The Ideal Lady
For all of those who wish to start on their way towards a proper Lolita lifestyle in this modern world...
The ideal lady is difficult to define because she is half learned and half innate. She is dignified and gracious, yet also warm and genuine. She holds herself proudly, yet is also modest and comfortable. Most importantly, however, is that while she is courteous and graceful, she possesses a true personality which coexists naturally with her demeanor. Instead of suppressing her personality with elegant speech and mannerisms, it blends in, allowing her airs to appear less applied and more inherent. Therefore, before I begin directing you on how to sit and how to speak, my first omnipresent guideline for you is thus.
1. While maintaining your ladylike manner, please also be yourself!
With that in mind, examine the way in which you speak. Do you use a lot of slang? Do you have a habit of cursing a lot? It is not even necessary to examine what you ordinarily talk about, though if you often discuss the more obtuse forms of sexual interaction with your friends, then suddenly begin to use technical and manicured language about it... people would think that you are very strange.. A good question to ask yourself when you are talking is, "do I sound mature?" If you say the word "like" a lot, for example, you may want to try replacing it with a pause instead. Using the word "like" very often in conversation signals that you are unsure about what you are saying or are indecisive with your words. Too often, people's language devolves because they are simply trying to translate their thoughts into words too quickly! It is fine to pause and think for a moment while putting what you want to say into a structured, coherent sentence. Essentially, your goal is to make the words which come out of your mouth worthy of putting down on paper and turning into a teacher at school. It will probably be incredibly frustrating at first to operate your conversations like this. However, in the end, it is worth it! Eventually, you will become eloquent and well-spoken! A tip is to not try to take on all bad speech habits at once, but rather to approach them one at a time.
2. Make yourself into an eloquent and mature-sounding person by examining and gradually overcoming your bad speech habits!
Another thing to keep in mind regarding speech is that while it is wonderful to be eloquent, awkward, artificial-sounding speech is also unwanted. Eloquence is found in flowing, easy to listen to language, not language devoid of contractions and familiar words. Another thing to avoid is using your own contractions, such as "'tis". You want to sound respectable, not fanatic. It is unbecoming for a Lolita to speak in a loud, crass, uncouth way, but when a Lolita speaks as if she were quoting Shakespeare all of the time, people begin to truly wonder at her sanity. A Lolita must be a timeless person. However, we have no choice except to live in the present. We must make these compromises as members of the present who choose to draw on fantasies of the past.
Next, stand as you normally do in front of a mirror. Stand far away from it enough to where you can see at least your torso. Walk back and forth a few times before the mirror. Are your shoulders rounded and curve forward? Pull them back a little bit. Now, how do you look? Try adding little curve your your lower back by jutting your rear hip out slightly. (Not too much, or you will look like you are trying to make people notice your bottom...) These two changes will take the slumped feeling from your posture. When you walk, do you let your hands swing at your sides? Clasping your hands at the level where you hips just begin to curve out can look dainty. There are many positions for your hands to take. Find a comfortable and natural looking one. Walking around with your hands clasped as if in prayer can look awkward. Also, while having your fingers laced together with your arms stiffly bent can be a good pose for photographs as a Gothic Lolita (like in some of Mana's photographs), it is probably not good to walk around in. Your arms should be relaxed. Clasping your hands in front of you will also help maintain your shoulders' posture. If you wish to keep your hands down by your sides, mind your shoulders while keeping your elbows elastic. You may want to arrange your hands prettily, as would a ballet dancer. To do this, simply bend your middle finger slightly towards your thumb. It should look elegant and natural. If it looks awkward, pull your middle finger back a little. Also, you may find a tendency to straighten your index finger, so remember to keep that finger relaxed.
3. Gain a ladylike and elegant posture!
These guidelines are good to mind when you are being photographed!
We have examined your speech and your posture, so let us review a few items of basic etiquette. When someone mentions etiquette to me, I always think of memorizing the setup of a table at a nice restaurant, so we shall begin with etiquette in this context.
If you are on a date to a nice restaurant, you should expect your date to help you with your chair. After he pulls it out for you, step around in front of the chair, and before sitting, take the edge of the chair and pull the seat under yourself as he pushes you in. Once in position, place your weight on the chair and make any small adjustments you need to. Also, remember to thank your date. While he himself sits down, mind your skirt. If you need to smooth it out beneath you, do so now.
The basic idea to knowing which utensil to use when is "outside to inside". Use the fork on the outside first, then work your way in. (The maximum is three forks: one for appetizers, one for salad, and one for your dinner. If the dessert fork is placed on the table, it will be positioned above the setting, horizontally.) The knife should be, blade inwards, beside the spoon(s) on the right. As for the plates and glasses, your bread and salad plates are positioned on your left, above your forks, and your glasses are positioned on the right above your spoon.
Now that we know where things are placed on the table, we shall discuss dinner table behavior. Firstly, do not cross your legs at the table. Sit with your knees together, and cross your legs at the ankle if you wish, under the table. As for your napkin, rather than wiping yourself with it, dab gingerly. It should be placed, folded once, in your lap. If you must leave the table during the meal for the ladies' room or to take a short call, leave the napkin, folded once, on the seat of your chair. After the meal is finished, place your napkin on the table to the left of your plate.
After using your knife, do not place it back on the table or propped up on the side of the plate. Instead, place it diagonally across the corner of your plate so that the tip of the blade sits slightly overhanging one edge and the tip of the handle overlaps the othe edge. If you must leave the table during the meal, cross your utensils over your plate like an 'x'. (They will guard your meal while you are gone!! Hee hee.) Also, inform your companion that you are not yet finished before leaving. If the waiter comes and does not recognize that you are not finished, your date should let him know. (If you are finished, then your utensils should simply be placed, side-by-side, on the plate.)
Do not pick up your fork before your host picks up their fork, and do not begin eating before they begin eating. It is fine to use your water glass whenever you wish. As for bread, offer your companion the basket before serving yourself. If butter is presented in a single dish with your bread, use the butter knife to deposit a small amount of the butter on the side of your bread plate. If there is no butter knife, using the knife you are using to the spread the butter is acceptable. However, you should never take the butter straight from the dish to your bread.
4. Impress your date by using proper etiquette at the dinner table!
These are some basic dinner etiquette rules. We will discuss tea etiquette next.
For all of those who wish to start on their way towards a proper Lolita lifestyle in this modern world...
The ideal lady is difficult to define because she is half learned and half innate. She is dignified and gracious, yet also warm and genuine. She holds herself proudly, yet is also modest and comfortable. Most importantly, however, is that while she is courteous and graceful, she possesses a true personality which coexists naturally with her demeanor. Instead of suppressing her personality with elegant speech and mannerisms, it blends in, allowing her airs to appear less applied and more inherent. Therefore, before I begin directing you on how to sit and how to speak, my first omnipresent guideline for you is thus.
1. While maintaining your ladylike manner, please also be yourself!
With that in mind, examine the way in which you speak. Do you use a lot of slang? Do you have a habit of cursing a lot? It is not even necessary to examine what you ordinarily talk about, though if you often discuss the more obtuse forms of sexual interaction with your friends, then suddenly begin to use technical and manicured language about it... people would think that you are very strange.. A good question to ask yourself when you are talking is, "do I sound mature?" If you say the word "like" a lot, for example, you may want to try replacing it with a pause instead. Using the word "like" very often in conversation signals that you are unsure about what you are saying or are indecisive with your words. Too often, people's language devolves because they are simply trying to translate their thoughts into words too quickly! It is fine to pause and think for a moment while putting what you want to say into a structured, coherent sentence. Essentially, your goal is to make the words which come out of your mouth worthy of putting down on paper and turning into a teacher at school. It will probably be incredibly frustrating at first to operate your conversations like this. However, in the end, it is worth it! Eventually, you will become eloquent and well-spoken! A tip is to not try to take on all bad speech habits at once, but rather to approach them one at a time.
2. Make yourself into an eloquent and mature-sounding person by examining and gradually overcoming your bad speech habits!
Another thing to keep in mind regarding speech is that while it is wonderful to be eloquent, awkward, artificial-sounding speech is also unwanted. Eloquence is found in flowing, easy to listen to language, not language devoid of contractions and familiar words. Another thing to avoid is using your own contractions, such as "'tis". You want to sound respectable, not fanatic. It is unbecoming for a Lolita to speak in a loud, crass, uncouth way, but when a Lolita speaks as if she were quoting Shakespeare all of the time, people begin to truly wonder at her sanity. A Lolita must be a timeless person. However, we have no choice except to live in the present. We must make these compromises as members of the present who choose to draw on fantasies of the past.
Next, stand as you normally do in front of a mirror. Stand far away from it enough to where you can see at least your torso. Walk back and forth a few times before the mirror. Are your shoulders rounded and curve forward? Pull them back a little bit. Now, how do you look? Try adding little curve your your lower back by jutting your rear hip out slightly. (Not too much, or you will look like you are trying to make people notice your bottom...) These two changes will take the slumped feeling from your posture. When you walk, do you let your hands swing at your sides? Clasping your hands at the level where you hips just begin to curve out can look dainty. There are many positions for your hands to take. Find a comfortable and natural looking one. Walking around with your hands clasped as if in prayer can look awkward. Also, while having your fingers laced together with your arms stiffly bent can be a good pose for photographs as a Gothic Lolita (like in some of Mana's photographs), it is probably not good to walk around in. Your arms should be relaxed. Clasping your hands in front of you will also help maintain your shoulders' posture. If you wish to keep your hands down by your sides, mind your shoulders while keeping your elbows elastic. You may want to arrange your hands prettily, as would a ballet dancer. To do this, simply bend your middle finger slightly towards your thumb. It should look elegant and natural. If it looks awkward, pull your middle finger back a little. Also, you may find a tendency to straighten your index finger, so remember to keep that finger relaxed.
3. Gain a ladylike and elegant posture!
These guidelines are good to mind when you are being photographed!
We have examined your speech and your posture, so let us review a few items of basic etiquette. When someone mentions etiquette to me, I always think of memorizing the setup of a table at a nice restaurant, so we shall begin with etiquette in this context.
If you are on a date to a nice restaurant, you should expect your date to help you with your chair. After he pulls it out for you, step around in front of the chair, and before sitting, take the edge of the chair and pull the seat under yourself as he pushes you in. Once in position, place your weight on the chair and make any small adjustments you need to. Also, remember to thank your date. While he himself sits down, mind your skirt. If you need to smooth it out beneath you, do so now.
The basic idea to knowing which utensil to use when is "outside to inside". Use the fork on the outside first, then work your way in. (The maximum is three forks: one for appetizers, one for salad, and one for your dinner. If the dessert fork is placed on the table, it will be positioned above the setting, horizontally.) The knife should be, blade inwards, beside the spoon(s) on the right. As for the plates and glasses, your bread and salad plates are positioned on your left, above your forks, and your glasses are positioned on the right above your spoon.
Now that we know where things are placed on the table, we shall discuss dinner table behavior. Firstly, do not cross your legs at the table. Sit with your knees together, and cross your legs at the ankle if you wish, under the table. As for your napkin, rather than wiping yourself with it, dab gingerly. It should be placed, folded once, in your lap. If you must leave the table during the meal for the ladies' room or to take a short call, leave the napkin, folded once, on the seat of your chair. After the meal is finished, place your napkin on the table to the left of your plate.
After using your knife, do not place it back on the table or propped up on the side of the plate. Instead, place it diagonally across the corner of your plate so that the tip of the blade sits slightly overhanging one edge and the tip of the handle overlaps the othe edge. If you must leave the table during the meal, cross your utensils over your plate like an 'x'. (They will guard your meal while you are gone!! Hee hee.) Also, inform your companion that you are not yet finished before leaving. If the waiter comes and does not recognize that you are not finished, your date should let him know. (If you are finished, then your utensils should simply be placed, side-by-side, on the plate.)
Do not pick up your fork before your host picks up their fork, and do not begin eating before they begin eating. It is fine to use your water glass whenever you wish. As for bread, offer your companion the basket before serving yourself. If butter is presented in a single dish with your bread, use the butter knife to deposit a small amount of the butter on the side of your bread plate. If there is no butter knife, using the knife you are using to the spread the butter is acceptable. However, you should never take the butter straight from the dish to your bread.
4. Impress your date by using proper etiquette at the dinner table!
These are some basic dinner etiquette rules. We will discuss tea etiquette next.
