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We're talking about starting our own family.

My husband is devorced ( Well soon to be husband, we're getting married in April ), he has a 7 year old. Aleina, she is very spoiled, and used to it.

I have alot of concerns starting our own family.

I've been off my DEPO Provera shot for about a month now, and I have another before it is totally out of my system. It can take anywhere between 6-18 months for fertility to return, and no one can tell me when that will happen.

Anyway, my concerns about Aleina grow more any more by the day. She is a total sweet heart, but sometimes... she scares me shitless. She has been sent home and almost kicked out of daycare and school because she likes to choak the other kids, and bite them. I wish I had a good photo to post, but I dont'. You would not expect this from this child!

I am afraid Aleina will treat her little brother/sister like a toy or an Animal, and when she gets mad at it she is going to be mean to it. Keep in mind the reason for the Divorce was because the ex cheated on my husband, and she used to beat up on him all the time - calling the cops on him, but she would be the one halled off to jail for spousal abuse...

Aleina was 2 when they split. She has VERY bad habits. She has been grounded for three weeks, one right after the other. She talks back to the teachers in school, doesn't do her work, and trys to blame it on the other kids. She also does this 'I don't understand' thing when we know she really does. As per, she'll be reading, which she is VERY good at, and will say "cat" when the word is dog. She'll read words like "Wells Fargo Bank" but cannot read the word "Summer".

I am concerned about the effects that this will have on Aleina, and my relationship with my husband. We've been together 1.6 years, and I don't know if we are ready for this?

EDIT: She has a Nintendo DS, and I started to notice bite marks in it. My husband kept saying that Aleina would not bite stuff, that she doesn't do things like that. Well she bit it so hard, she broke it, and I had to send it into Nintendo to get fixed, she broke down crying and told Dad that she was really mad because she couldn't beat a level in the game and that is why she bit it soe many times...!!

sad

i definitely understand your situation. my son can be a real s**t a lot but i think its mainly because he wants someone with him ALL the time and he needs to understand that cant happen. he gets mad at games too but i think he picked up that bad habit from me sweatdrop difference is i know when to turn the game off. he likes to throw himself all over the floor when he gets frustrated or doesnt get his way.

the thing about parenting is tricky. you want to love your kid but you also dont want them to think your the bad guy. unfortunately it cant go both ways. my son understands that if he listens and does what hes told, im the nicest guy and he gets to do what he wants most of the time. he is also learning that if he doesnt do as hes told, i will be the meanest guy in the world and he doesnt get to do s**t. of course that only works when my wife isnt home cause she thinks im being too mean so you can see where problems start in that situation.

i would also recommend the whole family counselling as well as councelling for her. she may need to be on something for anger management but i would also talk with her and voice your concern. see how she feels about having a little brother or sister cause you may be surprised. i know someone who has a daughter much the same way but when her sister had a baby (my son's half brother) she changed a lot. specially around the baby. when she's at their house, she loves to hold the baby and help take care of him. the change in her was really noticable so who knows.

Thank you -everyone who answered. Unfortunately, my husband wont go for that. He doesn't think there is anything wrong with Aleina. I have talked to her about having another baby, and she is very excited about it. But her temper frightens me - for the baby's sake. She wants a little sister, and when I explained to her that the attention isn't on her all the time - she simply responded that she wouldn't grow up. Which - of course we all understand...

I'm getting ready to change jobs and go back to working for Dell computers. Lately, my husband and I have been fighting over money... which I hate, and that has been a big reason why I am going back it's almost a 4.00 increase per hour. And with getting a baby on the way - we're going to need the money.

Aleina likes to make up stories on why she was bad in school - blaming it on the other kids or saying she simply didn't do it. She knows when she is grounded she doesn't get to do jack s**t around here. With how badly she seems to have reacted to me being in the picture, ( not directly toward me, but the bad attitude in general ) I just don't know. Maybe your right Heen? Maybe she will just get better.

I just wanted to voice my concerns and see if they are really something to worry about or if I was just over reacting... I think Aleina has anger management issues... I see that with her father a bit, the way he blows up over nothing ( sometimes ) and then will later admit how wrong he was. I just want our family to be happy. My husband seems to think sometimes and I don't want Aleina to be apart of our family.

Which hurts my feelings alot. I've wanted nothing more then a family, our family... and it seems like when I start to bond with Aleina, my husband gets all fluffed up like I am taking over his space... so I leave it alone, and then he gets upset that I am not being 'family' enough with Aleina... =/ Bah... the problems I have... sorry for the long post...

Update : I got fired from my job at Arizona Federal Credit Union.

My manager and I never got along. Every, single, little thing I did was NEVER right or good enough. And I was supposed to be at 1st mortgage training yesterday, and when I walked to my manager, Skylar, he had said that ultimate needed to see me for a minute ( ultimate staffing was who I was hired through ) and then I was supposed to go to training and they would see me after lunch.

Well I got up at the a** crack of dawn, got ready, fought my way through traffic and everything, I get there, drop my stuff off in my class. And head up to the 4th floor for my 5 minute meeting. I walked in and they asked me for my keys and said they where terminating my position with Arizona Fed. Yep. Just like that.

I knew nothing I was going to do was going to make it better, or make it right. They complained about -everything- from where the papers went, to needing help when you didn't understand something. Yep, thats right, I would be in trouble because I needed help 'too much' and that I never 'looked for the answer hard enough'.

Yep.

However.

I guess I am starting back at Dell on the 18th. I was making 12.39 an hour with AZ Fed, and I will be making 15.00 with Dell. So that is really good for me, and the start of our new family. I get to sit all day, talk to one person at a time, do everything on the computer and I wont have to mess around with all the BS with the credit union... I felt like a bug under a glass all the time.

I loved working there, and working there deffinately taught me alot about my finances. I guess if nothing else, that was good.

I texted everyone I worked with and told them what happened, everyone was pretty shocked. I guess it;s okay though Skylar was already short one person, and now he is short two.

I called him and had a short conversation with him about it all, and he said he didn't know or have any idea, they said they just wanted to check in with me and follow up from our meetings.

I'm not sure, I think he did know. But I could be wrong. When I went to pick up all my s**t, he kept appologizing over and over and over again. I just nodded and said 'nothing' not a thing. biggrin