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 Posted: Sat Feb 23, 2008 11:56 am
I am no celebrity.
I am not stupid enough.
I am no idol.
I can sing better than that.
I am no angel.
I am still living.
I am no hero.
I have not the courage.
I am no dream.
I exist still on waking.
I am no shadow.
I have more substance.
I exist.
I breathe.
I have a beating heart.
I am human.
Why am I not good enough?
~*~*~a self portrait in words~*~*~these are the ramblings of me~*~
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Posted: Sun Feb 24, 2008 2:58 pm
Hush, little baby.
Don't say a word.
A million words are wasted
By the rise of the sun.
They say mama will by you
A pretty mockingbird,
But I'll not give to you
A prize for wasting what is good.
Hush, little baby.
Don't you cry.
Tears never bring
What you wish they would.
They say mama will
Sing a lullaby,
But I'll not sing to you
A song about the night.
Hush, little baby.
They say silence is golden.
The world can make
Enough noise on it's own.
Don't rely on what you don't know.
Don't give in,
Don't give up.
Hush, little baby.
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Posted: Thu Mar 06, 2008 4:09 pm
Once upon a time, dear,
Because all stories begin that way,
Once upon a time,
In a land far away,
There was a princess, gentle and fair
And a witch who was evil and hateful.
Because, my child, that is the way
That all stories must go.
Now the princess was loved by all
And she believed in what was good.
She tried her hardest to be her best.
She did what a good girl should.
But the witch who was evil
Was hated and shunned
And she sought to do bad things
And passed her time wrong.
Look at this story, child.
Do you see someone like you?
Look at this story, dear.
Can you see how it will end?
The princess gave, and the princess loved.
She gave her heart to a prince.
The prince was handsome,
The prince was wise,
The prince had a secret
That he didn't want to share.
And the secret was dark and evil.
And the princess did not know.
The witch was not ugly, child.
Don't make that mistake.
To look at her was almost like
Looking at the princess of light.
And the prince who was handsome,
The prince who was wise,
Loved the witch and she loved him.
So together they plotted to destroy.
Look at this story, child.
Do you see someone like you?
Look at this story, dear.
Can you see how it will end?
I won't give away what happened next.
I leave the events to your imagination.
But the princesses' heart was broken,
And the prince was not seen again.
The witch thought that she had won,
But she lost, just like the fair one.
And now I tell you who they were.
The princess and witch, were I.
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Posted: Tue Apr 08, 2008 6:12 pm
wow that was really awesome! keep it up.xD biggrin
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Posted: Wed Apr 09, 2008 4:24 pm
Many thanks! I haven't done creative writing in a while because my latest English teacher is really pushing essays and stuff for college. I'm so rusty and I know that I need a lot of help, but I really appreciate your comment.
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Posted: Wed Apr 30, 2008 4:01 pm
The radio is loud and the singers are out of tune.
I've heard this band before, I don't like their style.
And this commercial doesn't make me want to buy that thing.
So why am I sitting here, listening to this junk?
Why am I trying to sing along?
Something in my brain isn't working.
I don't know what's going on.
For some reason I'm just trying
To get through this one song.
Something about this day
Is all wrong.
The lecture's long and dull and I can't understand a word.
My teacher likes to listen to himself talk for hours on end.
I've never heard of this before, and I can't grasp the concept.
So why am I sitting here, listening to this man?
Why am I trying to follow along?
Something in my brain isn't working.
I don't know what's going on.
For some reason I'm just trying
To get through this one class.
Something about this day
Is all wrong.
My friends are gossips and they don't think before they talk.
They don't seem to notice that their words are spiteful.
I thought that they were sweet and kind, but I was wrong.
So why am I sitting here, listening to these girls?
Why am I trying to play along?
Something in my brain isn't working.
I don't know what's going on.
For some reason I'm just trying
To get through this lunch-time.
Something about this day
Is all wrong.
The engine won't turn over in my car.
The air doesn't work on this sweltering day.
My sister threw up in the backseat.
I have three hours of homework,
Two part-time jobs to work,
And no time to sleep.
My dog got diarrhea when no one was home.
My cat scratched my curtains to shreds.
I forgot to clean the bathrooms,
I don't remember how to find the co-sign.
I forgot to tell my boyfriend that I'll be late
And now he's telling me he'll find another girl.
Something just isn't working.
I don't know what's going on.
For some reason I'm just trying to
Get through one more day.
Everything is
Going wrong.
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Posted: Mon May 05, 2008 4:04 pm
Dear G,
I cried myself to sleep again last night. I wonder if you could see me. Could you see how much I cried? Could you hear me? Could you hear all the things that I said? I meant every one of those words. I wanted to disappear. I wanted it all to stop. I couldn't understand why everything was going wrong. I felt so alone. I was so wholly confused, and nothing has changed.
I'm tired of pretending that everything is all right. I'm tired of smiling and being the perfect daughter. I'm tired of being the one my friends rely on to lighten their load and solve all their problems. I am never good enough. I can never do enough, and those things that I do, I can never do right. I do not want to care so much. I want to just give up, and I am losing myself.
I miss the woman who would call me her littlest angel. I miss the smoky smell of her hair and her big fake snake-skin purses. I miss her stories and her games and the way she talked. I miss her now even more than I did on the day that she died. I want her to come back. I want her to sing to me again. I want my grandmother to hold my hand like she did that time I cried.
But she is gone. Nothing will bring her back. All I have are memories. Not even a photograph. Does she know, wherever she is in that heavenly place, that I wish she never left, that it was all my fault? Does she look down on me when I cry? Does she cry too? Does she long to hold my hand, the way I long to hold hers? I don't know anymore. I can't remember sometimes, and I'm scared.
I cried myself to sleep again last night. It will be the same to-night. Would it be all right with you if I just disappeared? I don't want to disappoint anyone anymore. I don't want to be a burden, and I don't want to cause any hurt. Even for just a few hours, I could fade into the night. I don't want to die, I just don't want to be.
Why am I taking this so hard? I really do not know. I guess I tried too hard to be what everyone else wanted me to be. If I could just be the girl that I used to be a long, long time ago, then I wouldn't try to change myself, but I gave up on that girl when I stopped believing. I can't go back and I hurt too much to go on.
Much Love,
Audra.
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Posted: Thu Jan 08, 2009 3:06 pm
When the sun sets tonight
I will watch the colors fade.
From brilliance to black,
I will wait and I will see.
Then I'll watch the stars come out
And I'll listen for the song.
I will listen for the song
You promised me.
I know it was long ago.
I won't blame you if you forgot
The Stories you once told
Of magic and of love.
Sitting here in the dark,
Cold concrete on my bare feet,
I am waiting for the song
You promised me.
You used to tell me
That the stars made music.
You used to say that the angels
Sang to their melody.
You said that only
The good and kind could hear it.
And so I've been trying,
Working so hard to hear.
The neighbors have a party
And it's going on three a.m.
And still, I am waiting,
Straining to catch the distant song.
Maybe I'm not as good as I should be,
Believe me, I am trying,
Sometimes the days are just to long
And I forget about the song.
Another night has passed away
And I didn't hear a single note
Coming from the sky,
Just from my neighbor's old guitar.
Maybe one night,
He'll be sleeping,
And I'll hear that distant song,
The one you promised me.
Tonight when the sun sets,
I will watch the colors fade
And the shadows melt away.
Then I will wait and I will look
And I will see the stars come out.
Tonight I will pray to hear
The song you promised me.
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