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Yeah, so, uh... Kita and Feragel jumped ship off the last plot they were in, and now they have a new one. Isn't that just great? So you, if you continue to read, get to hear about it. What does it have to offer? Well, mildly historically accurate elves and fairies, an ironic Heroic Hero that looks and acts like a severely deranged Cloud cosplayer, bitchy royals and their gosh-darned interfering politics,gay cowboys, and... Feragel, who, despite being a creep, nonetheless has his share of devoted fangirls. Yes, he already has them.

Setting: If the enlightenment and industrial revolution had happened in New Mexico, (but with magic) this is... a fair approximation of what it would be like. So. Geography. Well, you got your hilly aspen-y areas, (see left) your interestingly-accented sagebrush plains, and your mountainous piney bits, and the whole thing is sprinkled with canyons. There will be a map, once I get around to it. The sky is blue, the earth is red, and there aren't a lot of people around, because there isn't a whole lot of water. Some major rivers, a few springs, and that's about it.

Races: Well, you've got your humans. They're... standard and human-shaped. Not much needs to be said about them at the moment. Then you've got your elves. They like to hang out in the bumpy forested bits, because... they get easily sunburned? Oh, and it better suits their method of hunting. They are tall and skinny, not in the attractive-and-mildly-waify way, but in the starving-children-in-Africa way. Like cheetahs. They subsist by scavenging, hunting when they really, really feel like it, using magic, and, if they're really bored, doing a bit of pillaging. They dislike humans, but rather than provoking an all-out war and getting their sorry asses kicked, they charm them, use them as slaves, and only really attack isolated individuals. An exception to this is the Hunt, who other elves claim to be rogues, who spend their entire lives pillaging in odd and magical ways. They are quite magical, but their magic centers around illusions and transformations, and is generally otherwise weak. And that's it.

Ooh, and there's monsters! They appeared recently, of course. They have no real shape, but can take on the appearance of humans or form a shadowy tentacle monster thing which absorbs heat energy to "survive." (I'm not sure how alive they are) This means that, to the touch, they are really, really cold, and being around them too long will cause you to die of hypothermia. Yeah. Don't even wanna see the porn that comes out of that.

Super-Condensed Plot Summary!: Basically, you've got these three people who... just kinda happen to be really common villain types; Feragel, the sarcastic, amoral, misogynistic, murdering, literal b*****d; Kita, the lovely-but-dangerous fanatic devotee to a political cause; and Indio, who is more FABULOUS, cruel, and self absorbed than you or anyone you know. They go looking for a way to not be the villains of this series without realizing that "Redemption" isn't just a town on the Sycarax.

Not-So-Condensed Plot Summary!: So, things are obviously going wrong- towns, chateaus, and cities are disappearing, and suddenly there are monsters everywhere. The most recent victim of the attacks is... a mystical Marxist assassination service. Yes, you heard me right. Everyone's constantly fighting over water, and what better blow to your enemy than to off their leaders? As for the mystical bit, well, they are aware that there is magic, they use it to a fair degree, and they have extensive literature on the subject, but though their operations are, for the most part, non-magical. Think a slightly more grounded Alamut.

Kita and Indio, among the few survivors of the attack, team up with Feragel, a former member of the organization, to find out what the heck is going on, and why on earth members and former members of the organization are having weird dreams about some kid from a complete podunk town with crazy hair. (like picture on right, but worse)

Meanwhile, aforementioned Hero (was that a spoiler? No. Not really) has decided to go beat the monsters before his town is wiped clean off the map, too. Along his journey, he runs into an ex-concubine who escaped when his castle got invaded and a little girl whose town got pretty much destroyed by the Hunt. These are Adele and Elia, respectively. They compromise the Heroic Hero party, or if I'm not feeling particularly snarky that day, the Emotional Trauma party.

Both groups then run about trying to figure out what on earth is going wrong and how to stop it. They journey between the five kingdoms, (there were six, but Adele's kingdom got destroyed) often (intentionally or not) leaving destruction in their wake. Adele and Elia gain the powers of fire and ice magic, respectively, from some old guy in the woods. The Hero finds some craptastic sword of light and dark, and if all this were played straight, would become the hero of light and dark.

But it isn't played straight, see. So while the Hero is told that he's the hero of light and dark, and that all the stuff he's getting is ancient artifacts, it's really all a lie. And to top it off, the 'hero of light and dark' is acting a bit strangely, and waving it off as "destiny calling". You know, sometimes when destiny calls, it's best if you don't pick up the phone. And just because his party mates are too out of their minds to notice doesn't mean that everyone else is. Which is really just a convoluted way of saying that Kita, Indio, and Feragel start hearing rumors and putting the pieces together, (er... we hope they do. I mean, this game is pretty open ended, so they don't have to. Ever.) even if they don't get a whole lot more right.

Eventually, the Emotional Trauma party find themselves led to a portal which, once the player completes the necessary quests, (they look like random location filler... er... more random location filler, but they really make up the plot, more or less) leads them to a palace/temple/thing build on the top of a mountain near the Ice Kingdom. The Snarky part follows them there, albeit with fewer not-so-Deus ex Machinas dropped across their path. (they don't use the portal)

It is there that they discover the Ultimate Villain to be... that princess from the Ice Kingdom? ... What? Yes, not only is she female, not to mention not actually using any arcane or ancient powers or anything, she has no motive. She's just that f'ing psycho. She explains that the magic that the elves are using to turn people into creepy sub-zero tentacle monsters of shadow and blargh is somehow connected to the magic that Adele and Elia were given, and which now permeates their bodies, and that the Hero's sword is also a part of it all. She manages to avoid telling them that she's behind it all, somehow. Anyways, now Adele has to choose which one of them to kill to... finish the magic.

The Snarky Party is responsible for convincing everyone (except Ophelia, aka Crazy Princess Lady) to take option C instead, and kill Ophelia. If the players realize that this is what needs to be done, and succeed, she dies telling them that it isn't over yet; they still have to kill either Adele or Elia with the hero's sword. If they try to kill either while she's alive, she will force them to kill Adele, thus finishing the spell in a bad way, i.e. everyone, ever, is turned into an ice statue, and the snow just falls over them all softly.

Of course, once you defeat her, you have to kill Elia, but the Heroic Hero has already caught on. And goes about it a little... too... something. Resolutely? Enthusiastically? In a way. Either way, she's dead, and everything is fixed, or as fixed as it gets.

Mythically accurate, then. They ain't Tolkien elves, that's for sure. And yes, I will research. I have not yet, but I will.

The Hero would. Lacking Kita's profound sense of irony, he is coming to be known by me as the Idiot, although as I've mentioned elsewhere, he isn't the nicest person, so... I only call him that behind his back, or when I am armed with many a painful plot device.

And we're back! Flowchart's still on the cooling racks, and it might very well stay there, as the "plot" is now as follows: 2 parties (nicknamed the Brain Damage party and the Snarky Party) wander around the lack of an overworld map, getting lost incessantly, and trigger mini-plotlines when the enter certain locations. Or don't. Anyways, all they really have to do is level up enough to beat the final boss and trigger the events that put the final boss in the location where you're supposed to find her. (yes, a female actually got it together enough to be the main villain)

I have about 60 pages of planning crap, including bios of fifty ******** characters, and we havn't even gotten to the really, really pointless ones yet. How exciting. Revisions to the information above will be made shortly, as will additions of things like: new characters! plot outlines! and tons and tons of politics.

A video game with a Communist uprising? That has to be one of the most original ideas I've heard of.

Post #1 has been updated, so that the information is now accurate.