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 Posted: Tue Apr 08, 2008 4:04 am
a revamped poem
As I walk through the valley, of the shadow, of death. I fear no evil, as I see the rotting corpses of those who have come before me.
I reach two gates, and I have to make a decision, go left or right.
I choose the gate on the left, as I get closer it opens and I walk in, I see people getting tourchered and beaten.
I realize that I am in hell so I decide to search for the devil, as I walk the screams make my ear drums bleed, I can no longer hear, yet I go on.
as I walk the red hot coals burn into my feet, but still I go on, soon flames start shooting out of the ground and burn my flesh.
eventualy I reach a throne surounded by skeletons, I decied to wait and meet the devil.
He never shows up, I decide to sit down so I walk over to the throne and sit.
as I sit the throne clamps down on my arms, legs, and chest. keeping me from moving.
suddenly something slams into my head, I feel blood dripping down my neck.
I see an ancient mirror on the arm rest of the throne, I decide to look into it.
I see horns on my head and a trident at my side. I realize that what I was looking for.
"was me!"
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Posted: Tue Apr 08, 2008 4:13 am
this is my life
Imagin that your just lying there on you're bed and looking at the scealing. what's going through your mind.
when I'm lying there and staring up, I'm already wondering why I'm here, I'm wondering whether I should even wake up or if I should just sleep in for the day, at time's I think about suicide some times just to ease the pain.
when your walking around during the day what are you thinking?
when I'm walking around I'm constantly asking myself the same question. why?
I'm asking myself why all the time, I don't even know why.
I ask my self why to a question that I don't know.
at times if you know me and see me just stairing off into space/ dazing off. I have thousands of things running through my mind, at any point in time my mind is running through questions about life so fast that all I hear is a blurr. I hear bits and pieces about life and eternity, fragments about things that already happend or things to come. with everything going buy at such a speed, being un-able to understand just about anything I am leaving myself in a constant state of confusion. at that point I have no worries, no cares, and with everything going buy too fast to understand it's as if I don't have a thought in the world.
Life?
I wonder what's keeping me here, why I'm still alive. what's the point of life. why do I even care about wether I live or die. why do I always think about it? why?
why don't I just end it? why would it matter? if I wasn't here would it even matter? if I wasn't here nobody would even know, maybe their lives would be better off without me.
why do I think like this. why? I'm always asking myself why. what I need is an answere that I can't ask why to. an answere that is absolute. something that can't be questiond. something stable. something I can believe in. something to keep me alive somthing to give my life meaning.
I need an answere.....
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Posted: Tue Apr 08, 2008 4:14 am
I have a void inside of me an empty space with nothing to fill it. I realized this a long time ago and began searching for something to fill it. but without knowing what belongs I do not know what to search for. It pains me inside the confusion I have about what I am searching for. and this empty feeling I have is a constant reminder I have telling me that I havn't found it yet..
some time ago I looked at my friends and I realized that some of them poses a similar void. and certin ones might think that they know what they need to do to fill it or atleast start on a path to filling it. but others have yet to realize it yet. and then there are the ones that realize it and try to ignore it and do something els to keep their mind off it. I have only two friends that I think have truely filled that void but I'm not sure I can fill my void in the same way as them.
Latley I have been spending more and more time dazing off and going deeper into thought but the more I think about it the more frustrated I become. at times I can be completly enraged yelling at myself, and beating myself up inside. trying to figure out what I should do. and I myself do not have the curage to ask people what I should do.
for everyone that reads this I appologize for my recent actions and behavior, I have been having mood swings and sometimes I may have even put in a few snyde remarks. but that is not what I am appologizing for. I am appologizing for my indecision and in-ability to make up my mind and taking out my anger on u.
starting now I am going to be posting in here as though it were a journal incase anyone would like to know about any new changes.
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Posted: Wed Apr 09, 2008 2:12 am
I'm bored with my life. Repitition without change is not a life it's a cycle. I feel like a washing machine stuck on the spin cycle and I'm waiting for the timer to go off. but as I spend more time thinking about it what is the timer counting down to in real life. Is it counting down the time I have left. when it goes off does it mean that I'll just snap, does it mean my time is up? or does it mean that someone broke the cycle. if that's the case then doesn't that mean that because I'm the one who created the cycle that I've trapped myself within my own life?
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Posted: Wed Apr 09, 2008 2:23 am
{what is the perfect question} I would have to say that it depends multiple factors. The person asking the question and their emotional state at the time of asking the question as well as their state of mind, and the person who's hearing the questions emotional state as well as their state of mind when hearing the question being asked. so I believe that there are many different questions in many different situations could be called perfect. but the problem is that to be truely perfect the question cannot rely on the emotions or state of mind of the people asking the question. I believe the perfect question should come from someone who has no emotional attatchments and their state of mind must be clear. so my question for you is my answere...........why?"
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