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Hi:

First, I'm sorry no one picked up on this earlier, I was busy, and I guess no one else was able to talk either. Please don't think you were being deliberately ignored.

I only know what you have said in your message, so my answer is based on that.

First, are absolutely sure you are a lesbian? Just because you were a tomboy it doesn't mean you must be a lesbian. Also, you were sent to an all girl's school where you had no one but girls to form relationships with. It is possible you were mixed up by this, it has been known to happen. Trying to be something you are not is going to be trouble, so, if you have any doubt, the you should take the time to be sure, before you start dating anyone seriously, or making people upset at home.

But, if you are sure, then you need to be open and honest with yourself, and accept the truth of who you are. This is the first and biggest step, being sure of yourself, then accepting it, or changing it, depending on how you truely feel about it.

The next issue you have is your family. You know that they will be very upset if you are a lesbian, but you are not responsible for how they feel, only how you treat their feelings. They are your family and you need to respect them, but not to the point where you cannot repsect yourself at the same time. It might be better for you wait to be involved until you are able to live on your own, you have finished school, and have a job, and live a life of your own.

When that time comes you should decide then if you will tell your family or not. If they overlooked the fight you had at the school, maybe they would turn a blind eye to a lover who was presented as a room mate, someone who helped share the rent, and no information asked or volunteered about the "sleeping arrangements". In otherwords, don't ask, don't tell.

If that isn't going to work then you need to realise that you have a right to tell, but they have a right to react as they see best. If they shun you, that is their decision, you must accept it, even though it is a very sad thing.

Another issue is, what of the community you live in? Will your neighbours be unfriendly? Is there a danger of being beaten? Are you part of a religion that will kick you out if you are gay? You need to think of these things before you start telling, if they are issues you may need to take them into account before you say anything.

So, do not ignore your feelings, but do take the time to be sure of them, and to think about what you want to do with them. I hope this gives you a little bit of help, and that everything will work out for you.