|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Thu Jan 24, 2008 7:17 pm
First of all, I was raped and sexually abused throughout my childhood. I've also experienced my best male friend attempting to rape me and a long-term mentally, physically, and sexually abusive relationship with a woman.
I have always enjoyed sex throughout adolescence. Kissing does trigger me, but sex doesn't.
I haven't had sex in a few months. Masturbation, yeah. But this past week I can't. I feel so utterly worthless, so dirty, and it feels so incredibly wrong. I feel so incredibly depressed and horrific even thinking about it. I have no idea what is going on.
I see a therapist for my anxiety issues. However, only my peers, not any adults, know about what I've experienced in the past. I can't talk to my therapist about this because Maryland law requires that adults (which therapists are legally bound to do) report childhood abuse to authorities, regardless of if you're over eighteen and the abuse happened anywhere from weeks to fifty years ago.
Please, I have no idea what to do.
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Jan 25, 2008 7:47 pm
Wow, that's gotta hurt! cry
I am sorry you have had so much trouble, it's not right. cry
First things first, the fact that you feel so confused and in emotional pain is the normal reaction to abuse. It means you are trying to heal, and that is the silver lining to this dark cloud. If you try to heal, chances are very good that you will, although you must be prepared, it will not happen quickly.
It is perfectly alright not to want to have sex while the healing is going on, after all, sex is one of the ways you were abused, so it's understandable you'd eventually react in a strongly negative way to it, even to just touching yourself. Don't get upset with yourself, again, you are trying to heal. Think of it like breaking a leg, it hurts, and you can't walk on it, while you are healing, but afterwards, you can run a marathon if you want, once the leg is healed it will be there for you.
As for your therapist, there are two issues here. The first is, if you can't talk to him or her you are not going to get the full benifit of the therapy. But there might be some ways around it, for example, do you have to name names? If you say you were abused in the past but refused to say who did it, what can the therapist report? What might be better is to tell the therapist that the law is a barrier for you, because it prevents you from giving full disclosure for fear that your confidentiality will be violated. Maybe your therapist can give you guidelines as to where you can go and what you can say without him/her having to go to the authorities.
The other issue is this. Anyone, and I mean anyone, who rapes, or tries to rape, you, is NOT YOUR FRIEND! To be blunt they are an enemy...
I'm willing to allow that they probably have issues of their own that need dealing with, so, I'm not advocating you hate them but at the same time, you should NOT protect them.
What's more, if they attacked you, they probably will attack other people too. Maybe telling on them so that they can be dealt with, and even helped if possible, is actually the better route to go, even if it seems scary at first. Please think about that, silence isn't always golden.
Finally, there are some people who do some basic therapy online. I doubt that they would take you on as a case, but they might be able to offer guidelines or second opinions, and if they are out of state they may even be able to hear things that Maryland therapists can't. So, it might be worth a look to see if you can find someone, even if it's just Dr.Phil. (I'm not endorsing him, just making a suggestion...)
And of course, this place is good if you just want to talk, we don't know you, we don't know your circumstances, there is no way we can do anything, except hear you. wink
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Reply
