|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Jan 23, 2008 4:25 pm
It's only part of it I'll type the rest when I can
My village had been raided by the sound-nin many years ago. Compared to the neighbors in my village, I hadn’t lost much. My family had perished long ago in the deep depths of my memory. What I can remember waking is up on a cold barren road with blood dripping down my face from a cut that had gone from my eye to my chin. I wandered until I reached a small village on the outskirts of Rice Field Country. The villagers took me in and named me Jisushika. Later I discovered the only thing left of my village....my kekkei genkai; I could summon and control shadow-beasts. To thank the villagers for their kindness I protected the village and had done so for years. That is, until the Otogakure shinobi came. They were all jonin and I knew deep inside that I was powerless and could not stop them. Many men were killed but I wasn't even wounded. I soon found that I was completely useless. The survivors were taken to Lord Orochimaru, the Otokage. We knew that somehow, we were all at his cold mercy.
Edited by Zetsu lover123
|
 |
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Feb 05, 2008 6:19 pm
I love the concept and how its written, but the character worries me. Has you put your character under the Mary-sue test?
|
 |
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Feb 12, 2008 4:33 pm
why do you say that
here's the original The village had been raided by the sound.I hadn't lost as much as the villagers because it wasn't the place I originated from. I lost my home and family years ago and I can't remember much. I remember waking up in a baren road with blood dripping down my face from a cut that went from my eye to my chin. I wandered untill I reached a small village on the outskirts of Rice Feild Country. The villagers took me in and named me Jisushika. Later I discovered the only thing left of my village....my kekkei genkai. I could summom and control shadow-beasts. To thank the villagers for their kindness I protected the village and a did for years untill the Otogakure shinobi came.They were all jonin and I was powerless against them and I knew it. Many men were killed but I wasn't even wounded. I was completly useless. The survivors were taken to Lord Orochimaru, the Otokage.
I'll add more when I find my notebook
|
 |
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Jul 12, 2008 6:19 pm
I cannot find my notebook (the fanfic sucked anyway)
|
 |
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|