|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Fri Feb 01, 2008 1:07 pm
Entry #1
"It's tearin' up my heart when I'm with you
But when we are apart, I feel it too
And no matter what I do, I feel the pain
with or without you..."
Yes, I do enjoy putting song quotes in my journals. ^^ Dunno why, I just do. So I decided to jump on the Diary band wagon for the good of my memory (as I have none).
stare So to start off, why does no one ever tell you exactly how complicated love can get? I mean, she doesn't likes me, she like me, she likes me but not in that way, actually she likes me in that way but doesn't want to admit it, she doesn't like me in that way anymore, no wait she does sorta kinda like me in that way but can't/doesn't want to act on anything on some reason she won't tell me just yet...>< Ow. That will give you a headache.
In other news, I have a monologue to give in THEATER Monday that I haven't memorized even though I've had an entire week to do so, on account I've lost my desire to excel (or even pass) in school. Why? We don't know. I've been very grouchy lately, and it's waaaay to early for my period ( There's 28 days in between, not 5...)
On the brightside, 2 years until graduation. And thank God for awesome friends.
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Feb 01, 2008 4:17 pm
Excellent, excellent. *moves over to make space on the bandwagon*
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Feb 02, 2008 4:29 pm
Entry #2
"...We are the champions - my friends
And we'll keep on fighting - till the end -
We are the champions -
We are the champions
No time for losers
'Cause we are the champions - of the world..."
I went to a basketball game today with my fahja. It. Was. AWESOME! We won, 80-61. BOOYA!!! Other than that though, it's been a very...boring day. But that's really my average day that doesn't involve school... God I need a car. ...And a liscense.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Feb 05, 2008 4:33 pm
Entry #3
"...What kind of a boyfriend would forget that?
Who would forget that?
The type of guy who doesn't see,
What he has until she leaves..."
Back from my papi's. Downloaded 10 songs in like, half an hour. I'm so screwed (I get a 10 song limit for every 2 weeks.) Wanting to see a girl I sorta kinda half way want want want to be with me. Yep. Badly. Really badly. I'm buying her an Ipod Nano. As I forgot her birthday last month. crying I'm so forgetful sometimes...
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Feb 10, 2008 11:16 am
Entry #3
"4 Years you think for sure
That's all you've got to endure
All the Total Dicks
All the Stuck-up Chicks
So superficial, so immature
Then when you graduate,
Ya take a look around and you say "Hey Wait!"
This is the same as where I just came from,
I thought it was over, Aw that's just great..."
I. Am. Wonderful. I finally got to order my friend's B-Day present, and it should be here at the latest around Friday or Next Monday. I got a haircut that I like for once (OMG! Did hell freeze over?!?!?) I get to skip school Wednesday. This is the start of a VERY good week for me! ^^ ...Hope it stays that way...
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Feb 16, 2008 8:53 pm
Entry #4
"...I wanna swim away but don't know how
Sometimes it feels just like I'm falling into the ocean
Let the waves up take me down
Let the hurricane set in motion yea
Let the rain of what I feel right now come down
Let the rain come down..."
So. Sooo. So...
Alot's happened. A whole lot. Wednesday I saw my...close friend. We went to this seminar that her parents made her go to. We were there for 8 hours. I got to teasing her, and she let my hand wander farther than she ever had before. A. LOT. FARTHER. I think all I did to her would safely be considered second base. Unfortunately, her parents didn't miss all of what I was doing. They did see that I didn't take my eyes off her the entire time. And that I clung to her too. I don't know if they know everything I did, but they do seem to know I have at least some sort of an attraction to her. I haven't heard from her since Thursday. She came over with a friend. She barely let me even hug her. I'm not sure if she was being overly cautious, or if she's mad at me. All the same, I don't know if she blames me for not being more discrete, or if something's happened. It's making me panicky. I've sorta become dependent on her. She's kinda like a friend with benefits. I don't want a girlfriend right now, but I need someone. Maybe not a partner, but a really close friend. Like, uberly close. And she's the only one I have. I've been having to go without her for awhile since we don't go to the same school. It's not pretty. I really change into someone else without her around.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Feb 19, 2008 5:53 pm
Entry #5
"Vi sitter här I venten och spelar lite DOTA
å pushar på å smeker,
Med motståndet vi leker
Vi sitter här I venten och spelar lite DOTA
å springer runt å creepar,
Och motståndet vi sleepar"
Don't ask me what those lyrics. I haven't a clue. I just love the how the song sounds.
I've been feeling...different lately.
No...
No, I've been feeling different for a long while. I don't know when it started, but all of a sudden...I felt like a whole different person. I don't really care about what's going on with certain people anymore. I want a girlfriend really bad, but now I'm actually looking and flirting a bit. I don't really care what my friends think of me. I really hate school, to the point I'm just not trying in some classes. And I really want to break out of this house. Like, I want to just walk out the door and walk around the town for hours. I want to go out and I don't want anyone knowing what's going on with me. I've been more secretive.
I don't know what's going on with me, but for the first time in a long time... I really feel like I'm closer to who I am.
And I kinda like it.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Feb 22, 2008 9:12 pm
Entry #6
"...Where are you and I'm so sorry
I cannot sleep I cannot dream tonight
I need somebody and always
This sick strange darkness comes creeping on so haunting every time
And as I stared I counted the webs from all the spiders
catching things and eating their insides
Like indecision to call you
And hear your voice of treason
Will you come home and stop this pain tonight
stop this pain tonight..."
*sigh* I'm really a mess. I really am. There are days I'm on top of the world, and there are the days that I'm just trying to stay afloat. Sadly, I seem to have more down days than up. So close friend isn't talking to me, and I'm 90% sure she's upset with me, for whatever reason. I kinda wish she would just tell me. At least then I wouldn't be wondering. I can handle hate, I just can't handle not knowing or not being spoken to.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Feb 24, 2008 7:51 pm
Entry #7
"...Upside down
Bouncing off the ceiling
Inside out
Stranger to this feeling
Got no clue what I should do
But I'll go crazy if I can't get next to you..."
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Is what my mind is saying right now. You'd think I'd be able to not think about one girl for five minutes. Nope. Not even with other people talking to me as I watch TV and listen to my Ipod.
What.
The.
HELL!!!
gonk
I even have crushes on OTHER girls and she's STILL THE ONE I THINK ABOUT THE MOST!!! WWWWWWWHHHHHHHHHHHYYYYYYY MEEEEEEEEE???
scream scream scream
I HATE this! I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT!!! GRAWR!
crying I want my train of thought back.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Feb 25, 2008 8:26 am
Yes, well. You'll have that.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Mar 01, 2008 3:24 am
That's life. Women will distract you until your dying day. xp
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Mar 11, 2008 6:19 pm
Entry #8
"...Everybody's gonna love today,
Gonna love today, gonna love today.
Everybody's gonna love today, gonna love today.
Anyway you want to, anyway you've got to,
Love love me, love love me, love love.
I've been crying for so long,
Fighting tears just to carry on,
But now, but now, it's gone away..."
Haven't written in awhile. Feeling cruddy. Mostly cause of my period. Discovered I have a shitty friend. I was in a terrible mood this morning cause my mom yelled at me (the first day of my period is when I'm moodiest, and it's quite easy to sway from broiling mad to down right crying sad) so when I got to school I was a bit mean to some people who were a bit too cheery for my butt. And this girl (I refuse to call her a friend) goes: "Jeez Smiley, your such a downer all the time! Why don't you go sit somewhere else!!". Not "Whoa, what bit you in the arse?", not "You seem a bit...uptight. Any problems?" Not EVEN "On your period, I assume?" But that. Thanks, that made me feel so much better. So I left after a few minutes so I could cry in the peace. (didn't work, I got caught by another friend right as the tears started to roll. But she luffs me. So I'm now in debt to her. I do love the true friends I got.)
On another downside, girl I like is dating a guy. And I can't whine, because I know him and he's really nice.
A cruel upside is she doesn't think it will last. I just hope if it does come around that they breakup, it's on good terms.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Mar 19, 2008 8:15 pm
Entry #9
"...It hurts to want everything & nothing at the same time
I want whats yours and I want whats mine
I want you but I'm not giving in this time
Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold on to..."
*falls over in exhaustion* So I've just been up and down this week. Diosa (I got tired of typing "girl I like" so I figured I go with the nickname I gave her) is off in Europe. I think she's coming back Saturday.
...
OK, I'm wishing, hoping, and praying she is. I really miss her. I think I got an idea of where I stand with her...but I'm not saying anything until I'm a little more sure of myself.
Is it normal to be able to predict when your parents are going to argue? I mean, I can like, countdown the minutes before they start yelling. And that's only with hearing half the conversation since most the time it's over the phone.
Oh! I went shopping yesterday! It was fun! I went with a friend, and we froze our asses off in the pouring rain, and I don't think I've had that much fun since I was a kid!! blaugh I got some shooooeeesss, and a shirt (that turns out to be VERY see-through...) and we went to the movies, and I got some hair dye...It was fuun.
I also discovered said friend smells REALLY good. Which I thought was a weird thing to notice about your friend. But I didn't mind. She was leaning up on me and I luffed it cause her hair is like, UBERLY soft. It's like petting my cat when I touch it. ^^
That's all for now. I'm gonna continue to enjoy my 2 weeks off for spring break. (Yes, TWO. IN YOUR FACE!!!) whee
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Mar 25, 2008 3:05 pm
Entry #10
"See Waka Laka when you need a flight of fantasy (fantasy)
Ecstasy (ecstasy)
Rhapsody (rhapsody)
See Waka Laka when you want a love so tenderness (tenderness)
Waka Laka make you fly..."
Huh. Sounds like they're singing about a drug, don't it? Well, I saw my lovely Diosa yesterday. And now I'm slightly angry at her. She didn't tell me she was still working off the jet lag, so when she dropped me off at my house and I hugged her, she just conked out. And I mean it was like someone smack her in the head. I poked her for about a minute, trying to figure out what was up, (normally she hugs me for about 20 seconds, then has to drive off to get home on time) And she jolted up and blushed. Which is when I realized she had fallen asleep. *sigh* She really shoulda told me. I could've waited a day or two until she was more rested.... But we had fun. We went and saw Horton Hears a Who, then we went and got sodas from Sonic, and we just kinda hung out at the mall for a few hours (neither one of us really wanted to go home...)
*sigh* Also massively depressed. I really miss going to the same school as all of my friends. I didn't realize it'd hit me this hard... crying
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Apr 03, 2008 5:37 pm
Entry #11
You may notice there's no song today. That's because this week has been (and there are no better words for it) ******** uP!!!! K, so my period's coming soon. How do I know? Because I'm moodier. The problem? My mood swings are getting hard even for me to control. I went from content, to happy, to so sad I actually cried a few times, to being so angry that if you so much and LOOKED at me I bit your head off. wHaT tHe HeLl!!! I've never had so many problems with myself. I'm actually avoiding my friends on account I'm afraid I'll eat them alive for not returning my quarter in Kindergarten or something. I've never had such severe mood swings. Never. I can't even predict when they'll hit. I use to slowly switch into the mood. Now it can change on a dime. It's that even normal?
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Reply
