Posted: Tue Jan 22, 2008 10:32 am
Get this, i had a dream last night and non other than my ex boyfriend pops up in it and i was very happy to see him. I jumped at him in a hug and he blushed about it and then disappeared out of the supermarket that the dream's setting was based in.
I dont know why i was there but i was looking at the cheese and my mom was talking to this one person who worked there about something and then BAM my ex shows up and i dont know why i was happy to see him.
Sure i think about him sometimes, we unofficially broke up after a week of dating. I just stopped going over to where he hung out during lunch for a while and rejoined that group later on because it was my kind of place. We were friends for a little bit after that but after school was done we never spoke and we dont now.
Why did i stop seeing him? Well i often say it was because he smokes and i didnt like it, the kisses were very not good. I sometimes think it was because i was afraid of him, he was stronger and could get mad, and that was something that added onto the reason why i didnt say we arent seeing each other anymore instead of me just hiding from him. And one last reason was probably because i was not sure about this whole..Dating a guy thing. See before that i had a huge crush on this girl, we would often, and dont think as this as a sick thing, just touch each other. Not in those places, but mostly our hands and arms and would slide our fingers across the skin, it was a warm feeling.
Then up until the point i realized she didnt love me and i crashed down into depression about it. But i got over it and after that i dated him for a week, got my first kiss from him, and tossed him to the curve!
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Posted: Tue Jan 22, 2008 9:14 pm
Comment: Hey Vineco ^^! Those are nice posts and sorry about the whole thing with Anne and whatnot. This ex of yours is kind of surprising and you heard my suspect on that hehe ^^; But as for life for you in general I hope it gets better and you are allowed somebody you love...we all deserve somebody in the end. >.>; well those that choose to be with somebody anyway. ^^;
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