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Psychotic Maniacal Sanity
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 Posted: Tue Aug 30, 2005 4:51 am
Okay, as of the second time I have written a poem at 2 A.M. Baring in mind that this is only the second poem I have ever written, please give me some critique of the constructive kind...
Thanks <3
Sweet little child...
- A poem by Chessie xD (I've always wanted to do that... -cough-)
Where, oh where did you go little one?
Did your father not want you?
Did your mother not feed you?
Did your brother not love you?
Why, oh why do you cry little one?
Did you father once slap you?
Did your mother once shake you?
Did you brother once beat you?
What, oh what shall you do little one?
Shall you cry little one?
Shall you sigh little one?
Shall you tie your heart in a knot?
Dear, oh dear little one,
what happened to you?
Hear, oh hear gentle Goddess,
hear my plea,
I shall share my story with you.
I did once cry gentle Goddess.
I did once sigh gentle Goddess.
I did once die.
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Posted: Tue Aug 30, 2005 6:27 am
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Psychotic Maniacal Sanity
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Posted: Tue Aug 30, 2005 7:29 am
Me, of course. xD I luffed it. I thought it was very touching, sweet, simple, and cute in it's own way. Good job. ^^
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Posted: Tue Aug 30, 2005 10:21 am
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Psychotic Maniacal Sanity
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Posted: Sat Sep 03, 2005 10:02 pm
It's originaly, that's for sure. Very interesting format. Overall, I liked it. Makes you think about certain stuff.
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Posted: Mon Sep 05, 2005 6:16 pm
Hey. I nearly cried when I read this. The first three stanzas where so powerful. They reflect on what and why a child may go missing and I loved that.
The other stanzas, because the form breaks, loses the power of the first three. (Thank god, cos I'd have had a tear in my eye) I think the bringing in of a goddess loses the earthy, humane tone of it. I think it loses the adults concern over the well-being of the child.
*Wipes her eyes. Yet I like it all the same
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Posted: Mon Sep 05, 2005 10:06 pm
I don't know jack about poetry so I havent much to say on the structure...Though it seemed firm in the beginning then kinda disolved...
I liked the idea. It is very powerful and emotional, and thats good.
But why use the term Goddess? confused
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Posted: Tue Sep 06, 2005 1:08 pm
Oh, that would be because I'm wiccan... I guess it just sounded more gentle than saying God, I get a picture of 'almightyness' xD If you get me...
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Psychotic Maniacal Sanity
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Posted: Thu Sep 22, 2005 6:16 am
such a sad poem.. I love it though.... nice repitition
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Posted: Sat Sep 24, 2005 4:21 pm
*sniffles* So sad. ;-; But it's really nice and sweet. Great job, I think. smile
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Posted: Sun Sep 25, 2005 4:54 pm
I think this goes well with your story about Emmy and the music. Except maybe the end but I don't know if she dies or not in the end xp . The end of the poem is very powerful though.
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Posted: Mon Sep 26, 2005 11:08 am
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Psychotic Maniacal Sanity
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