Welcome to Gaia! ::

Yeah, I would say that should be the rough draft of the poem.

When a poem doesen't rhyme, it has to be different in another way. For example.

If you made it more mystical, or significant. Like your other poem, where the leaf was being blown in the wind. You took an insignificant thing, and made it amazing.

Something like this should be enshrouded in mystery. If you dissapeared where would you go? Who woudl have taken you? what will they think of you before you dissapeared? These are the questions your poem needs.

Atleast in my opinion.

Another good way is if you put this in beat poetry form. this would be perfect for beat poetry.