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Posted: Wed Feb 13, 2008 10:37 pm
I wrote this first chapter a long time ago... I really need to rewrite it and edit it... but I wanted to get an opinion as to if I should even consider continuing it...
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Posted: Wed Feb 13, 2008 10:39 pm
Chapter One
Sari sat at her desk typing up her report, Jamie was safely in foster care and his parents where now in jail where they belonged. She saved the file and printed up a copy.
“Sari,” Kelly, who worked on the Major Case squad and had absolutely no reason to be in the Special Victims office. He held a stack of folders under one arm, and a clipboard in his right hand.
“Kelly?” Sari looked up, startled. Kelly was one of the best looking officers in the entire precinct; she always felt it was unfortunate that they worked in different divisions.
“Good, it is you,” Kelly pulled a folder from the stack and plopped it onto Sari’s desk, “Pack up your stuff, your moving.”
Sari looked down at the file, and then up at Kelly, “What are you talking about?”
Kelly pointed to the folder, “You’re being transferred. The details are in the file.”
Sari felt her eyes tear up, “Did I do something wrong?”
“What are you talking about?” Kelly brushed his hair away from his face in annoyance, “You’re just being moved to a new department. Now hurry up, there’s a meeting in thirty minutes in the new office.”
“It’s finally done?” Sari wiped away the tears that had just streamed down her face.
“Yeah,” Kelly looked down at his watch, “Well, I have a few more folders to deliver, so get started on packing, and try and go over the file. Your new ID card is in there, and just about any information you’re going to need at this time.”
Sari nodded and opened the file as Kelly walked away. Inside was the ID card as promised, her picture smiled up at her underneath DEPARTMENT OF OCCULT CRIMES. Shrugging Sari stuck the card into her wallet, Must have something to do with that Santeria stuff or something.
“Come on, I’m bored!”
“Sano, shut up,” Sean sat at the head of the conference table. “If you don’t stop acting like a child…”
Jordyn appeared in the doorway, “Oh, look, its dog-boy.”
“Hey fangs,” Sano fidgeted in his seat, “What’s up?”
Jordyn shrugged, his light brown hair shifting before falling back into place perfectly, “The usual, blood sucking and mayhem, you?”
“Well, the full moon just past…” Sano twirled around in his seat, “so it’s been a bit boring since.”
“Uh huh,” Jordyn sat down across from Sano, “So, when does this meeting start?”
Sean looked around at those assembled, “Let’s see, Sari?”
“Here!” Sari called as she dashed into the room, “Sorry I’m late!”
“Whatever,” Sean looked down at his list, “Kelly, you’re here. Sano, Jordyn ok your both here. Ashley?”
“Sorry,” Ashley stood in the doorway of the conference room, “My plane was running late.”
“Its fine,” Sean waved away the salute Ashley gave, “Formalities are unnecessary for the time being.”
“Yes sir,” Ashley sat down in the last remaining seat.
Sean looked at the last name on the list, “Yuki?”
“Here sir,” Yuki raised a gloved hand, his voice just barely carrying across the table to the chief.
“Good, looks like everyone is here now,” Sean stood up before making his way to the conference room’s door. Closing it he turned back to the assembled group. “Welcome to the Department of Occult Crimes.”
Sari snickered, “That is so funny.”
“What is ‘so funny’?” Sean glared down at Sari.
“Your expression, you looked so serious,” Sari smothered back another wave of giggles. ‘Department of Occult Crimes’, it’s just so funny!”
Sean raised an inquiring eyebrow, “I still fail to see what is so funny.”
“I know,” Sari gasped, “I’ll try and explain.”
“I’d like to hear this.” Sean sat back down in his chair at the head of the table.
Ashley sat completely still staring at Sari in astonishment. She had never before seen someone act so disrespectful to their superior before.
Sari seemed to almost bask in the attention she was getting, “I’m sorry, but can you actually picture us going up to someone’s house and saying, ‘Hello, we’re from the Department of Occult Crimes. I’m sorry to inform you, but you husbands been killed.’ Do you really think they’ll take us seriously? We’ll probably get the door slammed in our faces.”
Sean nodded, “I suppose so, but do you have a better suggestion?”
Sari paused in her laughter, her face now bright red with embarrassment, “Well, um.”
“Idiot,” Sano plopped his feet onto the table, “We don’t have to go by that title in public. We could always just say we’re from Homicide or something along that line. And I’m sure someone could get us some badges or something to make it seem legit.”
“Fine,” Sean made a note in his file, “I’ll put you in charge of that.”
Sano dropped his feet back onto the floor, “Does this mean you’re giving me permission to dig out my old forgery gear?”
“No,” Sean looked up, giving Sano a wink, “I’m just saying you have resources to gaining badges for different departments that the rest of us don’t have.”
“Excellent,” Sano rubbed his hands together excitedly, “Good thing I’ve been keeping up on my studies.” Sano paused for a moment, “I mean, you know, keeping connections with friends in other departments that can help me. Yeah, that’s what I meant.”
“I don’t care,” Sean looked back down the open folder before him, “As long as I don’t find any homemade badges on the street, I really couldn’t care less.”
Yuki raised his hand, “Um sir, I have a question.”
“Yes?” Sean looked over at blushing officer.
“I was wondering,” Yuki coughed nervously, “Why us? I know this isn’t the biggest precinct, but I’m sure you could have found enough people here for the new department. Why did you have them transfer me from San Francisco?”
Sean sighed, setting down his papers again, “All of you have unique gifts, or curses depending on how you look at it, as do I. That is why the commissioner requested each of us personally. Now, as to why, if you read the folder given to you earlier you would know. But I’m sure most of you haven’t had the time yet, what with all the moving around and stuff. So I’ll just give you a quick summary. Over the past six months or so about a dozen or so murders have taken place, all have involved multiple victims. In each case the victims where completely drained of blood. The detectives on each case where at a loss. There where no signs of a struggle on any of the victims, no scratch marks, no defensive wounds, not even a puncture of some sort to explain the lack of blood. The Chief Medical Examiner personally checked each victim, searching every part of their bodies for any evidence. Nothing was found. The crime scene was the same, no signs of struggle, but also no sign that the victims had been killed somewhere else and that the scene was only a dumping ground. No footprints, other then the victims where found, and there was also no evidence of a robbery or anything else of that sort.”
Sari laughed again, this time a little nervously, “You’re making it sound as if it where vampires or something.”
Sean nodded, pushing his glasses back up on his nose, “Well, kind of.”
“Wait,” Sari shook her head, “You can’t be serious. Vampires aren’t real.”
“And I’m sure you don’t believe in werewolves either,” Sano snickered from his new perch on the table, “Uh?”
“Well,” Sari looked around the table, “yeah.”
Jordyn, who was sitting beside Sari, turned to her and smiled, “I’m sorry to rob you of your illusions.”
Sari pushed herself away from the table, “Wait!” She gasped, “Those can’t be real. Their fake, that’s the only explanation.”
Sano plopped back into his chair cackling, “Maybe you should prove their real Jordyn.”
“What is going on here?” Sari turned to Sean, and then looked down at Kelly, “I thought this was just some sort department specializing in ritual killings.”
“Well,” Kelly looked up, meeting her eyes, “We do deal with that to, if you read the file you would know. Anyway, you’re telekinetic right? So it shouldn’t be surprising to you that there are “Mythical” beings in existence.”
“How…” Sari began.
“Did I know you where telekinetic?” Kelly finished for her, “I’m psychic, well telepathic anyway.”
“You read my thoughts?!” Sari asked, her face turning bright red.”
“Not all of them,” Kelly placed his hand on the folder before him, “I just did a cursory scan to see if you had any abilities that would be beneficial to the department. Since you did I informed Sean, who in turn informed the commissioner. A background check was done on you, and after finding that you had a clean record and no history of psychotic episodes you where chosen for the team. I did this for everyone here, although for some we had to bend the rules a bit.”
Sari looked around the table, “What do you mean… bend the rules?”
Kelly sighed, “Well if you would sit down I’ll explain. That is, if it’s alright with Sean.”
Sean nodded as Sari sat down, “Feel free, but just don’t name any specific people.”
“Wouldn’t dream of it,” Kelly took a breath before beginning, “Well, because of one individuals life span we where unable to determine if they had any history of mental illness in their family. Another has had no history of violence, but once a month he loses control his body and has been known to do some unspeakable things. None of the actions taken while he is in this state are his fault. So he of course can not be punished, just prevented from repeating them.”
Sano swung around in his chair, “You make it sound as if I get PMS or something. Well, never mind, carry on.”
Kelly sighed, “Fine. Since Sano obviously doesn’t care if I announce it, he is a werewolf. This explains his lack of reason once a month and his extreme energy the rest of the time. Now, a few others abilities manifested in such a way that the individuals thought they where going crazy. A few even placed themselves voluntarily into hospitals. There records where sealed once they reached eighteen, and since they where not violent it didn’t reflect on their choice to become police officers. We obviously couldn’t ignore these officers when their abilities where so perfectly suited for this new department, so we just sort of… erased any record of their past problems.”
A knock on the door interrupted anything else Kelly could say.
“Come in,” Sean called before mumbling, “this better be important.”
“I’m sorry sir,” a female officer said as she opened the door, “But another group of victims was just found and they said I should let you know immediately.”
“Thank you Samantha,” Sean stood up, collecting his paperwork, “Well, I guess it’s time for you all to see what you’re up against.”
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Posted: Thu Feb 14, 2008 10:34 am
it needs a lot of refinement, but it also sounds like a mix of "hellboy" and "the league of extraordinary gentleman"
keep at it
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Posted: Thu Feb 14, 2008 1:26 pm
Yeah, I wrote this in... I think 2004... so... yeah, I know it needs a lot of work... just... kind of need the motivation to re-write and continue...
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Posted: Thu Feb 14, 2008 10:26 pm
you'll find the motivation when you need to ^_^
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Posted: Mon Feb 18, 2008 1:45 am
your ideas are all good, work on it and it will be a great read
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Posted: Mon Feb 18, 2008 3:50 am
Thank you I should probably re-read it too... since I just posted it and hardly even looked at it... heh...
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Posted: Mon Feb 18, 2008 1:06 pm
sounds like a plan to me!
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Posted: Wed Apr 02, 2008 6:38 pm
Heyho! Just discovered this... I just have to say, I like Sano already. 3nodding
If I could have a suggestion... I'd rename a couple of the characters... "Sano" and "Sari" sound way too close... I suggest using a simple tactic of giving each character a different starting letter for thier names (If there's a certian meaning behind thier names, then you could possibly find that same meaning in another language and use that name!) ... this is just what I suggest cuz' for a while I got a bit confused as to who was who. That could also be fixed with simple mechanics!
...I feel like a english teacher... sweatdrop
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