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 Posted: Sat Mar 29, 2008 10:17 pm
For all we know,
For all we love,
We carry on.
Through the consuming emotions,
And with a serrated sense of humor,
Cutting and holding to what we hear,
Carrying it with us,
It grows and festers,
Becoming what we fear,
It tries to consume,
But we carry on.
Twisting, writhing in out thoughts,
It spreads to the heart,
Taking hold,
Constricting thought and emotion alike,
We strive to rid of it,
For once its roots are taken in our hearts,
Little may rid of it,
So we carry on.
Thus we ignore and let fester more,
‘Til it consumes all and leaves us hollow,
Allowing the healing to begin,
And letting us carry on.
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Posted: Sat Mar 29, 2008 10:24 pm
Yes, one of my many (possibly) failing attempts at poetry and the first I every put online. It doesn't rhyme, or at least isn't supposed to, and I know that; so please don't tell me that in the form of flaming, or even tell me that or unless you want a short viking attacking you with an ax. you will be asked to shut your trap. Helpful criticism, yes; pointless flaming, no.
Anyway, tell me what you think of it. Comments may actually cause me to post another one sometime.
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Posted: Mon Mar 31, 2008 6:43 pm
Don't worry about it not rhyming, poems don't have to. As we are all literate, we should know that, so no one will speak of it from here on. As for the poem, I had a bit of trouble at grasping the concept and symbolism of this poem, However, the execution was fair favorable (I feel nice today). However, in several areas you repeat the same words over, which, in such a short piece of poetry, isn't very attractive. You repeat the words carry on, while I understand it is an important part of this, I feel that you should change the wording actual words (Now I feel neutral). Perhaps throw in a tidbit about 'bearing your burdens' which, while meaning approximately the same thing, does shake up the poem a bit more.
However, I would enjoy seeing your other poetry, if you would be willing to post it for our enjoyment.
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Posted: Mon Jul 21, 2008 6:52 pm
It isn't failure.
>=l
I'm going to be blunt with you.
Humans assume [as is natural], that poems must rhyme.
But it doesn't have to, and sometimes, the ones that don't are better than the ones that do. It sounds better, more fluid and has more flow if it rhymes but in the long run, things like yours are better looked upon.
I like it.
Don't beat yourself to death over it, because once the writer's out, so are the pieces of literature he could conjure up.
But I agree with Grey [Sorry, don't know your name].
Repetition's only good if used wisely. Like Spirit's Nevermore poem.
It was good. He changed up the meaning of it, and the mood too, so that it took on different meanings. If you can manipulate, maneuver it so that it creates a different sense of meaning to it every so often, it'd be good.
That or extend this poem. It's good.
Keep it up.
Or, I will take that ax of yours and turn in on you.
#=3=
[That last smilie was supposed to look pissed/pout...>___>]
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Posted: Mon Jul 21, 2008 10:29 pm
*Rubs sleep out of eyes*
I wrote this during a lunch one day, hence the somewhat sour opinion I have of it. I'm probably am going to revise it someday, or just move onto a better piece.
Thanks for the opinions, however. I just need the kick in the face every now and than to get moving, even if it is blunt and/or brutal.
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Posted: Mon Aug 11, 2008 6:48 pm
No, not all poems need to rhyme. I prefer the ones that don't since I feel they can be read with more... ah how can i put this-emotion, if you catch my drift.
I like it, and I like the imagery, but you should use some more synonyms or different phrases. It feels like you repeat some of the words (excluding "carry on" since it's part of the poem), and it would be better if you changed with the words a bit.
Other than that, good job. Keep up the imagery.
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