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 Posted: Sat Aug 27, 2005 7:58 pm
Been extremely uninspired lately, but managed to scribble this down.
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In the bowels of my mind
I spend most of my time
In the shadows of that realm
Dwelling in blissful silence
There....in that place
Pains linger on eternally
Although time's a great healer
It's a pardox in itself
Time may be a healer
But it also goes on forever
With forever being endless
Those scars never really heal
So I push them into the darkness
And so feeding my own greaet beast
That are the scars that never do heal
And dwell with me in the bowels of my mind
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Posted: Sat Aug 27, 2005 10:02 pm
That's exquisite! I particularly love the theme of eternal unhealing scars. ((A theme I often use myself in my own writing.)) You are very talented and should keep up the beautiful work.
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Posted: Sun Aug 28, 2005 6:28 am
OOo. I very much liked. <3 There was only one thing that kinda.. Sounded odd.
"...Although time's a great healer
It's a paradox in itself
Time may be a healer..." You probably meant it that way, and I'm probably just being stupid, but that was the only thing in my mind that was off. Awesome. ^_^
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Posted: Sun Aug 28, 2005 11:36 am
Quote: So I push them into the darkness And so feeding my own great beast i liked those lines...though you spelt the word great wrong in the last stanza...you had good well-kept form, an interesting idea and i liked the title...overall nice job...
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Posted: Sun Aug 28, 2005 5:16 pm
hmm, it sounds as if the ideas in the poem aren't tight enough (Just me) I say this because you start with time and then leak onto a pain and don't really say where is pain came from.
But I do like how you used the first line as the last line
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Posted: Mon Aug 29, 2005 11:17 am
It's alright. You did well with the use of theme here. As Queeny just said though the pain just came out of no where/. Though my impression of it is that your trying to describe what tha pain does to you. That's the general theme I'm sensing here at least.
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Posted: Sun Sep 04, 2005 7:24 pm
Naomi Tinuveil That's exquisite! I particularly love the theme of eternal unhealing scars. ((A theme I often use myself in my own writing.)) You are very talented and should keep up the beautiful work. Thank you very much mrgreen heart
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Posted: Sun Sep 04, 2005 7:26 pm
Amyane OOo. I very much liked. <3 There was only one thing that kinda.. Sounded odd.
"...Although time's a great healer
It's a paradox in itself
Time may be a healer..." You probably meant it that way, and I'm probably just being stupid, but that was the only thing in my mind that was off. Awesome. ^_^ Sorry about that. Guess it was kinda unclear. Thank you for the comment mrgreen heart
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Posted: Sun Sep 04, 2005 7:31 pm
N.Infinity18256 Quote: So I push them into the darkness And so feeding my own great beast i liked those lines...though you spelt the word great wrong in the last stanza...you had good well-kept form, an interesting idea and i liked the title...overall nice job... I did spell that wrong didn't I... sweatdrop Thanks mrgreen heart
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Posted: Sun Sep 04, 2005 7:35 pm
Queeny hmm, it sounds as if the ideas in the poem aren't tight enough (Just me) I say this because you start with time and then leak onto a pain and don't really say where is pain came from.But I do like how you used the first line as the last line Heh. I will keep writing 'till you finally like something I write completely. Thank you though mrgreen
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Posted: Sun Sep 04, 2005 7:39 pm
Silent Mongoose It's alright. You did well with the use of theme here. As Queeny just said though the pain just came out of no where/. Though my impression of it is that your trying to describe what tha pain does to you. That's the general theme I'm sensing here at least. I'm sorry for being rather vague there. THanks for the comment though. mrgreen
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Posted: Mon Sep 05, 2005 7:04 am
Sr. Chaos Queeny hmm, it sounds as if the ideas in the poem aren't tight enough (Just me) I say this because you start with time and then leak onto a pain and don't really say where is pain came from.But I do like how you used the first line as the last line Heh. I will keep writing 'till you finally like something I write completely. Thank you though mrgreen
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Posted: Thu Sep 22, 2005 11:33 am
Queeny Sr. Chaos Queeny hmm, it sounds as if the ideas in the poem aren't tight enough (Just me) I say this because you start with time and then leak onto a pain and don't really say where is pain came from.But I do like how you used the first line as the last line Heh. I will keep writing 'till you finally like something I write completely. Thank you though mrgreen rofl Ok I'll try that sometime.
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Posted: Thu Sep 22, 2005 11:37 am
Thanks all for Commenting mrgreen
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