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I Never Knew I'd Love to be Kidnapped (Warning: rated PG-13)

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bullets_are_hailing

PostPosted: Sun Feb 03, 2008 2:32 pm


Note: Contains swearing


This is a short story fan-fiction that I wrote. It features the band My Chemical Romance and two fictional characters I made up. It's kind of sad, but please enjoy it and comment please.

Alexandra is kidnapped and Gerard has to save her. The only problem: She doesn't want to be saved.

I Never Knew I'd Love to be Kidnapped by bullets_are_hailing
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I never expected this to happen to me.

There I was. In the trunk of the car, my eyes blindfolded, my arms and legs tied up, and my mouth covered by tape. I was terrified. I was worried that no one would find me. I was afraid about what this person might do to me. I was questionable about who this person was. I was kidnapped.

You are probably wondering how this whole thing happened. It started on a regular day. I was spending time with my boyfriend, Gerard. I was watching a movie at his house along with his friends Frank and Ray and his brother, Mikey. We were watching a scary movie but apparently, it was too predictable. Soon, the movie ended.

"I think I'm gonna go home now," I said.

"So soon, Alexandra?" Gerard said, teasing me by saying my full name.

"Yes, and you know I hate it when you call me that." I said.

He put his arm around me."I'm just kidding Alex. What time is it by the way?"

"I's about 10," Mikey answered.

"Okay, I'm going," I said. "I'm pretty damn tired."

I opened the door and heard everyone say "bye" to me as I closed the door. I began walking down the street to my house. When I entered through the doorway, my cell phone began ringing. The caller ID was Gerard.

"What is it?" I answered.

"You left your book here," he said. "Want me to bring it over to you?"

"No, I'll get it." I said. I hung up and put my phone in my jeans pocket. I let out a sigh and opened the door.

"Time to go back," I said to myself. I started walking down the street to Gerard's house again but heard footsteps behind me. I stopped and turned around and there was nobody there. Was someone following me? I began walking again. The sound of footsteps came again and I stopped once more and looked around. Suddenly, somebody grabbed me from behind and I tried to break free of their grip, but they put my arms behind my back and tied them with a rope and they did the same thing with my legs. I had no other choice but to scream. I opened my mouth but it got covered by tape being put on my mouth. My cries were muffled and I now couldn't see as for since they put a cloth over my eyes. I could feel them carrying me and they put me into what seemed like the trunk of their car. They closed it and a few moments later, the car was moving. The car went a little rocky and I hit my head and got knocked out




Consciousness reoccurred to me and I was now sitting in a chair still tied up and my head hurt from getting hit. Tape was no longer on my mouth but I was still blindfolded. I could hear someone moving around me. They removed the blindfold and I still didn't see them because they were standing behind me. I must've been in their house.

"Why are you doing this?" was the first thing I said.

"I'll tell you that reason later," a familiar voice said. They walked in front of me and I immediately recognized them.

"Chris?" I said in disbelief. "It can't be you."

Chris was a good friend of me and he was also a good friend of Gerard. I knew him ever since seventh grade and he became friends with Gerard when we met him in high school. But he later became increasingly distant from us and now he hates Gerard. I never got to find out why he did and I never really was sure if he hates me, too.

"It is me, Alex," he said. "Surprised?"

"You b*****d," I said through clenched teeth.

"You asked why I kidnapped you," he said. "The reason why was because I'm taking revenge on that ******** a*****e of a boyfriend you have."

"I hate you," I said angrily. "Don't you ever say anything like that about Gerard."

"Why wouldn't I?" he asked. "He's a ******** queer."

My anger began to rise and I could feel the hatred coming through to me. But I thought better of myself and calmed down a little bit.

"So, what are you going to do to me?" I said sarcastically. "Threaten Gerard that you'll kill me?"

"No, I would never kill you," he said. "Keeping you away from Gerard is enough to bring him pain."

"So you're just going to keep me here?" I asked.

He just let out a chuckle and left the room. I started to cry a little. I would never be able to see Gerard again. I'll just be held prisoner in this house with nobody with me but Chris.

I'm not dead yet. But I'm in hell.




I had a feeling that the today was going to be worse than yesterday. It's my first day being a prisoner and I could imagine what Chris was going to do to me. He hasn't hurt me yet, but in the near future, he will.

I looked out the window and clearly saw the address on the mailbox. Suddenly, my cell phone rang in my pocket. I took it out and the caller ID was Gerard. I was anxious to answer it.

"Gerard!" I answered.

"Alex? Thank god you answered the phone!" he said. "Where are you? You didn't come last night and you're not at your house."

"I've been kidnapped!" I said. "They took me last night and now I'm stuck here with them!"

"Who kidnapped you?" he asked.

"It was Chris," I said quietly. "He kidnapped me to get revenge on you."

I heard him mutter "s**t" under his breath. "Don't worry, we'll try to get you. Can you tell me where you are?"

I was just about to tell him the address when I realized that the address wasn't a full address. "I don't know all of it."

"Can you at least tell me some of it?"

Right after I told him the address, my phone all of a sudden turned off. The battery died. I yelled out my frustration and was about to come onto the verge of tears when Chris entered the room.

"I see you have no way of contacting your lover," he said.

"Shut the ******** up," I said. "He'll find a way and then you'll get arrested. He'll come save me from you, you ******** jackass."

"Shut up!" he lifted his hand and slapped me hard. I fell to the ground and I knew that my cheek was red. This time I broke down and cried. I expected him to be laughing at me, but strangely he wasn't. He was shocked my his own action and it looked like he was about to cry also.

"I-I didn't mean to," he said. "No, I promised myself I wouldn't hurt you. Alex, I'm sorry! Are you okay? I'm a ******** idiot!" He fell to his knees and was now the one crying.

I couldn't help but be shocked by what he was doing. Regretting that he hit me? I walked over to him and knelled beside him.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

"I didn't mean to hurt you," he said, looking down. "I hate it when I see a girl get hurt. Especially if they're a close friend."

"It's okay," I pulled him into a hug. "I'm know that you're really sorry.

And from that day forward, everything changed.




Days passed by and I no longer felt like a prisoner. I was now more of a guest and Chris treated me very well. He bought me new clothes and he even let me stay in a room. Usually when he seemed upset, I was always there to help him out and he did the same to me.

But then, I had to ask him one important thing.

"I have a question," I said.

"What is it?" he said.

"Why do you hate Gerard now?"

He sighed. "Because of you."

I was puzzled. "What do you mean?"

"I really cared for you," he answered. "I secretly liked you. I was even going to ask you out. But then when we met Gerard, you two became closer and I became jealous. Finally, my heart was broken when you two started going out together."

"You liked me?" I was surprised. "Is that why you said you wouldn't kill me?"

"Yes," he said. "If I killed you, I would've killed myself for doing it."

"Chris?" I said after a few moments of silence. "I want to tell you something."

"What is it?" he asked.

"I love you," I leaned in and kissed him. He began kissing me back. This kiss was different than how I felt when I kissed Gerard. This seemed to have more emotion and I completely trusted him.

"I love you too," he smiled.

Who would ever have thought that I'd fall in love with my kidnapper?




Another week passed by and I now considered Chris to be my "boyfriend". But the thought of what will happen to Gerard when he finds out made me feel guilty. I had a hard choice for the next few days, but then it came to conclusions when I realized that I loved Chris. He loved me ever since we met and I never even knew it.

"Alex?" he said one day. "I have something to ask you."

"What is it?" I said.

"I know it might be early since we're only nineteen," he began. "But I'm confident about this and I want it more than anything in the world."

He hesitated for a bit and took out a small silver ring. "Will you marry me?"

I was in open-mouthed shock, but right away, I knew my answer.

"Yes!" I exclaimed. "Yes I'll marry you! I want to be your wife."

I embraced him and happiness was once again here. I wanted to be with him forever. I wanted to spend my whole life with him.

But suddenly, we heard sirens.

"This is the police!" I heard them yell. It must've been Gerard. He probably found out where Chris lived and went to the police department.

Chris looked at me.

"We have to go out there," he said.

"But then you'll be arrested." I said. "I don't want them to take you away."

"We have to tell them that it was a big mistake."

"But they won't understand! I have a feeling that they won't listen!"

He made a sad smile. "I'll try to make them."

He started walking out to the door and I followed him. He opened the door and walked outside.

"Chris, no!" I shouted. I was too late. He walked out toward the officer.

"It's a huge misunderstanding officers!" he said. But the police thought he was going to attack them, so they all fired their guns.

"No!" I yelled. but I couldn't stop them. Chris was shot multiple times and he fell to the floor. I ran over to where his body fell.

"Chris!" I knelled down to his body.

"Alex," he whispered. "I'm sorry I kidnapped you..."

"Don't be sorry," I said. "You didn't kidnap me. Please don't be sorry."

He took his hand off my cheek and he closed his eyes. He was dead. The last thing I did was kiss his lips.

More than ever, I cried hard. I got up and buried my hands in my face. Gerard came up to me and hugged me. I just pulled away and started crying even more. I was distraught and now I was never going to marry him. I truly loved him, but now he's gone.

I couldn't look when they were carrying the body away. I was softly crying this time. Gerard came up to me again.

"It's okay, Alex," he put his hand on my shoulder. "You're safe now."

"You're wrong! " I cried. "How could you?"

"What do you mean?" he asked. "He kidnapped you and I got the police and saved you. Shouldn't you be thankful?"

"He didn't kidnap me," I said as tears went down my face. "He loved me."
 
PostPosted: Sun Feb 03, 2008 2:48 pm


The overall story was really good. I enjoyed the dramatic scenes, and the emotion in them.

A note: In the 5th to last paragraph it says 'but now he's gone', which uses present tense when it should be 'but now he was gone'.

My advice would be to add further descriptive details. Try showing, not telling. For example, instead of:

'I was terrified. I was worried that no one would find me.'

Try:

'Terror coursed through my veins as my heart thumped desperately at the thought that I might not be found.'

Notice how the second one uses descriptive details to show how she feels without directly stating it.

Furthermore, try taking out every 'said' in the story and replacing it with a more action-y word such as agreed, pleaded, sighed, sobbed, announced, cried, etc.

Also, attempt to take out every 'was' in the story. For example, instead of:

'I was watching a movie at his house along with his friends Frank and Ray and his brother, Mikey.'

Try:

'Gerard and I watched a movie at his house along with his friends Frank and Ray and his brother, Mikey.'

Though it may not seem like it when you pay attention to just the sentence alone, these tricks improve the overall quality of the story. What you have now is really really good, and I think it has the potential to be excellent. =]

Aevy
Captain


PaperSongs

PostPosted: Sun Feb 03, 2008 11:03 pm


Double check your grammar. But other than that, it was awsome!
PostPosted: Thu Feb 07, 2008 7:41 am


Ruler of all Cheese


My advice would be to add further descriptive details. Try showing, not telling. For example, instead of:

'I was terrified. I was worried that no one would find me.'

Try:

'Terror coursed through my veins as my heart thumped desperately at the thought that I might not be found.'

Notice how the second one uses descriptive details to show how she feels without directly stating it.



to tell you the truth, i actually meant to do that. i made it less descriptive to do the kidnapped thing. did you notice?
"I was terrified. I was worried. I was kidnapped."

i just wanted to do that "I was" thing.

bullets_are_hailing


Aevy
Captain

PostPosted: Thu Feb 07, 2008 9:09 pm


Laughing While Dying
Ruler of all Cheese


My advice would be to add further descriptive details. Try showing, not telling. For example, instead of:

'I was terrified. I was worried that no one would find me.'

Try:

'Terror coursed through my veins as my heart thumped desperately at the thought that I might not be found.'

Notice how the second one uses descriptive details to show how she feels without directly stating it.



to tell you the truth, i actually meant to do that. i made it less descriptive to do the kidnapped thing. did you notice?
"I was terrified. I was worried. I was kidnapped."

i just wanted to do that "I was" thing.

Try putting emphasis on the last word then. For example:

"I was terrified. I was worried. I was kidnapped."

=]
PostPosted: Fri Feb 15, 2008 1:56 pm


Ruler of all Cheese
Laughing While Dying
Ruler of all Cheese


My advice would be to add further descriptive details. Try showing, not telling. For example, instead of:

'I was terrified. I was worried that no one would find me.'

Try:

'Terror coursed through my veins as my heart thumped desperately at the thought that I might not be found.'

Notice how the second one uses descriptive details to show how she feels without directly stating it.



to tell you the truth, i actually meant to do that. i made it less descriptive to do the kidnapped thing. did you notice?
"I was terrified. I was worried. I was kidnapped."

i just wanted to do that "I was" thing.

Try putting emphasis on the last word then. For example:

"I was terrified. I was worried. I was kidnapped."

=]


oh, i never thought of that. Thanks!

bullets_are_hailing


writing_Kat

PostPosted: Mon Feb 18, 2008 9:45 am


Umm.. where in that story is chemical romance?It's a god story but understaqnd how it's a fanfic of anything.
PostPosted: Wed Feb 20, 2008 6:18 pm


writing_Kat
Umm.. where in that story is chemical romance?It's a god story but understaqnd how it's a fanfic of anything.


Okay, it's not really a "fanfic", but My Chemical Romance is kinda in it. They're side characters. The main characters are Alex and Chris. Well, it's kinda weird that Frank and Ray don't speak and Bob isn't in it at all. sweatdrop

bullets_are_hailing

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